Living and Learning

Sometimes

2012-01-04T10:48:00.000-08:00

Sometimes every one of us feels
Like we’ll never be healed
Sometimes
Sometimes every one of us aches
Like we’ll never be saved
Sometimes

When we’ve given up
Let Your healing come
When there’s nothing left
Let Your healing come
‘Til we’re rising up
Let Your healing come
Where You go, we will follow
Where You go, we will follow

It’s Your love that we adore
It’s like a sea without a shore
We’re lost in You, we’re lost in You
It’s Your love that we adore
It’s like a sea without a shore
We’re lost in You, we’re lost in You
Sometimes

Sometimes
It’s like we’ll never atone
For all the love we’ve known
Sometimes
Like in a smile or a song
When you feel it come
And that feeling’s gone
It flies

When we’ve given up
Let Your healing come
When there’s nothing left
Let Your healing come
Feel it rising up
Let Your healing come
Where You go, we will follow
Where You go, we will follow

It’s Your love that we adore
It’s like a sea without a shore
We’re lost in You
We’re lost in You
It’s Your love that we adore
It’s like a sea without a shore
We’re lost in You
We’re lost in You
It’s Your love that we adore
It’s like a sea without a shore
Don’t be afraid
Don’t be afraid
Just set your sail

And risk the ocean there’s only grace
Let’s risk the ocean there’s only grace
Let’s risk the ocean there’s only grace
Let’s risk the ocean there’s only grace

I know, it's so high school/college to post lyrics on your blog. But I just can't get this song out of my head. Mostly because I keep thinking about a lot of people that had a sucky year in 2011. Please pardon my use of the word sucky, but I really can't think of a better word to describe last year for a lot of people in my life. And I can't get this song out of my head without thinking, this is my song too.

We are all irreparably broken, because we are human. We are born into a world with hurts, habits, and hang-ups. We are born into a world with disease, mental illness, and addiction. We crave a cure, we long for someone to come and just figuratively, maybe even literally put a cold (or warm, your choice) towel over our head, wrap us in their arms, and say, "It's going to be OK, I'm right here...and I'll be here when you wake up..."

I am fearful, and I serve a God whose love is like a sea without a shore, it goes on forever. And he controls it with ease, because He is God. I keep feeling that I want to live a bigger life than I have. I want to be afraid, but not of life, to fear God so much that I want to risk the ocean. Don't you? Maybe last year left you feeling like you're never going to heal. Maybe someone cut you deeply, maybe you experienced loss in your deepest core and its almost too much to get out of bed sometimes. Maybe, like me, you feel you know you want to live so much more than you have, and yet the first step off the ledge seems SO terrifying.

There's only Grace. In 2012 let's set our sail and risk the ocean...

Love you all,
LA

New Years Resoulution

2011-12-30T06:49:00.001-08:00

So, when I was little, for a long time, we lived across the street from my cousins. Too much fun and too many adventures and stories to tell. In fact, sometimes the "new additions" (meaning husbands and wives:)) to the family complain that we tell the same stories all the time when we get together. And maybe we do, but those stories just never get old to me... I digress again! So, for a long time, I don't know how many years, we would spend New Year's Eve at Uncle David and Aunt Debbie's house. They would make "nasty nachos" (they were not nasty, they were amazing, and I may miss them...) and we would watch whatever tv special we wanted to and around 11:00 Uncle David would hand out envelopes and paper and we would start writing our New Years Resolutions. And he would save them, and then we would open them the next year to see what happened. That really has a profound effect on someone young as I was. And I loved it! So, today, I was reading the Joy the Baker blog and she blogged about how she made a time capsule and I thought, "What a great idea, but I am way too impatient for a time capsule..." So then I thought about New Year's Resolutions. Should I bring them back? Maybe when Karis is older she would like to do them? But then again, I don't think that Tim would be behind that. He's not really a New Year's Resolution kind of guy. So then I thought about my blog, and how I have 18 followers which is enough people out there to hold me accountable to my resolutions! So, in the most candid and "putting myself out there on the internet way" I am going to post my New Year's Resolutions, and hopefully I will remember to revisit this post, this time next year... Sound fun?

So, without further adieu, just off the top of my head, these are some things I resolute for 2012 (if the world does not come to an end, and I mean, you really never know...)

1. Stop being a quitter. When life gets hard and things get hectic, don't turn into a hermit. You can take a breather, you can step back and collect your thoughts, but you must not be a quitter. Quitters may never lose, but they certainly never win!

2. Seriously, be a better friend. Call your beloved ones that are out of state, try a text or two every once in awhile. It doesn't hurt anyone to tell them you love them. Especially those you really do love. And call your grandparents more too.

3. Stop being a spontaneous shopper, Target, Nordstrom Rack, Macy's, Dillards, Marshall's... all of it! You don't need any more clothes, shoes, or accessories. Seriously, stop.

4. Love more and deeply, try to love on Tim they way he receives it, instead of the way you do. Attempt to master being a good wife, try that Proverbs 31 thing.

5. Love your daughter, by December 2012 she will be walking (hopefully) savor her newbornness, and stop thinking about ways to get her to sleep through the night. It will happen eventually, and by the time it does, it will be time to have another kid, so stop trying to make it happen!

6. Read more. You are a smart girl, and too good for daytime television. Read some good books. (Would anyone like to loan them to me?)

7. Clean the house more and get a handle on making the meals. Karis is three months old, and will be over a year by Dec. 2012. You can re-enter the wife world and make dinners for Tim. You can do this!

8. This is shameful that this is not #1 on the list, but can we pretend you put it as #1? You asked Jesus Christ to be your personal Savior, you entered into a relationship with the God and Savior of this world, will you start to pursue one with Him? He's been pursuing you your entire life, 2012 is a good year for reciprocity.

9. Have you gotten down to your pre-pregnancy weight? Are you on your way to going past that number (you were a little tubs when you got pregnant...) How many 5k's, and 10K's did you run this year? Remember in 2011 when you were pregnant all year long and you SO wanted to be doing those with your mom and sister? Well, now is the time for it! Do not give up! And deep down inside you know you like the feeling of a good long hard run:).

10. Tim bought you a glue gun, try to utilize pintrist to get a little crafty this year instead of looking at all the clothes ideas on it. While you may have hated making that Christmas wreath, it did turn out pretty and you did feel proud of it. Try to think of ways of being more crafty!

Ok, little one is crying, and 10 resolutions are a good start! I'll be seeing you all in the New Year! Love you!

The Things I Do for Christmas Spirit...

2011-12-16T15:49:00.000-08:00

I'm kind of starting a tradition for myself that I don't much like... Let me explain. You see I haven't found that one great thing in my life that I am really, really, really good at. I mean, I can't really pinpoint that one thing that when you're talking to someone you're like, "Oh yeah, you need help with that? Go to LaurieAnn, she'll help you, she's amazing at it..." And that's ok, I'm young, I have lots of life (Lord willing) ahead of me, I feel like if I keep at it, I'll find it.

But anyway, so I do know one thing I am good at, it's not really a skill, it's more like, just who I am. I will try anything once. So, for the past Christmas's, I have been trying my hand at different crafty, domestic type things to do at Christmas time. I feel as a wife, I should try to do something to make the season bright in the Harper household...

So, the first Christmas, I decided I was going to make my own Christmas cards. So I spent, a bizillion dollars at a Stamp-Up party, chose what looked like the easiest card I could figure out to do and made a grand total of I think like 20-30 cards, which wasn't even half of the people on our Christmas list... to top it all off, people were more impressed with Tim's Christmas poem than my card, and most everyone thought my sister (who did these kind of cards a lot and is really good at it) made the cards. While I was super flattered that people thought the cards were so good Jennifer did them, these cards mostly just stressed me out..The next Christmas after that I believe we flew up to Georgia and surprised my whole family by being there on Christmas Eve and for Christmas. Hahaha... good times, that was stressful cause I had to lie to my mother for a week, and I think she even cried one time on the phone, so, while I loved surprising my family, the weeks before hand were hard and also I was a nervous wreck until the plane touched its wheels down on GA asphalt. Then there is last year... last year I baked all cookies known to our family for Christmas. The crescent cookies, the ones with the jelly in the middle of them, chocolate chip cookies, and mom showed me how to make fudge... I felt like I was baking forever. And I felt like I used all the butter in Florida. Now, making cookies was fun, but I also gained about what felt like 100 lbs between eating the cookie dough and eating the cookies that did not make it in tins to friends:). Which brings us to this year...

I decided no crazy baking since I'm trying to drop about four pants sizes and eating cookie batter won't help:) (but it would make me happy). One day, Tim mentioned that he wanted a wreath for the door and he wanted to buy one. Well, that was just not going to happen, no way, I was going to make a wreath! So, I found some pictures in a magazine with some directions, and I thought I picked one of the easier wreaths, skill wise... well, it might have been easy skill wise, but not so much time wise. So here is what it looked like while I was putting together all 100 pieces of this wreath:

Do you see those little rosettes in the picture? Yes, I had to make over 100 of them. That means I cut over one hundred circles in felt, and then I rolled over 100 rosettes. By the time I was on the 5th rosette I was starting to wonder what I got myself into. But after three days of toiling here is what I got:

Not too shabby. But I really can't say that wreath making is my thing either. I really can't say I enjoyed the process nor do I want to go and make a wreath for every holiday. Especially a rosette wreath. So, I tried it! Another thing on my list I can say I have done and have some experience in doing, just not that thing I'm great at! I wonder what stressful thing I will do next year in my search for making Christmas in the house? Ha! We'll find out next year I guess.

And for your enjoyment...

What Matters Most...

2011-12-07T10:28:00.000-08:00

Many of you may not know this, and maybe some do, but... I'm a people pleaser... scratch that, a recovering people pleaser. I've been working on it for quite some time now because for some reason I can't please EVERYONE in the whole world. I just can't do it. So, what I've done to cope is pick a couple of people that I want to please more than others, mostly family and close friends, and then and only then, I give myself permission to not please them all the time either. I'll let you know how this turns out...

So, is it a big surprise to anyone that I really really really want my daughter to like me???? Kind of weird right? I mean, she's literally a baby. She's two months old, cries, poops, eats and sleeps. Most times in that order. But I mean, she can smile now, and there is just something about when a baby smiles at you, and then there's even more something about when your daughter smiles at you. But anyway, I digress. All this to say, I have been struggling with what to do when she cries. There are two theories of thought when a baby cries: one being, do not rush to them, let them cry it out for a bit, you don't want to spoil them. The other being: children are so small (remember, we are talking about a 2 month old here) you can not spoil them this tiny, pick the child up and figure out why they are crying and comfort them.

I have been struggling with this because, there have been people in my life, who I love and respect that have warned me not to spoil Karis and not to rush to her every time she cries. And I respected that advise, and I have tried not to rush to her. And I tried for like a day to have her put herself to sleep and it all just... did not sit right with me. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I kept thinking, "Well, you don't want to spoil her... But she's a baby?!? If she cries and I don't come and see what's wrong, how will she know to trust me, that I'm going to be there for her?" And the argument would go back and forth in my mind... So what does a person do when they need lots of opinions on a very controversial issue? I went to the internet to a baby forum. And there are lots of traditional and non-traditional people trashing each other's baby-raising techniques, which you should never do, unless you know a person abusing their child, then, you should get help for the kids... But anyway, one person put up some really freeing advise for me which basically said: Your child will grow up one day and soon enough will be so independent that they will put themselves to sleep and not need you for that, so cherish the time you have with the child...

So freeing, I say that with a sigh of relief. Because, and you might not know this, my love language is touch. I LOVE holding Karis, I love rocking Karis, I love watching her fall asleep, I love picking her up, and tickling her toes and kissing those darn cute pudgy cheeks! I love all of it. Even when she's crying/whaling in my face, I love it. Admittedly accept when I'm tired, but I'm working on it:). So, I guess you could say I want to spoil my daughter. I want to rock her, and pick her up when she cries, and I want her to know that her mommy will be there for her, even if I can't do a thing to help her, I'll rock her as she cries herself to sleep.

And I'll do it as often as I can cause one day, I'll be watching tv and she'll tell me goodnight and then go climb into bed and I won't have to do a thing. And I know that I won't be thinking, "Man, I am SO glad I taught her how to not need me at a young age." No, my personality is going to long for every second of this baby's life that I got to rock her and hold her, and sing (possibly off key) to her.

So today, Karis is tired and she's crying cause she can't do anything else, and I'm dancing to my Just Dance on the Wii. And I realize that she's not going to be working through this cry, so all hot and sweaty I pick my little peanut up and take her to the rocker and speak sweet nothings and prayers over her as she just cries to sleep. And then she closes her eyes... and she's at peace... and then she opens her eyes and smiles at me... and then I'm done. Maybe my daughter will be spoiled a bit longer than others, and maybe you disapprove of me picking her up all the time, but that's ok. I can't please everyone's opinions about what I should do as a mother.

Cause what really matters was looking into my daughters eyes and having her know that her momma will hold her even if I can't do a thing for her, i'll be the one to rock her as she goes:).

Look forward to telling you more of my silly learning mistakes and milestones as I go along!

A Baby Story

2011-10-06T13:13:00.000-07:00

So, as I have a few moments to type on the computer, I have decided that the hormones have leveled off enough and I have just enough time before she needs to eat to tell you about the day Karis was born:). Yeah!:)

So, it really all started on Wednesday that I decided I wanted to walk around a giant super target and look at EVERYTHING for almost an hour, it was so much fun that I started to contract... And hence the rest of the night I went back and forth with, "Was that a contraction? It didn't hurt... Lets just see if it happens again... Well, it did happen again, but it's still not hurting... Is it a Braxton Hicks contraction??? Wait... that hurt! a little..." That happened for like all of Wednesday night. I thought about taking a shower, but I have known too many people who took showers and the contractions stopped, and I was bound and determined to get this ball rolling, so... I decided to continue down this path stinky.

Around 11:30 on Wednesday night I started timing the contractions. They started out 15 minutes apart and then went down to 10 minutes, held there for awhile, then went down to five. By 2:30 in the morning when they were steadily at 5 minutes, I took a deep breath and woke up Tim. Now, for those of you who do not know Tim, he's like probably most of the population and that he is not perfect when you wake him up from a deep sleep. I can personally say, he is working on it. At 2:30 though, Tim informed me that this was not apart of his plan to for me to give birth so early in the morning and that we need to continue to time the contractions, and then we went back to sleep... Now, I know that this may seem insensitive, but in hindsight I'm actually grateful that he made me continue timing them because had we gone to the hospital so soon, I probably would have been turned away in triage, which was my WORST nightmare. So, I sat on my exercise ball, and watched TV shows on hulu and timed my contractions on my Iphone.

I had been texting my mom since 11:30, and she would check in with me like every hour, and finally around 6:00 she said she couldn't take it and was packing her bag to come to Florida, with my dad and sister... No pressure, really... now I just have to make sure I pop out a baby in the next 24 hours... Easily done, right?

At six, Tim woke up and we went for a loooooooooooong walk around our neighborhood where I was able to get the contractions down to three minutes apart. When we got home, Tim packed the car for what seemed like a million years, it wasn't but when you want to go to the hospital, a minute does seem like a thousand years. I called my doctor and told them what was up and they green- lighted me to go to the hospital. It was go time...

Until we got into the hospital, I went to triage, filled out forms then was laying on the bed, and my contractions STOPPED dead in their tracks. And the triage nurse checked me and I was only 3cm dilated. It's technically the hospital's policy to make you go home until you reach 4cm's. So, needless to say I was unhappy and praying my head off for some big contractions. (p.s. if you have not had a baby, I do not recommend you EVER praying to God to send you big contractions unless you really, really, really, want them) God answered my prayer. They came back in a big way in the Triage, and my wonderful, beautiful, amazing midwife, Andrea, came in looked me in the eye and said, "You are going to have your baby today!" Love, love, love those words! So, then we preceded to wait for what seemed like a millions more years for a room in Labor and Delivery to open. It really is kind of a weird feeling just sitting around, breathing through contractions waiting for a room to have your baby.

So, we get in Labor and Delivery and it feels like I have to tell like a million people that yes, in fact, I DO want an epidural. I mean, I understand policy, I was a case manager, I understand having to ask dumb questions a million times because one time a person died and their family sued and so now you have to ask these questions. But seriously, I feel like I told EVERYONE that I wanted an epidural. But first, they broke my water. And Tim watched! And the look on his face was priceless, and he's like, "She's going to bleed more than this?" And Andrea's like, "You haven't seen anything yet." And then she tells Tim every hour to eat!! So funny!! I think she might have been scared for him after he looked at my water being broken:). So, contractions get for real serious after your water breaks. And then I'm like, yes, please, for the love of all things Holy, please please please, get me the epidural, and I will love everyone forever!! So, they come in and give me what I requested, it's called a walking epidural. It's like not as strong medicine and helps with the aches and pains of the stronger contractions. Cool thing about this is, if you decide you want the stronger stuff, the needle is already in there, so they just bring in the stronger medicine and your good to go. Which, by the time I was 6cm dilated, when I was having contractions my face was "turning purple" according to my mom and sister. I'll get to them showing up in the next paragraph. So, I asked for the stronger stuff... Let me tell you, nothing feels so good as feeling the coolness of numbness running down your spine while you are contracting. Thank you Lord for making people who found out about epidurals, I love them.

So, mom and sis and dad arrive when I'm around 5cm's dilated. It was so good to see them, but so not good to know they had 4Rivers bar-b-q for lunch, and that I could not eat until much later after giving birth. Mom and my sister stayed with me up until my first practice push. It was very reassuring to have them in the room. Having them encourage me, give me helpful tips, and even my mom telling me that I was shaking from my epidural, which I could not figure out why I was shaking... So glad that they were both there. Because between me and all you on the internet, I was kind of freaking out that I was about to have a baby.

Finally, at about 5:30, Andrea comes in and checks me. She says, "I'm coming back in thirty minutes, and we are going to have this baby..." So, she comes back in thirty minutes, and I am moved into the birthing position and given an oxygen mask. Tim has to hold one of my legs, and we start to push. It was not very long, but it just felt like I was pushing for no reason, they kept telling me I was doing good, but I still felt this little girl in my body! Finally she got so low, that they were able to put a heart monitor on the top of her head, because she was too low to monitor my heart from the monitors that were on my belly. The new monitor had her heart sound like a door knock, which was strangely refreshing to hear while I was pushing. One scary moment happened as I had just finished pushing, and the "door knock" sound stopped. I looked up and Tim, who was looking at Andrea, who was looking at my contraction monitor. She said, "Wait for it.." And the "door knock" sound came back. Finally, the final pushes came, and I was SO excited, tired, relieved, scared... all of the above. (Side note, little one came out with her umbilical cord rapped around her head, which is why her heart stopped momentarily while coming through the birth canal). As she came out, and I heard her first cries, my heart literally burst. That is the only way I know how to describe how I felt the first time I heard and then saw her. Then comes the surprise... This entire time Tim and I could have sworn we were having a boy, I felt certain that we were having a boy... Tim looks up at me and says, "Meet our baby girl, Karis." Wow... I was not shocked then, I was in love as my beautiful girl curled up on my chest while they were getting the rest of the "stuff" out of me, and Tim was taking pictures like crazy. I just was in so much love. So beautiful to finally have the missing piece of the puzzle nuzzled right up under my chin. I was so nervous that she wouldn't respond to me, or love me like I loved her. But as I tried to calm her crying, she seemed to quiet at my voice. Makes me tear up thinking about it. And as soon as she was out and on me, they soon whisked her away to be cleaned, weighed, checked out, all that good stuff.

After she was taken out for a second, I just looked at Tim... We have a girl!! Oh goodness, we have a girl... That is all I was thinking for the most part. We are now considering owning a gun! jk, kind of...

So, there are so many more stories and thoughts I have one Karis, on being a mom, on hormones, and sleep, but there is no time, little girl is stirring and she does not like to wait for food. I just wanted you to be able to read this so I can hopefully have time in the future to write more about all my thoughts and feelings in this short time. Love you all...

Baby Math Part 1

2011-09-28T05:24:00.000-07:00

I have not written in a long time because, well, writers block? Oh it's not like I haven't had some grand ideas in my mind that were just waiting to be put out there. It's that I have a lazy streak that if I let it, and I have, can go on for weeks. There, I said it, it is out there, I promise I will work it it:). Now, let me just tell you, I have less than 10 days until this child is supposed to come into the world. I might have more than that, because apparently, the child is already taken after his/her father, he/she does not like to move:). Not that little one is not moving, nope, there is a lot of that going on, it's just, not moving in the gravitational direction of out towards the world. I, in my desperate state of thinking and watching so many other women have there babies around me, keep having to remind myself what my mother told me one day: I will not be the first person ever to not have the baby. You would think that those words do not sound wise, but you get pregnant and then get to your 39th week and don't feel any contractions, and have very little dilation and see how you feel. Desperate is a good word:). But I'm fine, really, hence, I'm blogging!

But what I really want to talk about is not me or my emotions, those things are dangerous and tricky at this point in time. I want to talk to you about maybe one of the reasons why children cannot help but come into this world a little spoiled...

Its because of their parents, seriously.

I mean, Tim and I are no fortune five hundred people by any means, but the thought and preparation that took place for this child is insane. I mean, for me, at least, it began the second we moved into the house. We upgraded our living conditions for this little one. At least two large pieces of furniture were bought for this child (crib and rocker) we did not have to buy a dresser set because we already had one available, but I'm sure that would have been considered if we didn't have one and thanks to my sister a changing table was not a needed purchase, but we did repaint:).

So, so far, the child gets a new house, crib, and rocker... let's keep going.

Tim's car... lets just say that while I loved that car and was appreciative of all the miles that is faithful VW put into our relationship and subsequent marriage, it was by no means safe for a child to be in it, especially if it rained, and living in Florida, well... So, like we were some kind of contestants on the Oprah show, we got a new car! Well, new to us, and pretty new to the world as well:). But the baby just can't have a safe car, babies must be safe inside the safe new car. Hence we have a new stroller/carseat travel system. All for baby.

Once again: house, crib, rocker, car, car seat/ stroller, and finally...

I started to think about our camera situation. You see, as I have been able to have pleasure of watching everyone around me have a baby, I get to observe these things, like, there are a lot of pictures taken of this new little one. So, I think, well, we have a camera, we have not used it in forever but we have one. But further investigation proves that while our camera is fairly new (it was my wedding present from Tim:)) technology has out-done us again and while it is a good camera, Tim's cell phone is just at nice and has as many functions as our trusty family camera. In fact, we have not used the camera in probably over a year! We are really not picture people, that is sad, and should be remedied. I'm sure this little one will help with this;). Not being camera people, we opted for not as pricey or as complex of a camera that is out there, but we did step it up last night and got a more fancy smancy one that will take nice clear pictures of our new little addition. So, I would say the baby gets that one too...

For the last time: house, crib, rocker, car, car seat/ stroller, camera, and lets also not forget that I was thrown a total of two AMAZING showers, all of the gifts at which are not for me, but for the child... are we getting the drift here?

Do you know what Jesus got? He got a rented room in a cave and he slept where pigs eat their food...

I'm not saying any of the things that we got or prepared for for this little one are bad and that we should all be ashamed of ourselves for wanting to enjoy every second of new life. All I'm saying is that looking at it now, and thinking about the way the world is today, I need to start learning now how to dial down some of the baby math. Make sure that when the baby, who then turns into a toddler, who is raised into a child, knows what it is like to earn something and to be thankful and grateful for what has been given freely to him/her.

I'm spoiled too. Don't think the baby math is just for a baby. I could do "daddy's little girl" math or "bride to be" math, or "I'm an amazing wife" math, or my favorite while I was working "I work so hard and I'm SO stressed out" math. All apply. I just think that this keeps coming back in my mind and it's something to consider in my everyday life! Maybe you feel the same, or maybe you don't struggle with this math or have these issues. I do pray I am not the only one:). Can't wait to show you pic's of our new little one, hopefully that will not take as many weeks for me to blog about!!

Love you!

The Twilight Zone...

2011-07-28T08:28:00.000-07:00

I know what your thinking..."She couldn't be"... "oh no she isn't"... "C'mon LaurieAnn..." But I am seriously referring and have often thought of this last trimester as the Twilight Zone. Mostly cause things are just off! Way off! And it could be because I now have a fully self-sufficient human being inside of my body, that moves... And not just the "Oh!, I think I felt something!" moves, but a human that when he/she stretches it's tiny little (probably getting a little scquinched in there) legs and feet, you can see the bump on my belly where the foot is sticking out. I am very thankful at this time, that the legs are not aimed at my ribs... yet...

But yes, I told you I would update you on my pregnancy if things have changed... and they have, big time. So let me get into it!

First of, hormones! Holy cow hormones, its not like I'm crying all the time, but the problem is, if I start to cry, I can't stop. And then I cry harder trying to tell myself that I am being stupid for crying. So, if I start to cray, the only way to get it to stop is if I just let myself have the good long cry to get it out of my system! Just wrong sometimes... And I am crying for stupid reasons. I teared up the other night when the realization hit that I was going to miss the Fall in GA... dumb tears, I'm not really that sad about it, probably just a short "whoa-is-me" moment, I'm super excited that I'm getting a baby in the Fall... I will miss the beautiful trees though...

There is a lot of swelling/sweating involved in the last trimester, at least with me. If the air is not down to somewhere between 60-70 degrees, you can bet that I am sweating up a storm! And all you want to do is stand in front of a fan and have it blow on you, just so much sweating, everywhere! And I now have cankles, large, water-filled cankles. I loved by dainty ankles, I loved how they narrowed right before my foot began. Not so much anymore, no, my now larger calves flow straight into the foot at the same diameter... its just so attractive.

Backache has become just apart of life. Even as I sit here, my lower back on the right side just feels like one huge knot. If I stand up that helps, but after awhile that hurts, so then I sit down, and well... that hurts more after five minutes. Sleeping helps the most, but you end up hurting sleeping as well, your just sleeping through the backache, cause when I wake up, which is often, there is all kinds of back, neck, arm joint popping that is going on. And I am slowly on track to getting the those cramps in my legs, drinking more water has become my mission in life, if only my husband would stop drink sweat tea in front of me!!

Speaking of waking up during sleeping...Wow! I already thought, that getting up once a night was going to be my MO. Not so, I'm averaging getting up twice a night, sometimes three times. A good night is now just getting up once for the bathroom. It boggles my mind at how much this is a necessity! Seems, the more this little one grows, the less room there is for my bladder and its contents. I'm starting to feel a little intruded on.:)

All that being said, I'm glad that I have a happy, healthy baby moving, a lot, inside of me. I know its happy, cause its gotta be, I mean, what more could you want inside your mom? He/she can be naked, stays at a nice warm temp all the time, is fed anytime its hungry, and can go to the bathroom and not wait for anyone to change its diapers! The good life indeed! The best way I can describe the frustration involved with this last trimester is sometimes you just want to pick up the bump and put it next to you so you can walk around with your back not hurting for a couple of minutes, but that's not feesable. So, I wait. Ten-eleven more weeks and we're golden.

Still nesting a bit as well, and I'll put up some pic's soon of the baby's room just as soon as we get our rocker in. Looking forward to a complete life-change, just need to get ready for it:)Hope you enjoyed!

LA

I went for a walk...

2011-07-25T06:28:00.000-07:00

I wanted to write this blog while it was fresh... I feel that the emotion is raw and that it is just very real of what is all going through my mind right now... To preface, I'm coming off of a spectacular, crazy busy, and unbelievable weekend. I mean, we celebrated two babies with showers, in two days... c'mon, nuff said, right? But this morning, as I woke up very early to use the restroom for what seemed like the millionth time, I glanced over and saw my wonderful mother reading her Bible, and I looked outside and saw what kind of a morning it was, and God gently spoke and said, "I think it would be a good time for one of Our walks today, don't you think?" The invitation out there, I was not going to let that go, no matter how my flesh wanted to go to the computer and check facebook...

So, I scarfed down some cereal, talked with mom for a sec, made sure Tim knew I was going for a walk, got my cute little dachshund all excited as I slipped on her leash, and then we were out the door, cankles and all...

And I have to tell you, I cried. For a brief second if I closed my eyes as I was walking along my parent's neighborhood, I could pretend, that this little cute thing I'm walking was my dog, and this beautiful older, shady (as in lots of beautiful old trees, providing shade, not that bad type of shady...) neighborhood with is soft grasses and big lawns, was my neighborhood. You could let the cool mountain breeze blow over you and just ingest all the goodness. The faces of my beautiful family flashed before me and the faces of their children. The faces of the children yet to come... My friends, I'm not Miss Popular back here by any means, but the friends that I have here make me smile so much. And there is so much history together, makes me happy.

Please don't get me wrong. The second I found out that I was going to live in Florida, I was excited. I was engaged to Tim and while it was devastating to find out that I was not going to be engaged to my fiance in the same state, I was so excited about living in a new place for our newlywed stage. Marriage is SO hard sometimes, and all the times lots of work, and to be able to discover a new city together, I felt like a frontiers-woman. It was just me and Tim and we were going to make it together. And I still feel like that in Florida. Orlando was not a place I was horrified to end up at, I was thrilled and excited!

But when you come home... My heart longs to have my child be close to his/her cousins geographically speaking, to visit friends often, to go to Athens in the fall and see UGA games, to hike mountain trails in Dahlonega...Who would have thought that while I was riding the backroads of my life with the top down listening to country music, I was actually falling in love with this place?

And once again, do not get me wrong... I live in a beautiful neighborhood, or at least the closest thing I was felt to a neighborhood in Florida, I have a wonderful cute home that I just love, we have an amazing church, with an amazing LigeGroup, and wonderful friends who do not think twice about praying for us and helping us out in an instant, they are our family, and I depend on them for support probably much more than they think.

So, how do I reconcile my feelings? I wonder this right now... How does my heart long to walk in an old shady neighborhood, and yet feel the love and excitement of meeting new people and ministries in our current situation. I guess that's why I cried, I'm just torn right now. I may not be tomorrow, I'll probably be fine in an hour or so. Just know, if you ever feel this way when you go home to visit that its not unusual, its so normal. I don't know many stories in the Bible of people felt torn in this way, so I guess I'll have to go back to the Bible to reconcile these feelings, and as this always works, focus my life around God my Father and follow His Will. It really was a good walk, full of good things... And I'll leave you with my final thought that God spoke to me:

LaurieAnn, I lead you to Orlando, and I give you All good things... Therefore, Orlando is good and it accomplishes my Work...

Yes, Lord, as always, You are Right...

Gifted...

2011-06-01T06:25:00.001-07:00

I am so excited about this post today! Excited and nervous. I hope it comes out right, I hope you get what I'm trying to say, or even better, I hope you get something from God, I mainly hope you just read the whole post;).

So, if you have read any of my previous posts from the past year, you know I am a shameless promoter of things. I mean, I had a whole post dedicated to David Crowder... And why shouldn't I? He's a pretty cool guy. A couple of months ago I basically begged you to by a Derek Webb CD, which, I still think you should...(jk, kind of...) Buy now, you should also know I am a huge music freak. I LOVE music. But today, I am not pushing music, nope, I'm telling you to go get a book... yep, put your reading glasses on.

Now, if you know me, I am not about to go give you a book report about this book. Cause really, honestly, I haven't read the whole thing yet. But I'm looking forward to it. Its a book called 1000 Gifts. I did not post a link, but if you google it, it is the first thing that pops up.

All I'm saying is that my beautiful sister gave me this book back in April. I had just come off of a small group study of Grace, and I was in this place where I wanted to know more about God's Grace, how much I need it in my life. How I Love God's Grace. I will continue to learn about it, I promise. So my sister gives me this book on Thankfulness, and here is my exact super-churchy, shamefully spiritually snobby thought about this wonderful gift she gave me, "Thankfulness? Didn't we learn this in kindergarten? I am so thankful for everything, this is going to be a breeze, thank you God, right, ok, well..." And I didn't have any of my other books on Grace yet, and I needed to read, so I shrugged my shoulders and read the book. (And if you are wondering, I did not say any of those things out-loud, THANK YOU Lord...) And boy, have I gotten my socks blown off.

I learned I am not a thankful person. I can literally spend hours in prayer, praying crying out, begging God for all kinds of things in my life. And no time thanking Him for a thing. Not one thing. And then I wonder why I still feel there are no miracles, no answered prayer. Why do I still feel heavy? But the author of this book makes a very good point. "Eucharisteo precedes the miracle." The author explains that Eucharisteo is a Greek word meaning "He gave thanks" by using two other Greek words Grace and Joy. Wow, Thanks, Grace, and Joy, what a combination to have! She then went to give the example how when Christ received the loaves and fish to feed the 5,000, He thanked God first. He was grateful for the miracle that was about to happen, because He trusted God. My prayers were never full of so much faith. Because when I ask, and ask, and ask, but have no faith in the one that I am asking from, what good are my prayers? I know that the Bible says for us to ask and seek and knock. But the Bible also says in James 1: But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. This verse has stung me for most of my life. But something has happened. And that something is thankfulness. Being sincerely thankful for everything I am praying for. Being thankful for the friends that I am praying for, thankful that God loves us and, He has brought us here so far, and He will continue to bring us along. That even when our lives don't turn out the way be thought, being thankful that God has done greater things in our lives. Being grateful for the very moments, seconds you are living. It slows time down. Try it. When you don't want a certain moment to end, start thanking God for all He is doing. I just tried that on a little trip with Tim. Instead of trying to make stuff happen and get him to open up to me on the beach we were at. I just started thanking God for everything thing in that moment. From the waves, the sunlight, the sand, to the beautiful husband that thought enough of our marriage to bring us on this trip to be with just us. Do you know what happened? A miracle. Tim took my hand and walked with me on the beach and told me all about what he was learning in the book He was reading. Oh, I wish you could hear my heart sing, it sounds a lot better than I do... Talk about Thanks, Grace, and Joy all in one moment.

My heart if full. A lot more than it was. Because I am learning to be so much more thankful than, "I am thankful for everything." And I am also trying a new thing. It's a bit extreme, I know, but bear with me. When I receive not so good news recently, I literally sat there and thanked God, and I refused to leave until my heart was truly grateful for the news I received. I did not want to leave this spot worrying, fearing, playing fake with the Lord. I was determined to sit there until I received the blessing of the news. And it happened. I looked up and saw the small birds, and God whispered, "See how they are so fat because how I have provided for them? I love you a lot more than them, trust me..." And I was able to enjoy the rest of the day, Thankful, for the blessing, the promise. It is a practice that I have been missing for most of my life. But I am so full. And so Grateful! What are our other options when hearing bad news? Worrying? Trying to make things out of our control under our control? Doesn't work, I tried, a lot to make my life bend to my will. It never happened. But, when you wake up one day and realize you are 25, going on four years of marriage to a great man, and expecting a beautiful bundle of joy too... I realized I am SO thankful that my life bent to the Most Holy than my ideas.

Please know I am new at this. There are people who have been handed news that is more mind-blowing than I have experienced. But I will tell you, I don't like being worried, I can't stand to feel out of control, and when I set my focus through the practice of Thankfulness, all of those worries wash away. My devotional today said this, "Let trust and thankfulness stand guard, turning back fear before it can gain a foothold." I would have never known what that would have meant if God had not used this book to teach me more about Himself. And I will also admit that Trust has not been my strong point in life, but through Thankfulness, I am learning to trust God. Somehow, those two are linked very closely. I am so tired of being fearful, you have no idea how fear has integrated itself into my life. A cage I was just used to living in. How Thankfulness has helped me, not just unlocked that cage, but broken it. I mean, I'm still traveling this road, but I'm so glad, grateful really:) to be on the road in the first place.

Hope you have enjoyed my Ebenezer. I certainly am!

LA

Pregnancy??

2011-05-23T06:22:00.001-07:00

As many of you can see, I changed my blog... again, I'm trying to make it look like the way I feel about this site, cause it it important to me. It's important to me that I get to tell you about what I'm learning and doing, so I hope you like the new digs.
Feel free to tell me if you like or dislike (but be nice:)).

So, a lot of people have been asking me lately how I am feeling. I guess because pregnancy is so individual for so many people it is different for everyone. So, when I really have nothing to say that is crazy different about it, most people seem happy cause that means I am not feeling nauseous or puking.. well, I'll get to that, but I do have a lot to say about this thing called pregnancy. So, I hope this is helpful for all kinds of people, or maybe not at all, who knows?

Let me first start off by saying, everyday of my life I am totally shocked that I am having a baby. I know that most of you know that this was a planned pregnancy, its not like I wasn't going for gold or anything, I just really can't believe there was success, and for more than one reason, but the main reason being, I can't really believe that God put the OK on me and Tim to have kids, its kind of crazy! Now, if you ask Tim, he would say that we are totally a good couple to have kids, which I agree with him, but... Sometimes I do wonder about us. I consider it a huge honor to be here, seriously, being a parent is probably the hardest thing I will ever do in my life, and I've done some hard things (for me, mind you:)) Tim and I were actually on the beach last night, having communion on the sand with our church after some beach Baptisms, and Tim started thanking the Lord for our baby. And my only thought was..."Holy crap, I can't believe we are thanking God for a baby, we are going to have a baby!!!!" I know, I should really be wrapping my head around this idea, but once again, I never thought I would ever get married, much less have a baby, really, so the fact that we are here right now, and I'm only 25, it's pretty incredible. And I am totally blessed.

How do I feel? At its worst, my pregnancy has been uncomfortable. Some people might be hating me for this, but hey, if you haven't had kids yet, then this might be encouraging. I kid you not, there was no morning sickness, no nausea, no nothing. I kept asking the doctors and my poor mother, are you sure I'm pregnant? Because for the first 12 weeks, I had nothing to go on, other than a positive pregnancy test. It was kind of scary, but I was really thankful for no vomiting, cause, in my lifetime, I have gotten sick a lot and have vomited a lot more than a normal person should, mainly due to the fact that I can catch stomach flu from a mile away. Seriously. I am really susceptible to that stuff. And if you don't believe me, look at the Christmas card my mom sent out last year, everyone looking nice and refreshed, and I look a little busted and mad that we are taking this picture? Its cause I was throwing up everything in my stomach from the previous night... Merry Christmas... moving on...

So, I am thankful for no nausea and vomiting, but what else has been new with this? I didn't even know my belly button could stretch the way it has, and it is only half way there. It already freaks me out. I used to have this beautifully cute inny.. and now... it just looks like a huge circle with a bump on my stomach. And when those muscles are stretching as they grow... forget it. The only way I can handle that is by pushing in on my belly button. I do not like that thing messed with in the first place, and all this pregnancy has done is mess with my belly button! It's like pregnancy knows how to make you uncomfortable in your least favorite ways... Then there's the fact that I have never been anemic (its like a blood thing, google it:)) my whole life, and now this child, that I love and can't wait to meet, has sucked all of my iron out of me... and now I must take supplements of iron! So when you are pregnant, not only must you take prenatals, but now my iron pills, and then because iron causes constipation, I must make sure I am getting an over amount of fiber in my diet...and it doesn't stop there...

Cause about week 18 in this deal, my stomach decided that all food that I eat must first stay in my esophagus and burn continuously before it is digested. So, now whenever I eat, whatever I eat, my dessert is always two-four (depending on the severity of the burning) berry-flavored tums... yum! But!! It helps and that is all that matters! You only have to stay awake for an hour trying to go to sleep swallowing indigestion before you go get you some berry-flavored Tums! PS. thank you sister for introducing me to the berry-flavored ones, they taste much better than the normal ones:). So now, I take prenatals, iron, extra fiber something, and Tums, lots of Tums...

There are other things too, almost every night since this journey began I have been waking up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. The baby sits low, very low. So low, it fooled the doctor one time when we were trying to find the heart beat! So, the baby had control over my bladder, yep I said that right, the BABY has control over MY bladder! Don't believe me? One little repositioning of that cute little sucker and I feel like I have to go like there is no tomorrow, only to then rush to the nearest bathroom (and if you go to our church, you know that that is not small feat) just to sit there and almost nothing come out... Nice little one, good trick you play on mom... And because this is a public blog, and I might have a male read this (doubt it, but there is a possibility), I like to keep things classy, but if you have any questions about boobs, well, lets just say I have a lot to tell you, its quite cool/unreal what happens to these suckers... But I haven't gotten to the best part yet...

This little thing inside of me moves!!! I mean, it moves like crazy! Once again, just like his/her father! So precious to be sitting watching tv or relaxing during the day and feel weird little movements inside that are not coming from my own personal organs. But from another little life that I get to carry. Still trying to convince my brain it is not gas, cause that is what it kind of feels like, so sometimes when little one start to move my body thinks I should go to the bathroom. It's all a bunch of mind games!

So, there you have it, I did not and have not felt sick at all this entire time. I have to take iron or else I sleep all the time and am super tired, my intake of fiber has increased 500%, my belly button hurts, I have no bladder control due to my child sitting on it :), and the best parts of my days are feeling this little one move inside of me. That is how I really feel about pregnancy. Oh yeah, and I still can't believe I am pregnant, writing a blog about pregnancy. Its pretty crazy/cool.

Hope this lets you in on my life as it is right now, I'll keep you posted if there are any major changes in the third trimester:)

LA

Oh, Mother!

2011-05-07T05:57:00.000-07:00

This is the picture of the girls in my family. My Immediate family. I have a picture of all the girls on my mom's side of the family, however, I need my cousin to upload the pictures on something other than facebook, long story. Anyway, for those who know me very well, you know that I love, adore my family. I think the world of all of them, and I may, at times talk about all of them like super women. My grandmother married my grandfather at a young age, and was called out by God to start a godly family. Which began a legacy of strong Chrisitan families. She is truly a Matriarch. My mom and Aunt's are amazing Matriarch's in training. And I could go on out my sisters and "cousins' however, we all view each other as sisters, cousins just does not describe the relationship we have with each other. But since Sunday is mother's day, this one is for you Mama!

There are a million reasons why my mom is amazing. One being she had four children, my older sister being ten years older than my younger brother. So, basically, my mom had kids for ten years. That is so awesome, kind of wears me out thinking about it! I also admire my mom because, without getting any formal education, we has been able to achieve, and quite successfully a lot of things in her life that most people say you can't do without a college education. Seriously, when I start to think and give myself excuses about why I can't do something or how I'm not qualified, I just think about my mom, and all she has done with her life, she never made excuses for herself, if she wants to get something done, then she will.

I also admire my mom because she didn't just raise her children to go to church. That's kind of easy, I know a lot of people that know how to get to a church on Sunday. But she raised her children to live pure lives, to love God and have a relationship with Him, and desire to live a life glorifying to Him. I mean, I know I have messed up in my life, and I've done some pretty stupid things. But what got me through my tough rebelious times in life was first my relationship with the Lord and just listening to Him loving call me back to His arms into His will, but also my family challenging my decisions and calling me out on my walk. My mom did that to me a lot, and I kind of did not like her for it a lot, but I'm glad she did, she was my spiritual thermometer and I appreciate that more now than ever.

My mom is also amazing because she never gave up on mine and her relationship. You don't know this either, but for most of my life, communication was just not our thing. At all, I mean, we would get into fights and then realize we were saying the same thing. I don't know, all I can say is that when I looked at my mom and sister and saw how they related to each other, I wondered why me and mom couldn't be like that. But she never gave up. She would take me on shopping trips, she drove me to everywhere in the world (mainly for cheerleading), she would come into my room at any time to try to talk to me (have to say, most of the time I was not feeling that!). But she did not give up! Every chance she had to be alone with me and see what's going on, she did. And trust me, because of cheerleading there were SO many times we were in the car together! And she supported me in everything. I mean, I did cheerleading, its quite foreign to a a family who follows my brother's baseball, football, and basketball games. But she was there! (and if she couldn't be, she would send my brother-in-law to watch, shout out to Joey for being at all of my freshmen games!!) I mean, talk about A for effort! Did it pay off for my mother? You tell me...

She is one of my best friends, I miss her like crazy, all the time. I call her on Wed's and we get to catch up on life mid-way through the week. She tells me not to freak out about being a mother, she says I'll do great (were all at least hopeful for now:)) We love shoe shopping together, and I do have to say I have found some awesome shoes for her! One day, (I think it happened when my brain fully developed:)) things just clicked with us. Years of trying and effort paid off. Me and mom talk openly and honestly with each other, with consideration for each others feelings and we let each other just be. I don't know when, how, why, but it happened, and I'm so thankful. No we don't see eye to eye on every issue, but that is ok, because I have a deep respect for my mother, and she respects me too.

Here's to you Momma, I love you, and I thank you for my life, and most importantly never giving up on finding that relationship with a different kind of daughter. :)

(Life) Lessons Learned

2011-05-02T15:15:00.000-07:00

I got to take a long walk today. I live across the street from this amazingly beautiful natural lake, but you can't walk all the way around it, but the short section of our street that is by it, I save it for last. Its a reward for walking as much as I do, because when you round the bend and get a hit of the cool breeze blowing off the lake, and you get to gaze upon this gorgeous lake, you would understand why I save it for last... So I love my long walks because I get to do a lot of thinking and talking to God, and just pondering. And the things I pondered I thought I would tell you about. Things that I am learning. In life. And what to do with these things? Application is the key to all knowledge, it's Wisdom. So, here are some things that this Christian, mother-to-be, wife, daughter, sister, friend, and human is learning: (And in keeping with the Rule of Threes, or any good Baptist sermon, I have three main bullets, so I promise it won't be too long:))

1. Gratitude
My sister gave me a book about gratitude. I love it, unfortunately, I can't read it anymore (don't worry Jenn, I will pick it up again:)) because I feel so convicted about my ingratitude. Gratitude is a beautiful gift God gives us. It helps us to focus on the Lord and His Grace and Love, it prompts us to Thanksgiving, and it is fundamental to the Christian walk. Gratitude is the first thing we try to teach our children. It's not just about manners (although, being polite is apart of good character, I think...) It's about helping the children recognize that when they are given a gift, to acknowledge that Gift, and the Giver. If we were to do a pie graph of my prayers and make a slice for my portion that are prayers of Thanksgiving to God, and the portion that are requests to God, well, you would think that I missed out on my lesson of Gratitude. I get SO stressed out in my life focusing on things that I do not have or things I want, I very rarely look around at all that I am blessed with and just breath in and breath out a sigh of Thanksgiving and Praise. But I can tell you, that when I do, when I focus on the God of all creation and His many good and perfect gifts... I am in perfect peace. Mainly because I know at that moment, I am aligning myself with the Will of God, and that is to bring Him Glory and Praise... and it feels so good.
My application: As I round my final curve of my walk and see the Glorious lake singing the praises of the Most High. I join with it for a couple of moments... in perfect peace, being the creation I was meant to be.... Until my dog starts pulling at my leash, which leads me to my next point...

2. Trade-offs
What is a trade-off? If you paid attention in government class when you were in high school, you would have learned that, government happens because people are willing to "trade off" a certain amount of freedom to the government so that the government, in return will protect the people. What?... Sorry, ok, for every decision that we make in life, we give up or post-pone certain things to attain another. For instance, I married my wonderful husband at a fairly young age. Because I did, I guess you could say I "gave up" or "delayed" certain things that I would like to do in life. I won't be visiting Europe anytime soon, I can't do as many "girls night outs" as I used to, I mean, I gave up my freedom as a single person very early. But!!! I gained a partner, husband, (lover...) someone that when I do get to do fun things, I can spend that time with HIM!! Which, when I do get to do fun things, I feel twice as fulfilled. Riley would be my next example, about two years ago, I was lonely at home and wanted a playmate (or a baby, either would do...) and so we went out and adopted Riley! I love my puppy, but getting a puppy means I am vacuuming hair balls, making sure he is exercised, spending money on dog food, and we can't just hop in the car for trips anymore, cause we have to think about the poor puppy spending the day in his pin... We gained so much in such a cute dog, but we also gave up some freedoms as well. So what do I learn from trade-offs??
(Application) Contentment. Being grateful for the things that I gain in my decisions, and focusing on how those things affect my life for the better, rather than focusing on the things that I gave up. What good would it be for me to try to think about my life, if only I had not taken out college loans? Well, I didn't, so let me focus on how those college loans were a way (I would suggest, though, finding another way to fund your education:)) to get a college education so that I could have worked the job that I did for two years which blessed me tremendously. Being content here in Orlando, instead of closing my heart to the good things that are here to offer...When I am content I let go of control... which leads me to my final lesson...

2. I am a CONTROL FREAK...
We probably all are in some way, but I am a huge one. Worse, I am a subtle control freak (otherwise known as a manipulator). It is awful. If you would let me, I would tell you what to wear (Bright colors, fun skirts and dresses, but keep it classy) I would tell you what shoes to wear (high heals). I would tell you where to live (next to me). I would tell you how to decorate your house (color! lots of it!). Probably the only thing I would not tell you what do to is how to cut your hair, cause I still can't figure out how mine should be cut, but give me some time and a celebrity magazine and I will find a haircut you should have...seriously its bad. I think I mean well, but I don't think you should be married to me. And poor husband, he is! He has had to deal with me for 5 years now (for those trying to do the math, I am counting when we first started dating, because yes, I started on Tim then...) I have been hinting, poking, prodding, "suggesting" that my poor man wear this, say that, do this, buy that, go here... I mean, I was just sitting on the airplane this morning almost in tears thinking about how much stress this man deals with, and then he has to come home with ME trying to have my way with him ALL THE TIME... I mean, I have good intentions, but you know what they say about those... And then, I worry. All the time. Do you know what I worry about? Everything that I cannot control. That makes up 99.9% of my life. Cause if you think about it, I can't even control if my hair stays in my head, that falls out whether or not I want it to! I can't even control the beautiful life that is growing inside of me! This child has done and will do as God pleases it, since conception, even I have no control over the very conception of my child!! (its not really my child either, this is God's child, that He has so graciously let me carry for now, but that's another lesson, and I will get to that later, maybe...) I am not even sure if I have control over the words that I type... all is given and can be taken away from us in an instant. Don't believe me? Ask those living in Alabama, N. GA, Tennessee and elsewhere in the country. Ask Japan. Ask Haiti. They don't even have control over the very piece of dirt their feet stand on. And yet, I choose to believe I have some say in something...What do I do???
Application: I was once told that recognizing you have a problem is the first step in recovery. I am a recovering control freak, and just like an alcoholic is always recovering from alcoholism (its a true fact, I double checked with AA) I probably will always be tempted to take control of my life (is that really possible?) and run with it. Today I prayed that God would move the knowledge that He is our sole Provider from my head to my heart, and that knowledge that He is good and Loves me will move from my head to my heart. Every time I start to worry about things, I pray that. And to show you how bad I am, I prayed that like almost 10 times in just my 1hr long walk. I'll probably have to pray it a lot tomorrow, and throughout my life. Maybe that is why the Bible says to Pray without ceasing. I guess that's what it means for me...

So, in closing, Expressing my Gratitude, Focusing on contentment and the good results of my decisions, and Praying without ceasing. I feel like those are a lot to learn and I have so many other things I need to learn before my beautiful child takes his/her first breath. Practice makes perfect, and I look forward to more lessons...

LA

She Must and Shall Go Free

2011-03-29T11:56:00.000-07:00

My family (mostly my mom, love you mom!) has told me for years that sometimes it is hard to follow me when I talk because I change the subject of the conversation so many times, it gets confusing to keep up. I think I have gotten better at that I've gotten older, ironically, I married someone who has the same issue (I refuse to call it a problem:)) All this to say is that the following blog goes a million places and I am hoping I can write in such a way that you will follow, here goes nothing...

First, I will start off with admitting that I can be a huge spiritual snob sometimes. What is that? Someone who does not like to give simple church answers to questions, I like to give deep philosophical answers that are SO deep... haha, but seriously I totally got humbled three weekends ago. I was visiting my mom and dad's Sunday school class at church and one of the topics of the discussion was Joy and Joy "busters" (a joy buster being someone/thing that takes away/destroys our joy) and the teacher asked that class what they can do to deal with "joy busters." As I was sitting there in my chair thinking about how we can meditate on God's word and focus on all the good things He has done for us (as you can previously read, I'm big on remembering:)) This lady in the front row said, "I like to sing!" To which the teacher responded with an affirmative towards the lady. Here comes the spiritual snob thought that I am sooooooo ashamed that I thought (I did not say it out loud, only to you right now!): "Singing? What are we in kindergarten? Who really sings when they are upset? C'mon lady, you are like, older, can't you do better than singing????" I am really so embarrassed of myself sometimes... God is so good, tho, He's really into redeeming things. Cut to the next paragraph and about two weeks later...

So about two weeks later, Tim and I get into a little, small, teensy-tiny,"tiff" one morning over the phone and the conversation does not end well and its time for me to take a shower. I did not want to spend the day with my "joy busted" so, do you know what I did?? I brought my ipod into the bathroom and found Derek Webb on my playlist and listened to the CD "She Must and Shall Go Free" and SANG in the shower!!! Do you know what happened? Joy Buster DIVERTED!! HAhaha, I can be so foolish. Here I was thinking that if you can just sit down and focus on God, do you know how hard it is to just sit down and focus? Takes forever for me, and in the process sometimes I just end up focusing on Tim and how mad I am at him! Do you know how easy it is to focus on the Lord when wonderful music is filling the room with praises to Him?? So easy! So, I admit my haughtiness and confess of pride and repent, leaving it hear on this post on the internet... But... Derek Webb leads me to my next paragraph and thought...

So, ever since listening to "She must and Shall go free" that day, I can't get enough of that CD. In fact, if you have been wondering where all my cool quotes have been coming from on my facebook, they have not been my original idea (I wish) they are Derek Webb's and whoever else helped him write those songs. This CD is challenging, in a good way, my friends. Its kind of like, the words are the medicine, and the music is the sugar that helps make it go down! (thank you Mary Poppins) This CD came out "03/"04ish and I mean it could still be re-released today and I feel be just as powerful. I challenge you to get the album from wherever and listen to the songs and the lyrics and really let what he is singing seep in. I mean even today, I can't get enough, listening to it in the shower! (I do want to put a disclaimer in just so you know, two things about Derek Webb and the CD if you are serious about listening to some serious Christian music: 1. Derek Webb is a Calvinist and I believe that comes through in his lyrics, there is nothing wrong with Calvinism, you can look it up yourself, but I just think you should know, and 2. Um, some of the language is strong, in that manner I mean, he uses the word whore on the regular, mainly to describe himself and the church in the light of God's unfailing Goodness. If that kind of language is offensive to you, it's the same way that God refers to Israel in the old testament, then this is not the CD for you.) Good, disclaimer made, however, today I was thinking about my cousin Brenda as I was listening to the lyrics, here they are, some of my favorites:

"Like the Three in One, know you must become what you want to save, cause that's still the way, He takes to the world..."

Challenged yet? If you aren't well... anyway, why it reminded me of my cousin is that she is working for and organization that rescues females who have been sex trafficked. Don't know what that is or what that means? I did not even know this existed until about a couple of years ago myself. You know, we think that when women go missing they were probably killed, sometimes death would be better than what happens to these poor souls. Go to Brenda's Tumblir link I have posted for you, she has all kinds of info on sex trafficking, but in a breakdown, here is what I can tell you it is: 1.Young women are sold continuously into prostitution, drugged, and beaten everyday of their lives. 2. It is evil, and I am almost certain Satan himself is the head of these organizations.

My Beautiful cousin Brenda has become like those she wants to save, no she is not being sex trafficked, she is working at a house and counseling, loving on and literally fighting for the lives of these women, so that they may know that 1. they are not a commodity, they are daughters of a Greater King 2. They are loved beyond the confines of this world. How easy do you think it would be to convey this to a young girl who has been sold to be a sex toy for perverted men at a young age? My cousin is literally charging the gates of hell, and I believe that whether or not you even believe in God or a higher being, you have to admit that this sex trafficking is just evil at its worst.

Did I mention that safety is non-existent when taking in girls like these? We are talking about organized crime, and unlike drugs, these girls can bring in infinite amounts of money, because they can be reused until they are dead. So, if a young girl breaks free who was earning you upwards of (I'll ballpark it here) $1000 a day, do you think they might want her back, and would stop at nothing to get that child? Am I making you uncomfortable? I sure hope so, but you know what makes me uncomfortable, sitting here in my beautiful house writing on my computer hoping to open the eyes of anyone out there to the horrible truth, while my cousin risks her very life to give love and God's truth on the frontlines of spiritual battle.

Derek Webb was right, I cannot reach one lost soul that is being sold into sex slavery on my couch, my cousin will though. She has become like the ones she wants to save, cause that's still the way, He takes to the world. Please join me, in providing support to my cousin, through prayer (it is the MOST important) and financial support. Sending paper towels and batteries is really as easy as it sounds. Or, do you have an extra $25 to spare? Send it to the organization as a donation. A little or a lot goes a long way.

I hope you got my thought process, singing to ward of joy busters, singing Derek Webb to challenge your spiritual walk, Derek Webb reminding me that my cousin is being Jesus to the World, my cousin needing your prayers for safety, support, and encouragement, and ultimately to stop a one billion dollar industry created by satan himself. Yeah... that all make since right?

Thanks for hanging in there with me friends!

A General Musing...

2011-03-24T09:58:00.000-07:00

To my friend Rachel who is getting married soon, I am sorry I put your blog title as the title for my post, but it really is a general musing today.

That is me on my wedding day. No, today is not my anniversary and I will not be writing about my wedding or marriage or anything like that...

I just wanted to put a reminder out there for all the internet and me to see, how really, really good I looked at one time. Vain? I don't think so, and maybe its because you don't know how much I really need to remind myself of things sometimes.

Do you lose sight of things sometimes? Isn't it nice to go back and look at pictures and remind yourself of things, sometimes?

The child in that picture was a very scared young lady. I had lived under my parents roof all the way up until I got married. I had never lived by myself, much less try to share a residence with a young man. But I SO looked forward to the future with bright eyes and great expectations. Do I still do that?

Tough question to ask and answer.

Here is to bright eyes and hoping for a wonderful future and remembering that God will take us forward, whether or not we are wearing a beautiful white dress that we hand-picked out for a special day!

Come Thou Fount

2011-03-17T05:58:00.000-07:00

Since I quit last November, people ask me all the time what I am up to these days. What do I do to fill in those 40-60 hours a week that I was normally spending doing my job?? And that answer to that question is... I don't know? I mean, I can tell you I do not sit around my house all day and do nothing. I could go into a list of things I do, but then I would just feel like I was trying to justify myself to you. I was volunteering at the church, but then I had to take a good look at my life. I was running around trying to do everything I could not only to be busy but to be a good and active member of the church, and one day, I just wound up unhappy and tired and miserable and crying at my friend Emily's house wondering why I feel like a terrible person. And here is what she said to me:

"You have the good girl syndrome..."

And there was a good and amazing conversation that happened after that. I believe I probably have struggled with that all of my life. The problem is, with us good girls. We want so much to DO things for the Lord, we forget to live life WITH God. I know you think that is silly because if you are doing something for God, you must be doing it with Him right? All I can say is that sometimes in my desire to do, I forget as to whom I am doing it for, and I hope I am not the only Christian on this planet that has done that, because if I am, that is so sad...

So, I have taken a step back and started to do things WITH God that I have not been doing that are very basic, for example, reading my Bible. Seriously, I will admit, I neglected it. Not proud of that, nor am I really happy with myself I admitted this on the internet. Moving forward... I started in Judges, I don't know why I just felt a need to read the Old Testament, and the only reason I know that I am reading where I need to be is when I am reading I feel like I am drinking in every word and I can't get enough. Loving these Old Testament stories. So then I come to 1Samuel and I read this Passage

"Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer (which means stone of help) saying "Thus far has the Lord helped us."

Now, this is where Come Thou Fount Comes in. Come Thou Fount (of Every Blessing) is one of my favorite hymns only tying with Amazing Grace. I have loved to sing the words of this song, I look forward to it whenever I hear the intro. But here I have been singing it for most of my life and not knowing half the lyrics is unacceptable. This hymn is chalk full of Biblical references and here is the Ebenezer reference, right in 1 Samuel. Which got me thinking...

Samuel raised his Ebenezer when he won a HUGE battle, the first of the many battles he won as a judge of Israel. When do I raise my Ebenezer? When was the last time, I looked to God and said "Hither by thy help I've come!!" The first Ebenezer in any Christian's life is Salvation, for Salvation is from the Lord. There have been many Ebenezer's in my life. I don't want to name them, cause I'm sure you have Ebenezer's too. But in the Old Testament, the judges were always putting up literal images of reminders of where God had brought/helped them. That they may never forget, still seems as if Israel had a bad case of amnesia anyway.

All in all, this has taught me that, I need to raise Ebenezer's in my life. I need to be more intentional about remembering and having some type of literal image to raise when I can recognize a time where God Helped me. I want to build my life around God and the reminders of where He has brought me, because to be embarrassing honest, I guess I suffer from amnesia a lot myself. Because the next time I sing those beautiful lyrics "Here I raise my Ebenezer, hither by thy help I've come!" I want to be able to pin-point the most recent victory in a hard fought spiritual fight. Something just to chew on today friends!

May or May not...

2011-02-21T12:16:00.000-08:00

For those of you reading this, I am participating in my friend Emily's blog where you can post a link on her blog to your blog... Its kind of like a fun game. All this to say, for family, this is not like a life-changing blog:)

So I may or may not cry a lot more than usual these days. I can't help it. When I hear a heart felt story on the news about a war hero (pick a war, any war, if they are a vet, I'm all for them:)) or football (yes, football makes me cry) I'm ballin. I just watched an episode of Off the Map on hulu and I teared up. I cry when you talk about babies, I cry when you talk about missing your family. I cry about anything. And not like pity party cry, just... its like I have extra emotion and crying is the way it gets out. I don't know. I'm not really proud of this fact. Its actually kind of embarrassing. I'm in church and the pastor is playing a story about a football team and I'm just ballin like a baby and I can't stop! Here's to a time in my life when I can't stop laughin, but until then, if you see me shed some tears, have no fear, its just me lettin out a bit of extra emotion:)

Bible Stories

2011-02-17T07:30:00.000-08:00

Have I ever told you that I am amazing at Bible trivia?? I mean, this is not something that I am bragging about, this is just a fact about me. I love all the cool things that are in the Bible. I love that God made a donkey talk to a rouge prophet in the old testament. I love how Elijah never died, he just went on up to Heaven in a chariot of fire... I mean, basically since I can remember I have been in Sunday school, every kind of Vacation Bible School, Bible Drill, Wednesday night Bible study... You name it, if the doors were open at the church, best be assured that my mother and father had me and my brothers and sister there to learn something (or maybe just to get out of their hair... duel purposes, right?) I also home- schooled for a few short years, and I watched my school on video. My Bible teacher was Mr. Bowman. I'm definitely sure I will see him in Heaven one day, because He taught me A LOT about the Bible, and I will need to thank him, he did such a good job, even on video:) I love all Bible stories, and I love re-learning them as an adult, because as a child, the wonder of hearing about Jonah in the Whale makes you worship at such a wonderful God that can work out those miracles. But as an adult, realizing that I tend to act like Jonah a lot, and worshiping at the miracle that God would still use me is so Beautiful.

All this to say that through the past year into this year, I have two Bible stories that I am really in love with. The first story is about the twelve spies of Israel who were supposed to go into the land of Canaan and give a report back to Israel of what they saw. You can read the whole story in Numbers 13. Basically, the premise is: God has given the Israelites the land of Canaan. It is their Promised Land. God tells the Israelites to gather some men from the tribes to go and check out all the awesomeness He has waiting for the Israelites just across the Jordan. Twelve spies go out, and they do see all the awesomeness, but they also see big giants and fortified cities that look impossible to defeat. Long story short, 10 of the spies say Israel should go and RE-SUBMIT themselves to slavery in Egypt. While only two spies trust God enough that He is going to hand this Promised Land to the Israelites on a silver platter. Needless to say, Israel sided with the 10 spies, and almost mutinied to over-throw Moses and go back to Egypt.

Why do I identify SO much with the Israelites? I don't want to, I wish I was like Joshua and Caleb and I just trust God. The Israelites operated out of fear 9 out of 10 times in the Old Testament. I mean, let me remind you that God was literally with the Israelites leading them as a cloud by day and a pillar of FIRE by night. They knew God. They walked on dry ground as they crossed the Dead Sea, and they SAW God part the waters. They saw God basically demolish Egypt (THE superpower of its time) with 12 plagues, and yet once again they doubt that God could come through for them again. They feared death in war, they feared they would be enslaved to these pagan peoples, even though God PROMISED the land to them. Their fear swallowed their faith in the most High. So, because of that, they did not get to step one foot into the Most awesome and fertile land. They spent the rest of their lives wandering a desert of dry lifelessness and wastelands, which I sure God designed to let them know that, that is what their hearts must have looked liked.

Is that what my heart looks like? Do I turn to fear instead of faith when my life is called into action by God? How many deserts have I actually chose to wander instead of take faith and travel to the Promised Land?

Once again, I am afraid of the answers to those questions.

Life was easier in the desert. It says in the Bible that the Israelites shoes or clothing were never worn in. They were personally fed by God manna and quail. But, all but two Israelites died of pointlessly wandering through this life. Walking zombies? They never fulfilled their true callings nor were they ever privy to see God in a way they did back in the days of Egypt. They just wandered till their death.

Lord, will I wander till I die? Will I ever defeat the constant fear that pulls me in my life? Will I die a walking zombie, never truly knowing my calling in this life?

The questions are ever in my mind...

There is good news though. Its another favorite Bible story of mine. Its in Joshua six. Its when the old generation of zombies dies. And the new generation is closer to God as ever, not wanting to die in the desert, they trust God and desire to take their Promised Land that they Trust the Lord has given them. Can you feel the excitement as they march around Jericho? Can you feel their hearts racing as they know this is the start of a new life for them? Even now I tear up as I think about being their the moment that the Lord commands them to shout for victory... even BEFORE the walls fell. Joshua and those Israelites witnessed first hand the Lord completely demolish a city. Not one Israelite died, but all in Jericho were destroyed (accept for Rahab and her family). The Israelites did not defeat the city by shouting, the only reason for the shouting was to PRAISE the Lord for the victory, because they Trusted and had Faith they He would deliver that city. And then, first hand, they SAW the Lord give them that city.

Oh how my heart desires to live that life. To trust instead of turn away. To find faith instead of fear. To live free instead of enslaving myself. God only knows how much I need Jericho. God only knows how much it means to me to have such a redemptive story.

And one day, He will wipe my tears away as I step into my Jericho and walk the land He has Promised me. That will be my story, and my song, Praising my Savior all the Day long...

Just Catching Up

2011-02-04T08:34:00.000-08:00

So, I decided that I was going to update this sucker, mostly because it kind of bothers me thinking that I have this blog out there that is highly out-dated. I just read my cousin Amy's blog and she stated she would not comment on how long it has been since she has blogged, she is a better person than me. The reason why I have not blogged since September 2010...

I did not feel like it.

Things happened, so its not like my life has been so boring that there is nothing to write about, I just have not really been in the mood. And blogger kind of freaked out on me and my background went all whack... and I am not an expert at this stuff, but my friend Jacque just told me the other day that she updated her blog, and I thought...

Good idea!

So here we go. In November of 2010 I quit my job at Devereux on the 19th, which was one of the hardest things I have done in my life, not that I loved the job too terribly, but I loved my co-workers and many of the families that I was working with. But Tim and I really felt that God was calling me to leave the work force, and so I did. On Nov. 20th, Tim and I left for a Holiday extravaganza as we spent Thanksgiving with the Fam in New Hampshire. In 9 days we happened to visit three states (New Hampshire, New Jersey, and New York)We got to see the inside of Tim's sister's new home, which is gorgeous and she even cooked us a small feast while we were there to visit. We also visited with Tim's grandparents in New Jersey as we were able to assist in helping them with a mammoth yard sale as they prepare to move from their residence they have lived in for 30 years. We did take pic's but they are on Tim's phone, I am so awful at this! Thinking that we put the coldest weather behind us after leaving New Hampshire, we then sojourned to GA this year for Christmas (no surprises like the awesome one we did last year) It was in GA, that for the first time in like forever, that we had a White Christmas. And I don't mean like snow that falls then melts on the ground, no, it looked beautiful blanketing the ground, the trees, and houses. As beautiful as snow is, it does not fool me. It is cold and wet, so I did not play in it, but Tim and the boys did. I think we have pic's but once again, on Tim's phone:( I also found out that we would be adding another beautiful baby girl to our family as my brother and sister (in-law) announced that they were going to be having a girl in May.... YEAH!!!!! I can't wait so see that little thing wrap my big bro around her little finger. It was good seeing family and I surely enjoyed being with them on Christmas.

New Years was amazing as my friends Jacque and Noelle came to visit with their husbands, so much fun when your friends literally marry your husbands friends. So the madness of the New Years weekend ensued. Basically, we went to a Japanese steakhouse then came home and danced in the street as our neighbors shot off fireworks over the lake we live near... So surreal and fun.

This first pic is just a good one of me and Tim:)

This second one would be of me and my girls;)

Sadly all my friends had to leave shortly after New Years to resume their normal lives, as did Tim and I... But wait, I don't work! What do I do now???

There is no way to simply answer that question, because the point of me quitting was not to fill in those 40 hours a week with more work. That would get us right back to where we started. When I am not horribly under the weather like I am right now, I try to exercise at least three times a week. I plan meals and grocery shop, clean my house, hang out with Tim and do fun things that I am hoping enrich our marriage... I read a lot, so if you have any good book suggestions (preferably a book I could get at the library or borrow from you!) I'm up for it, for now I have been raiding my friend Emily's books collection which is quite expansive and I am happy that she is willing to put books out on loan for me! I clean a lot, having a dog that sheds like there is no tomorrow. And out house is always open for guests and so far we've had a pretty good flux of visitors and that makes me super happy cause I love to host down here in O-town... Oh yeah, and I volunteer at the church, which is super exciting as I have been longing to do that for quite some time, but did not have the actual time to do so.

This blog was long and no very funny or whitty like I normally have with not many pic's. So I apologize it it not quite up to snuff, but I can promise that I will update more and have more fun or insightful things to read.

Love you all!!

Twisted Bliss!

2010-09-02T18:20:00.000-07:00

So... it all began a little over a month ago when my wonderful sister, Jennifer, came down to help me decorate my wonderful house (see previous blog to see my beautiful house:)) And as we were getting out of the car to go to one of my favorite antique shops she goes, "Do you know of any good Italian ice places around here?"...

Who would have thought that one sentence would change my summer snack experience!

It was only a week later, I was back at my same stomping ground, and I turn around and there is this place called Twisted Bliss .

It is this amazing Italian ice place that instead of just having shaved ice and then they pour flavored juice over it, ice that has all natural juice in it. They have flavors like pomegranate, black raspberry, mango all made with real fruit. They also have flavors like Avatar, which is colored just like an avatar creature, and when I commented about how it tasted sweet like cotton candy, the Italian ice lady said, "it has cotton candy flavored in the mix." AMAZING!! So, needless to say, its healthy ice, guilt-free amazing (and refreshing) summer dessert right down from our new home.

When you visit we will go.

Pictures posted below of our shaved ices!

Just so you know, mine was the smaller on in a "momma" size called Avatar, and Tim's is the one in the "poppa" size called cream sickle! (Yes, they both taste amazing:))

so, that is what is new in our life right now, shaved ice!

It's been awhile...

2010-08-08T18:52:00.000-07:00

Since I have blogged, I realize this. I guess, I kind of went into a slump after my last post, I guess you can read I wasn't really at the top of my game. But honestly, what does the top of "the game" really look like. I guess, all this to say, I took a break because I didn't want to use the internet as a place to dump my feelings about life, yes, I want to share, but sharing and dumping are different...

So, to catch you up, at the end of May, Tim's sister, Katie Harper, married her high school sweetheart at a beautiful ceremony in Maine. I had an amazing time, this was Tim and I's (Jenn is that proper English???) second wedding where we were both honored to be in the wedding parties, me as a bridesmaid and Tim as a groomsman, too much fun. Do I have good pic's? Nope, I don't, but I will order some, and when I do, I will post.

Almost immediately after coming back, Tim and I then went on a cruise. It was beautiful and I took SO MANY PICTURES!! So many, that it is too much to put on a blog, if you would like to see them, I will put an album on Snapfish and send to you, no prob, just let me know...

And then, on my birthday (June 23rd:)) God gave me one of the coolest birthday gifts ever, he blessed Tim and I by showing us our new house! That is right, we are no longer apartment dwellers!! Now, we have not purchased the house, mostly because renting does offer you that freedom to move in a year if you want/need to. So right now we are keeping our options open. So, the pic's are below of the house and if you would like to come and stay with you so you can see our wonderful house in person, please come down! We love to have guests!!

href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_Q3sL4Z3TXYI/TF9kbaYEqBI/AAAAAAAAAN4/cNlMURUbhHw/s1600/living+room2.jpg">

The Present: Part 2

2010-04-22T15:00:00.000-07:00

So, I'm not going to lie, that last post I did was literally inspired. I came home from my ladies Wed. night Bible study, and God had just blessed me so much, I really feel as if He pulled me to the computer and typed the last one. If you enjoyed it, I take no credit, you can thank Jesus for his love, really...

So what do you do when you cranked out a masterpiece that so many love and yo want to ride the success wave? You make a sequel.

Just kidding, I am not trying to do that, I just thought I would try to not be so vague and tell you where I am presently. So I'll be honest.

Presently, I am not doing so well as a person. I failed today at my job, by fail I mean: I fought with a 16 year old, and I forgot an appointment that I said I would cover for a co-worker... I'm not proud about this, and its not really funny, but its true. Tomorrow work does not look much more promising, but I cannot focus on that it is not the present.

Presently, I have not had my quiet time yet, I will do so tonight, and I wish I could wake-up in the morning and get a really good one in, but every time I wake-up at 7:00 (again) I feel like a failure, because to be honest I chose to sleep instead of hang out with Jesus (again).

Presently, I don't know how I'm doing as a wife, a friend, or a follower of Christ. I can't really honestly say I tried to do well at any of those.

My prayer is that I will make an honest attempt at being better at D. all of the above. Presently. And not wait for tomorrow, but to actively trust God and draw close to Him better presently.

The Present

2010-04-14T19:45:00.000-07:00

There is a saying that I have heard for a long time that goes something like, "Today is a gift, that is why it is called the present." It is a very cute saying, just something to remember and reinforce what God wants us to practice in our life, to just live and breathe Him, presently and today. To depend on Him moment by moment to make it through the day. Jesus spoke in the Bible about letting tomorrow worry about itself as tomorrow has its own troubles. We learn "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path." Prov. 3:5-6. This is one of the first verses I learned after John 3:16. These lessons, to constantly lean on the Lord and live in the present have been taught to me since I was a young girl...

But what if the present is painful to live in?

What if the job we get up to go to everyday drains our every energy? What if you are taking care of someone who you love who is dying? What if you have lost your job and are continually looking for one? What if the person you gave your life to walked away from you? What if you have children that are making choices you do not agree with? What if you want something to happen so bad, (meeting "that person", marriage, baby, job promotion, healing, etc...) and you cry and beg for God to work in that area, and it does not happen?

I am constantly confronted with the truth as I am doing my devotional every morning. God's desire is for us to literally draw close to Him. To run to His arms, and hide in his shadow. How many psalms are of David crying out to God and stating that he will rest in the shadow of God's wings as He is running for his life from king Saul? I'm sure David was wondering what was going on, God had told David he would be the future king of Israel, and here David was hiding in caves. I'm sure he was mighty frustrated...

But here is the deal, if I look to the future and live in the future, what happens to my present? What happens to my gift of life? I only am living in a state of "If only..." The present can be painful. We all go through tough times. Some people's "presents" seem tougher than others, but pain feels the same to all. So I choose to live in the present, even if the future seems so tempting to dream about. Miracles happen in the present, God works right now. Just like the cross. Jesus died on the cross, but the story does not stop there. He is alive today, and redeems us, even in this moment.

Even though my life may not be where I want it right now, it is my present. I have been given the gift of learning to draw close to God in my present. If I try to weather my condition by myself, the pain is too much of a burden to bear.

Lord, I beg of you to draw me close and keep me in Your company. My present is the opportunity to choose to draw close to you, even when I do not understand why things should not just go how I want them to. Keep me company in my present, Your presence is true Peace.

Spring N Things

2010-04-13T18:46:00.000-07:00

Cute title right?? So, just to let you know, I did get a new dress for Easter. I just got it back in the fall last year, and my mom did by it for me, it was on clearance... But it still counts as new cause I didn't wear it until Easter!

Tim's birthday was on April 11th. Tim is an amazing husband and words do not express how grateful I am for Tim's life. So what did we do to celebrate? We went to a place that served a lot of meat. Seriously. It's a restaurant named Texas De Brazil. Behold to photo documentation of the Event.

So my blogger is being weird and I can't see the pictures I am trying to post. But needless to say it was a fun night. Followed by a day at the beach, no pictures were taken because we were pale, and I was wearing a bathing suite for the first time. Yep, no pictures were taken of us (me) at this time. Maybe next beach visit!

Meditation on Easter: Day 4

2010-04-01T19:00:00.000-07:00

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Why are you so far from saving me,
so far from the words of my groaning?

² O my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer,
by night, and am not silent.

³ Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One;
you are the praise of Israel. ^a]">[a]

⁴ In you our fathers put their trust;
they trusted and you delivered them.

⁵ They cried to you and were saved;
in you they trusted and were not disappointed.

⁶ But I am a worm and not a man,
scorned by men and despised by the people.

⁷ All who see me mock me;
they hurl insults, shaking their heads:

⁸ "He trusts in the LORD;
let the LORD rescue him.
Let him deliver him,
since he delights in him."

⁹ Yet you brought me out of the womb;
you made me trust in you
even at my mother's breast.

¹⁰ From birth I was cast upon you;
from my mother's womb you have been my God.

¹¹ Do not be far from me,
for trouble is near
and there is no one to help.

¹² Many bulls surround me;
strong bulls of Bashan encircle me.

¹³ Roaring lions tearing their prey
open their mouths wide against me.

¹⁴ I am poured out like water,
and all my bones are out of joint.
My heart has turned to wax;
it has melted away within me.

¹⁵ My strength is dried up like a potsherd,
and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth;
you lay me ^b]">[b] in the dust of death.

¹⁶ Dogs have surrounded me;
a band of evil men has encircled me,
they have pierced ^c]">[c] my hands and my feet.

¹⁷ I can count all my bones;
people stare and gloat over me.

¹⁸ They divide my garments among them
and cast lots for my clothing.

¹⁹ But you, O LORD, be not far off;
O my Strength, come quickly to help me.

²⁰ Deliver my life from the sword,
my precious life from the power of the dogs.

²¹ Rescue me from the mouth of the lions;
save ^d]">[d] me from the horns of the wild oxen.

²² I will declare your name to my brothers;
in the congregation I will praise you.

²³ You who fear the LORD, praise him!
All you descendants of Jacob, honor him!
Revere him, all you descendants of Israel!

²⁴ For he has not despised or disdained
the suffering of the afflicted one;
he has not hidden his face from him
but has listened to his cry for help.

²⁵ From you comes the theme of my praise in the great assembly;
before those who fear you ^e]">[e] will I fulfill my vows.

²⁶ The poor will eat and be satisfied;
they who seek the LORD will praise him—
may your hearts live forever!

²⁷ All the ends of the earth
will remember and turn to the LORD,
and all the families of the nations
will bow down before him,

²⁸ for dominion belongs to the LORD
and he rules over the nations.

²⁹ All the rich of the earth will feast and worship;
all who go down to the dust will kneel before him—
those who cannot keep themselves alive.

³⁰ Posterity will serve him;
future generations will be told about the Lord.

³¹ They will proclaim his righteousness
to a people yet unborn—
for he has done it.

I will never forget, when I was in middle school and I was starting my journey of studying the bible through quiet times in the morning, and I read this chapter in Psalms. Immediately, I recognized this as a narative of Christ on the cross. How could it not? Christ recited the first line as he hung on the cross. His heart literally melted inside of him, he could count his bones, all of his joints were out of place (that is how you die on the cross), men were gambling for his garments... So many details in this Psalm make up the Passion of Christ... Funny though, this Psalm was written more than 500 years before Christ was even born. Hmm... I wonder what the likelihood of just one of these details to match Christ's death, but several of them? I will not deny God his glory and omnipotence, the rocks will not have to cry out for me.

As a lasting thought, as you read the psalm or the passion story, I personally watched the Passion of Christ (yes, the one directed by Mel Gibson, let's just say God did not let Mr. Gibson get in the way of HIS story, thankfully!) and it is brutal, it is not accurate in the fact that you could still recognize Jesus even after his beating. This death was not an easy or painless death, Jesus did not get to take a Valium and sleep walk through it, He even denied himself alcohol on the cross because he wanted to experience ALL of the pain. I don't want to preach, or make recommendations for your spiritual life. I watched the movie once, and that reminder, that picture of the true death Christ experienced, it made me not want to take advantage of Grace and cheapen it. What God went through in order for Salvation to come to the world, and ultimately let His Glory be made known to the world is horrifyingly incredible.

Thank you Jesus for Your Salvation, thank you for the suffering and tribulation that you went through, so that we may experience priceless, wondering Amazing Grace. May we never cheapen your gift by living how we want and not relying on You for all things.

Meditation on Easter: Day 3

2010-03-31T18:41:00.000-07:00

So, I am writing this late at night and I am tired from a long day and then an amazing Wed. night Bible with the ladies but I do have a good Easter meditation, it is my favorite sermon and one from my childhood I remember the most. Dr. Nelson Price preached it one Easter Sunday, and I feel it was the first time I remember paying attention to this thing called church. Pastor Price preached on the following verse:

Peter, however, go up and ran to the tomb. Bending over, he saw the strips of linen lying by themselves, and he went away wondering to himself what had happened. Luke 24: 12

Pastor price explained that, in the original Greek text, it states that the linens were folded neatly. In that day the Jewish culture, it was customary for a person who was leaving the table, if they were coming back, to fold their napkin as a sign of their return. I wonder what Peter must have thought as he entered into Christ's tomb that day. As he examined the floor to see if there were any footprints, you would think if someone stole the body the linens would not be present, and if they were they would have been strewn about the tomb. But no, there they were, laying neatly side by side. I wonder if all the things Christ said about his imminent death and Resurrection raced through his mind, maybe all the questions were lining up as he was wondering what was going on. Peter was the first to suggest they go back to Galilee after Christ had Resurrected, the place Christ had said he would be, waiting for them. He remembered, he was listening. Can you remember being so hurt from loosing someone you loved so much, that you would do anything to see that person one more time? I know a lot of people who would go to the moon if one of their deceased loved ones told them they would be there after they died.

So here Peter stands, alone in the Lords empty tomb. And as he gazes at the neatly folded linens, he smiles, thinking about Jesus and all the little things he would do alive, from washing his disciples feet to riding into Jerusalem on a donkey. And he smiles, as he thinks about the many times he had folded his own napkin when excusing himself from the table for a short while before coming back, a small gesture to assure the people at the table he will not be gone for long... And then all the Lord's comments and memories come flying into his head... He is alive, He is risen... I MUST go to Galilee to see my Lord!

Happy Easter all, and remember, the Lord not only folded that napkin for Peter, but for us also, He is risen indeed, and He is coming back for us as well!

Meditation on Easter: Day 2

2010-03-30T17:47:00.000-07:00

When I think of Easter growing up the main thing that comes to mind is azalea bushes. It's not that weird if you think about it. Azalea bushes bloom right when it gets warm enough when it is Spring time which is right around the time Easter is celebrated. My granddaddy, who has been with Jesus for many years now, loved azalea bushes, well, at least I think so, he had about 3938494048 around his front yard and on the side of his house as well. And my mother followed suite, I feel like they were the outline of our whole house, at least the front and around our huge wooden deck in our back yard. Every Easter we would line up in front of them in front out our house and take a picture, and then after church we would go to Mema and Granddaddy's house and take a picture in front of their azalea bushes. I don't have any of these pictures, mom does, but I believe these pictures chronicled at least the first ten years of my life if, not more. After my granddaddy went to be with Jesus, which was around my seventh grade year, we moved out of our old house and because of all the care azalea bushes are, without granddaddy caring for them, his ones had to be cut back. But man, you should have seen those suckers in their prime. Beautiful bushes full of white, or pink, or purple, or magenta flowers. Bright as the sun, and they made for the best pictures with our new Easter dresses on. Speaking of Easter dresses...

That was another one of my favorite traditions. Every year for Easter me and my sister, Jennifer, would get to pick out a new Easter dress and a new pair of white sandals. Now, this was a big deal, because growing up in a large family not getting my sister's hand-me-down clothes was HUGE deal, and second it was a new dress (and as I have mentioned before, I have always lived getting new things!) . I feel like getting a new dress for Easter is a southern tradition that goes way back, but I'm not sure. It certainly feels very southern to get a new dress for Easter any way. And getting white sandals is SO very Southern. Because I grew up thinking, and still live by this rule anyway, that you cannot wear white shoes, pants, dresses, etc... until after Easter, and you must never wear white after Labor day. Funny, I know, but to this day, even living in Florida, as much as I want to bust out a pair of my white capri pants, I will not wear them until Monday of next week. Lame? Weird? I happen to like tradition and to me nothing is more traditional than getting a new dress on Easter, and waiting until Easter to wear white. I honestly can't remember the last time I wore a white pair of sandals, I tend to stay away from white because it washes me out a bit (even the color of my wedding dress was "ivory" I think, some kind of "off white" color, I really can't wear the color it washes me out!) I tend to wear some fiercer colored sandals, but maybe one Easter in the future I will by a pair for the sake of it...

All silliness of dresses, azalea bushes, white shoes, and tradition aside. I think Easter is the best time to by something new for ourselves and our children, if you have them. It teaches them (and yourself) the value of getting dressed up to honor God and to celebrate the giving of life and Salvation through his Resurrection. And second, buying yourself and your children something new reminds you of New life and New beginnings. Things that were given to us through our Lord's sacrifice and victory over sin and death.

So, I know some of the women are going to love this, and husbands will sigh, but women, go to the mall and celebrate this Easter by buying yourself a new dress, reminding yourself that just as you are clothed in a beautiful new dress, so Christ has clothed you in His garment of Righteousness making us beautiful to God.

Oh... and don't think I didn't forgot about the men... You see my brother's always got a new dress shirt and tie (the one time of year they had to wear a tie, all other times were optional). And if they happened to grow a lot from one year to the next they got new pants and shoes. So the men can buy something new if they want too! Happy Easter and remembering that God makes all things new!

Meditation on Easter: Day 1

2010-03-29T17:53:00.000-07:00

So, this is a very interesting week, I guess for many people who go to a Christian church. This is Easter week. It really began yesterday, Sunday, as Palm Sunday as Jesus road triumphantly into the city, as the Jewish people laid palms down for our Lord, thinking he was going to come into the Jerusalem, take over the Roman government and start His reign as King there. Unfortunately, they missed a key sign of our Savior. He road into the city on a donkey...

You see the reason why I love Jesus is that he was very much into culture, his culture, the Jewish culture. I guess he should be, He was a Jew. But what I mean is, is that everything He did was for a specific reason. No gesture, motion, or word spoken was without key meaning. First of all, it was because He knew all the prophecies He was fulfilling. And second it was because he wanted to make the Jewish nation know He was God. So He knew that He needed to fulfill Zach. 9:9-10, but also there is a very specific meaning, culturally relevant to the people of that day, to a donkey. Warriors who were ready for battle road into cities on horses; Jesus, the Prince of Peace, road into Jerusalem on a donkey, an animal of peace. Very disappointing for the Jews, I think, maybe that's why they made so much noise, because they wanted to overlook the fact Jesus came to bring peace instead of a war, for that time.

Easter is a holy week, it is different than Christmas. Christmas brings cheer and goodwill, for some reason Easter week is a little more sober. I don't know why, this is the triumphant week. For at the end of the week, we celebrate the victory over death, not a natural death, even better. We celebrate Christ's victory over the death of the soul, the ultimate separation from God. So, as the week begins, I want to continue with the celebration this week. Of Easter's past, what I can remember and learned from some very awesome sermons, and thoughts about how God is so awesome to continue to have victory in my life today.

What is exciting???

2010-03-24T15:56:00.000-07:00

Not really my life, but that is ok. I haven't posted in awhile because not much has happened. Tim went on a guys trip last weekend, which was super fun and I am so thankful God gives us the finances for us to do special things like this. Tim is an extremely hard worker and an amazing provider for our family, so when he gets to do these special trips I am more than happy to let him go. He did not give me pic's but the ones I saw on his phone are amazing. God fun trip, hopefully next one will not involve my husband flying through the air on a snowmobile thought..

Life right now is pretty much, go to work, come home from work, chores, sleep and play with Riley. We have some trips planned for the future, Atl is coming up, a wedding or two in May, but no real vacation plans anytime soon. This is hard for a person life me because I always want to be doing something, and when life turns dull I really hate it, but I feel, every day that God is teaching me to be content with what is going on. This might be an extremely long year because it is a year of waiting and praying, hopefully for some type of forward movement in the future. But who knows, I am only putting my trust in the Lord and what He says goes. But trust me, when things do get exciting... you will be the first to know, all my lovely internet followers!!! (jk, I know I'm not that popular!)...

New!

2010-03-05T13:13:00.000-08:00

So... Do you just love new things? I know that all this life is passing away and I'm not supposed to be materialistic, but I still like new things! I got new glasses! It all started when, Tim went to the eye doctor and got new glasses, which is pretty exciting, and since I have an AMAZING sugar daddy who has an awesome insurance plan (and I haven't been to the eye doctor since 2nd grade) I made an appointment, found out I have a astigmatism, and got new glasses myself!

Here is us sportin our new glasses! Tim looks so cute! I love the new frames. And for all of those who know me and my mom... wow... I look like the brunette Kim Bounds. I like the glasses, I explained it to Tim that the difference is like watching regular tv, then like watching hd tv. The difference is slight but still more clear, and they are a pretty cool fashion accessory!

Be careful what you say...

2010-02-23T15:23:00.000-08:00

Because you never know how your words affect people. Let me explain. So, I bought this dress for Jenn's birthday party in March, it is a hot black dress, and it was on sale (that is a sign from God you should by it... just sayin') but the dress needed some alterations because I bought it in a size too big because it was an amazing dress and I knew my alterations lady could alter it to the right size.

So, I go in to see my alteration lady with two other dresses that I need to be re-sized as well, and as she is pinning around me she says this: "Have to give a little more room down here." She says it in her wonderful Hispanic accent as she points to my highs and booty... Nice, the alterations lady notices that my rear-end is twice the proportion it should be...

So, as I am running my little heart out today, all I am thinking about, all I am really capable of focusing on while I am in agony (I HATE running, more than anything really) is the lady pointing to my tush. Mind you, she was not mean when she said it, she smiled and kind of winked like, it happens to all of us. But really?!? Did it really have to have been brought to my attention that she did not need to let in my hip/thigh area as much as, say, my chest area??? So, I have run so far today, and now I will do 1,000,000 lunges. All because of this lady and her innocent comment.

So, here are my words of wisdom, be very careful what you say (trust me, I am TOTALLY preaching to myself, my family knows all to well my foot stays firmly in my mouth for most of my life) Because you never know even the most innocent comment can make someone run til they pass out and do 1,000,000 lunges...

I like...

2010-02-21T18:13:00.000-08:00

So, I haven't posted in awhile, and so many things are going through my head, I thought I would steal my sister's idea and post...

I Like....

Smelling Spring (and Fall) coming... (yes they do have a specific smell, Fall makes me happiest)

When I fall back into "school girl" love and get butterflies when I see Tim...

Playing with Riley in the grass, watching him smile...

Feeling Jesus hug me at church...

Crying from the relief of honesty...

God revealing a part of His nature to me...

David Crowder Band...

Planning weddings...

Being around my niece and nephew...

Being around people who can just "let go"...

Dancing, lots and lots of dancing in the living room...

Paying off loans...

Trying a new recipe and it coming out good...

Hoping, believing, praying, experiencing Grace...

Reading a good book, the ones that make me cry (They don't have to be romance novels)...

A good pair of high heels...

Hanging out with my family, oh I miss you guys like crazy!!!...

Writing, blogging, any way of letting you know my opinion...

"Amazing Grace" and "Come Thou Fount"...

A clean house (its only clean when you come to visit)...

Tim's smile, laugh, heart basically anything about him...

Nice warm (not hot) beaches...

Going away, and then coming back...

You reading my blog then commenting!!!!

OK, I think that's long enough, have a wonderful day!!

DCB*

2010-02-12T19:36:00.000-08:00

So, as you know, Valentine's Day is coming up. And I basically do not like Valentine's Day for several reasons. The main one being that I do not like that there is a day that tells me I must be romantic with and towards my husband. I will not let a person tell me that (that's probably drastic but...) much less a day. If I read the history of Valentine's Day, I believe there was a St. Valentine and he did good things for people??? Right??? Anyway, now it is just an awkward day for couples to be randomly romantic, as if they need a specific day to set aside to do that, or (and these are my favorite people because up until the year I met Tim, I never had a Valentine) a Day for single people to feel even more.

Second, this is our third Valentine's holiday together as a couple, and without going into details (it would seriously be a whole other blog) The first two have bombed. And it was not either me and Tim's fault, they just bombed. So, we decided to non-celebrate Valentine's day. So Tim did the coolest thing ever, he got us David Crowder Band concert tickets.

For anyone who knows Tim and I, we love this band. The Collision A CD is a CD we fell in love over literally. We both bought the CD's separately we would listen to the music, dissect every song, talk about it. My favorites would change to his, and he would like one of my songs. One night, we had a big hoe down in Tim's apartment with our friends to the song "I saw the light" on the CD. "Come and Listen" was played as the bridesmaids walked in, in our wedding. I mean seriously, sit Tim and I down and ask us about the David Crowder Band, and we could go on, and on and... Like, if God allows the David Crowder Band to lead some worship in a part of Heaven, I am pretty sure that is where you will find me and Tim. It's not just the music (although it is pretty awesome, ecclectic stuff) Its the lyrics. The words stated in the music are so subtle and cool when you are singing it, but when you go back and really listen to what you are singing... man, God uses his lyrics so powerfully to speak to my heart. So, yes, we love their music. It was at a concert of theirs Tim and I decided we go well together and can hang out with each other. They don't even know it, but I feel like they have just been with us since we have been married. Weird??? maybe, but true for me I guess. Anyway, you want to have a fun time, you come to a concert with us. You sing, and shout, and move your body and its all for Jesus.

So tonight we went and even stayed in line to be the last people to see them and talk with them. They are cool folks, really cool. So, I would consider this night a very non-Valentine's day date and ultimately my favorite so far. Tim did good:).

The Band, shreddin...

Us after the concert, I have no voice. Good thing you don't need that for a picture.

The band, patiently talking to everyone who came through in the line and signing autographs, they were awesome.

This is us with David Crowder himself. Very cool guy.

To close, I did actually speak with him, though I will admit I was a little nervous. I mean, God has influenced my life and and used his music in such an awesome way. I know the band are just humans, but still... I told him I loved their music and I even had one of their songs in our wedding. Mr. Crowder asked which one and I classically froze... crap what was the name of that song... I did finally answer with come and listen, but geeze.. how embarrassing to forget the name of their song that I had played at my wedding... oh well. He was so gracious, awesome people, good night!!

January 2010

2010-01-31T12:31:00.000-08:00

Well, I have not posted in awhile, and for all of my blogging fans out there who have been anxiously waiting (in baited breath, of course) to know why I have taken such along sabbatical from writing about my life on the Internet, its simple. I have been busy. So busy in fact, with so many amazing adventures I decided to sum them up instead of do a post for each. I know, genius! So here was my amazing fun month:

Weekend #1: The Bellamy's came over!! The Bellamy's our friends who do Campus Outreach at Embry-Riddle. They are quite the fun couple and we had a great time hanging out with them and chillin'. Unfortunately, I stink at life and I did not take any pictures that weekend.

Weekend Highlight: Eating at the IKEA cafeteria then walking around the whole store!

Weekend #2: A trip to New Hampshire to celebrate Katie Harper's (Tim's sister's) upcoming marriage to her high school sweet heart. They are a very cool couple and balance each other out perfectly. The weekend was so much fun and Katie's engagement party was so much fun with lots of good food. And once again, I stink at life and did not bring my camera, however, Tim's mom did take pictures and hopefully I can get her to e-mail a few and then I can post them.

Weekend Highlight: Eating until it hurt, there was so much good food, I think I ate for a whole 48hrs.

Weekend #3: Joey, Jennifer, Savannah, and Weston all came down and fit into our two bedroom apartment for an extended weekend. SO MUCH FUN!! For a really good account of the weekend check out Jen's blog about it. I love it when there are a lot of people cramped into a tiny space (probably cause that is how I grew up, 6 people in a house with 3 1/2 rooms, makes for a bit of a space issue at times!) That weekend we took Savannah to the dog park to chase "Wriley" (our dog riley), the T-Rex restaurant in Downtown Disney, and Lake Eola Park. This weekend, I didn't stink at life and actually took pictures!! They will be below the highlight.

Weekend highlight: Taking a Sunday nap on the fold-out-bed in the living room while my sister was sleeping on the lazy boy chair, my nephew is sleeping in his pack-n-play and my niece is sleeping in our bed. The weather was gorgeous, we had our french doors open letting a nice cool breeze in with the fountain going in the background. A Sunday nap is even the most bestest when you are surrounded by those you love and miss!

Probably my favorite picture to date of me and Savannah:)

Oh priceless photo!

We really got the best seat in the restaurant, right next to Sarah Big Horn!

My main man, Weston, chillin in his convertible... I mean swing:)

Now, it might not look like the best picture, but I think the sunlight makes her look like she has a halo, my sweet angel Savannah! (However, all us girls know the halo is good for hiding those mischievous horns!)

Week #4: This one has just closed out. However, we got the privilege of housing the Cantwell clan with us this weekend. They spent the night with us Friday and Saturday night. And for most people who stay with us, we did the same routine, but it is SO much fun! Friday, I cooked a meal, and we just chilled. Saturday was dog park, hang out til Tim gets home, then Lake Eola! And once again I stink at life and took no pic's. The Cantwells are long time friends and are a part of a group that if Tim and I had our way in life, we would be neighbors forever! Oh well, God's plans are always higher and greater than ours!

Weekend Highlight: Laughing a lot! And then after dinner at Dexter's going over to the Lake Eola playground (yes the same one we took pic's of Savannah and Weston playing on, but there were no kids there at 9:30 at night) and playing on the playground like a five year old kid!

And just so you know, I know January has five weekends in it. The very first one was New Year's weekend. Mom and Dad came down and spent the day at Animal Kingdom at Disney, and me an mom went shoe shopping. Just so mom knows that I love her, a pic is posted below:

Yep, we are wearing matching colors.

So, January was busy, but so much fun! We LOVE visitors, we love to share our life with anyone who wants to come and play, chill, or hang out with us. No one has booked us for February so please come over! Hard to believe that the first month of the year has already passed. I pray that God would continue to grow me and teach me more about Himself and continue to open my heart to Him. Finally, on my last note, I just want to give a shout-out to my friend Emily Blackwell, she blogs too, and her last blog is a lot of what I have been going through down here dealing with loneliness! Here is a link to what she has been writing about, its good stuff!

Reflections while waiting for 2010...

2009-12-31T20:27:00.000-08:00

So I have about 32min left in the year, and I figure while I wait in a chair, all family sleeping except for me (it wouldn't be as much of a big deal if it weren't for the fact that we are ushering in a new decade) I decided to make the time count and blog about my year in review...

Favorite things I have done:

Lots of surprising Tim and I have done this year. Earlier this year we flew up to New Hampshire to surprise Mom and Ed for their 15 year anniversary and then to my family's house for Christmas just in time for our Christmas Eve get-together. Both were fun events and Tim and I truly enjoy getting together with both of our families and spending time together.

GA/FL game. Game, not so much fun, seeing my beloved Dawgs get pummeled is not easy to take, but playing ultimate Frisbee and getting together with most of the family at Amelia Island and spending some good quality time together is priceless.

Jersey Shore. Too much fun. Different beach, I have never "chilled" at any beach farther north than South Carolina. So, although the water was a bit colder than my body is used to, the Jersey Shore is amazing. Board walk, unforgettable, especially getting to ride our bikes through it during the day. Even on the rainy days, we had fun playing board games or putting together a puzzle. And the food, oh my goodness the food!! Vic's, Kelly's Tavern, Uncle Nick's (just guessing on this one) and an amazing seafood place who's name I cannot think of at this time. These four days were jam packed and we look forward to more of them!

There are more, we spent an amazing week in Houston, so graciously hosted by Tim's Aunt Meg and Uncle Jon. And there is always the Amelia trip, I look forward to reinstating the yearly trip, so much fun relaxing and playing endless games of volleyball with you crazy folks.

Favorite Music that has gotten me through the year:

1. How He loves Us (David Crowder version)

2. Perfect People- Natalie Grant

3. Surely We can Change - David Crowder

4. Give me Your Eyes - Brandon Heath

5. Fifteen- Taylor Swift (oh how I wish she would have been around when I was in middle school!)

6. Words I would Say- Sidewalk Prophets (the whole CD is amazing)

7. Soundtrack to Fireproof - So glad that Stephen and Alex had the courage to put a movie out that spoke so honestly about marriage and its importance.

8. I'm just going to say the WHOLE CD of Church Music by David Crowder, LOVE his lyrics.

Favorite Quote by Pastor Johnny:
"You are going to end up where you are going if you do not change the direction you are heading."

And on that note, here are my goals, a "New Years Resolution" if you will for the new year:

1. Establish total discipline in spending time with the Lord, knowing him not just as my Lord, but more intimately, like a Daddy (Abba)

2. Run two miles. That's it, I'm not going for a marathon here, just two stinkin miles without feeling like I'm going to have a heart attack.

3. Volunteer more at church.

4. Be a better friend. For all those that I let down, you will never tell me because you are amazing people, but unless you live with me, I have probably failed our friendship/relationship in the most terrible way. I want to be a better friend for you next year.

Ok, I think that about covers it, I dwindled the time down to less than 10 minutes until the new year. I can hear fireworks in the background. So, that probably is a good cue to go, but before I do I just want to give a shoutout to the Edfeldts, the Heil family, the McConnell family, and all of those who had a different year in that they lost some very amazing and wonderful people that are dearly missed. We long for Heaven and our great reunion.

So, I can't think of any way to end this than by leaving my favorite verse:
he LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing
Zeph. 3:17

Oh, We got you SO good!

2009-12-28T16:47:00.001-08:00

Tim and I pulled a BIG one, I mean huge. We made approximately at least four people cry, in a good way, at Christmas Eve. Yes, we told our family that we would not be able to, under any circumstance, be in GA for Christmas. Fooled you fam! Tim and I had quite the adventure, flying in to Atl in the morning, living at the airport, taking a taxi to the home (only to be confused as he drops us off a whole block before the home) and completely surprising the entire family! Christmas Eve was so amazing, I am so glad God blessed me with a husband that likes to see his wife happy!

I was playing around with snapfish and they have a link where you can see all the picture from our weekend. And once I can e-mail the pictures Tim and I took on his phone from the airport, I can give an update blog and walk you through our day with pictures.

It was an amazing Christmas, I love waking up Saturday morning knowing I was spending Christmas in GA. And once again, I was reminded of what a holy day this was, as this day is the day designated to celebrate God's greatest gift to the earh, Jesus Christ, through Him we have Salavation and the privilege to live for something so much greater than ourselves.

I can use this...

2009-12-14T19:12:00.000-08:00

To complain, right? I mean, I know it is mine and Tim's blog, but I run it, sometimes Tim walks by as I am blogging and complains about me blogging and then approves of all I have posted and then walks away. But I feel like I run 99.9% of this sucker, and I should get to use this as an outlet for me. I am much better at writing down my thoughts and feels than talking anyway. So, I will write my complaint.

And it is to complain about me. I wish I was not lazy. I wasn't at one point in my life. In high school, I was a cheerleader into two seasons, when I wasn't at my school gym, I was at another gym practicing, tumbling or something of the sort. I took honors classes, or advanced classes. For goodness sake I took physics my junior year and got a B in the class, that is pretty darn good for not knowing the math that it takes to understand physics!!! I went to college, and got a little more lazy in the beginning. But one semester I took 18 hours and had a job, and I got almost all A's. That is really impressive, at least for me. So the question begs.... WHY AM I SO LAZY!!! I have always worked hard. It kills me to know that my everyday routine is to go to work, come home, and sit around for five hours and then at 10 o'clock at night decide things need to be done...AH! I hate that I am mad at myself right now!! So, I am going to go finish wrapping presents, and try to come to the bottom of my laziness problem. And really, what I really need is prayer. If you guys could pray that God would reveal to me why I have become so slothful (it is a deadly sin). This really is something that affects my marriage (Tim hates laziness, I think it is because he is so Godly) and it is affecting my spiritual life. And as my sister writes about how she runs today, I kick myself because I am getting fatter and I still continue to sit on this couch. Jenn, you are truly an inspiration to me. My future as a mother, a good wife, and servant of God depends on kicking this habit of lazy. I ask for your prayers, not that one day I wake up and all the sudden I am just not lazy anymore, but that God would reveal to me the source of the sin.

That would be helpful, because I really don't want to get fat either. Night!

You better...

2009-11-28T06:23:00.000-08:00

Save some time for reading this post, it may take awhile, cause I'm going all the way back...

To October as more fun things happened that I so rudely decided that the world could wait to hear about, (just kidding), but a lot has happened. First, I need to educate those on my husband, Tim. He is a man that LOVES to be connected with others. He loves to "make connections" if you will, and when the Chick-fil-a conference came down to Orlando, Tim could not wait to see the Cathy's and introduce himself, he was so excited to see them, and Bubba is such a hoot, he was handing Tim gifts as he was talking to Tim! But anyway, part of this experience and education about Tim, is that he LOVES planes. Loves them, he still stops talking to me to watch the plane, I have never taken offense to this because I love watching his passion. I honestly do not know how God is going to use that in Tim's life, but God gave Tim that passion, and God will be the one to use that passion to glorify Himself. So moving on, Truett Cathy flew down on his plane, and I have some lovely family members that were kind enough to get Tim "connected" with John Dixon, who was such a great guy, and let Tim take a tour of the plane.

Here is Tim in front of the airplane, this might looke like an ordinary smile, but it is actually his "Iam SO excited smile" trust me, there is a difference.

This picture is blurry, and you can't read the inscription, but Mr. Cathy puts this inscription on his plane, and Tim has stated that he has seen it elsewhere on other vehicles. I honestly can't remember what is says, hopefully Amy will leave a comment stating what it says, but it is basically a reminder to all that these gifts come from God and we are to be good stewards of them. Tim was very blown away and had an awesome experience touring the plane.

Ending our beautiful and exciting month of October was the GA/FL game. April gave a good synopsis of the game: we come, we eat really good food, we go to the game, we lose, we go back to the condo and eat more really good food. The most fun was had playing ultimate Frisbee and jumping into the ocean after than walking out of the Jacksonville stadium ashamed... Some pictures from the event:

Everyone getting ready before the game, hoping to use their "dawgs win celebreation tools." We did not use them...

Us before the game, before I sweated off all my make up and lost my voice yelling. Side note, Jennifer got me that wonderful purse for a Christmas gift, matched my outfit perfectly!

I was quite unhappy with the scoreboard the whole game :(

My first GA game that I attended that got me insanely addicted to UGA was the GA vs Northwestern game. It was a complete blowout, and the stadium was full, but not crazy and packed like this! GA/FL was Tim's first game, which I thought was very cool. But I still want him to go to one "between the hedges" to get the full effect one day!

And, I'm just throwing this one in cause Amy is hilarious!

OK, now we are finally in November, and I think at least my mom knows what that means, MY ANNIVERSARY!! I know two years is not that long, and it is not, Tim and I can't wait to be sitting on rocking chairs holding hands when we are eighty years old. He is still my best friend, I am still my crazy weird self around him, and we have loved getting to live in our own little world here in Orlando. But our anniversary gives us an excuse to go out of town, spend money, and take a long needed vacation. Tim's Aunt Meg and Uncle Jon were kind enough to open their home in Houston to host our gig.

Our first full day there, we went with Aunt Meg to our first dog show. They have the most adorable puppy who is a German Short-Hair that they show. Very cool!

This was just one of the dogs that was a winner, but it is an English Bulldog, and it WILL be our next dog, because I get to pick. They are so adorable :)

Just a couple of people at a dog show, lots of fun!

The next day we went to a mall called The Galleria, it reminded me of Phipps Plaza in Atlanta except it also had an ice-skating rink in it. Did we go ice-skating? Yes! Was I excited? Yes! Until I realized the last time I went ice-skating was OVER ten years ago! Oh crap! Here is what happened:

Me skating around looking like a fool, trying not to fall.

Stop for a fun picture on the ice, see I look like I'm having SO much fun!!

We go back to skating and the only way I would do it is if Tim promised to hold my hand, that is not a "pose" face, that is really sheer terror as I have realized what I got myself into.

I was not holding Tim's hand, I was clinching onto it for dear life.

Did I mention Tim was a pro at skating and had no problems whatsoever, and at one time he skated circles around my clumsy self??? Oh yeah, he's a skating pro! seriously...

The next day was our anniversary day, so we decided to stay at home and relax and go out to dinner that evening. The Vitarious's have a kyak, so Tim and I were discussing about going out on the lake that is in their back yard. It wasn't until I saw that kyak that I realized it was only for one person. Did we try to fit two in it anyway? Yes we did. Aunt Meg told us her daughter goes out on it all the time with her friends, so it should not be any harder for us.

Then Tim and I realized we DO weigh a lot more than two teenage girls. Here is our first try at it, I am in sheer terror, again, because as you can see, this kyak is a little back heavy (don't know why?? jk) and the slightes move of his orr was making the whole thing shake BIG time, that was going to send us tumbling into that VERY cold lake. Luckily, we did get back to the shore to try a different method:

This worked a little better, the kyak was still shaky, but our center of gravity was more in the middle, so it was doable. However, if you can see my legs, they were so pressed against the side of the kyak I lost feeling in the bottom of my shins. We did have fun though, it was quite an adventure.

That night we got dressed up to go to Vic and Anthony's.

I'm kind of upset that we did not take a picture with the food, it was an awesome steakhouse were the meat just melts in your mouth. Amazing. It was recommended to us by a friend and we thanked him for giving us a great place to eat for the evening.

Wednesday, Grammy and Grumpy came into town and unfortuneatly, we did not take any pictures that day (I need to work on that) but it was a fun day of catching up with them and relaxing around the house. Thursday we spent the day at a Museum in downtown Houston, and then went to dinner with one of my friend's, Kim and her boyfriend. That was a fun evening as well, and unfortunately, agian we only took pictures at the museum:

Me and Dinorsaurs.

Tim getting eaten by dinosaurs.

I love faceshots, I do them all the time with Tim. This is us having fun at the Museum.

To be honest with you, we did so much. There was a butterfly garden we went to at the museum (all who know me, know I love butterflies) I took SO many pictures, it is almost too much. We did a lot of relaxing that week, it was actually nice to go on vacation and relax and not be so busy we can't sleep or just lay around. And, I am officially going to have to cut this blog into two because I have pictures of our last adventure which was on Thankgsiving as we tooled around Orlando, with Riley, trying to find the perfect Christmas picture. More to come on that! So I hope you enjoy the catching up, more updates to come later!

Weekend update...

2009-10-25T14:43:00.001-07:00

So, I don't have any pictures for this post, but I will leave links so you can click on things and be entertained. First of all, last weekend, Mom and Dad came down to visit. When you come visit me on a long weekend, this is what we do: Saturday we wake up and go to the Winter Park Farmer's Market. What I like to do is get $20 in cash and see how much I can buy for that $20. I always encourage people to buy the fresh squeezed lemonade that is always there, kettle corn (I have eaten a whole large bag by myself), and then I take you to the bakery part of the Market where you can buy Belgian waffles topped with fresh strawberry topping and cheese cake topping (you need at least three people to finish), or the fresh cheesecake "cupcakes" that come in all kinds of flavors from key lime to cookies and cream, SO good. The Market has fresh flowers there that I always think would be great gifts for the "green thumb" members of the family, and that does not include me. Very cool place.

After Farmer's Market, I would lead you to Park Ave just across the street from the Market. There are all kinds of boutiques and fun places to look at different clothes, however, these kinds of places you would buy an "investment" article of clothing, but they are fun nonetheless.

After Park Ave, we would come home and get Riley. Riley cannot come to Winter Park yet because he has not developed manners yet, we are working on that, mostly just waiting for him to grow out of being a puppy. We love taking dogs to Fleet Peeple's Park which is an off leash dog park. That kind of scared mom and dad because there happened to be a higher number of pit bulls at the park that day, but we have never had a negative experience with dogs at the park and most people are good about making their dogs behave, we love it there.

After Riley gets tuckered out, Tim and I like to take people out to "Orlando" restaurants, places that you don't have in your own home town. We do have a number of places we enjoy like, Blackhammock where you WILL try gator tail (good) and the other wonderful seafood selections offered. They also have an alligator exhibit and air boats, its a pretty cool place.

Sunday we bring you to our life group and church, which is always an experience, I like showing off my family to the group, its fun. Sunday's are always a lazy day maybe do some shopping if we didn't do any on Saturday.

So, hopefully mom will post the little pictures we took of the weekend on her post, but it was a fun weekend.

Currently, Tim and I are going to a class on Wednesday nights that focuses on the person not only finding their spiritual gift, but finding how that gift is married to their passions and how you can serve the church with the gift and passions that you have. We first had to take two spiritual gift inventories that Pastor Jimmy himself created with his wife (his ministry in the church is actually helping people find their passion and where to serve in the church) Try is for yourself at jandlministry.com. Very enlightening. I am looking forward to see where God wants me to serve in our church to better his glory. Hopefully I will have an update for you on where that leads in the coming months.

Ok, that's all for the weekend update, wish I had something clever to end this with, but oh well. Love you All!

September

2009-10-04T16:21:00.000-07:00

So, so much has happened in September that is has taken me a whole month to think about what I have wanted to blog about. And now for some reason all of my writing is underlined. Due to the fact that blogging confuses me greatly, I will continue because I do not know how to get the underline to go away. Here are some highlights of the month...

September started out with an awesome extended weekend in New Hampshire/New Jersey. We flew into Manchester and spent a whole day with Tim's dad and the model T's driving around Keene. It is actually a very cool experience, you kind of feel like a celebrity, people stopped along the way and waved to us and honked (some good honks, some bad:)) I enjoyed the experience greatly and it was another unique part of Tim's life growing up we got to share together. Ah, the joys of being newly weds and continuing to get to know more about each other...

I don't know how many of you know this, but Tim actually knows how to drive a Model T. With some refreshment courses from Bill, Tim drove us around town in his (that's right, Tim actually has his own Model T that Bill is keeping for him for now) Model T truck.

Next we drove down to New Jersey to vacation a little bit with Kathy, Ed, Uncle Rod and Aunt Lori. While at the Jersey Shore, I was introduced to the fair, I mean the original one. So I partook of the goods and played one of Tim's childhood favorites and played Frog Bogs. I won a BIG FROG. The above picture is a picture of two grown people strategizing about how to win a carnival game... Nice...

This is all of us in front of Kelly's, an extremely authentic Irish tavern that has really good Reubens. I liked the place so much I got a shirt. I can fortell that there will definitely be more Kelly's in my future.

I know this is out of order but I am tired of trying to rearrange pictures on the blog and then having them lost. This is a picture of me in front of the Frog Bog place that I won BIG at the night before. That day we had rented bikes and you can ride through the fair because most of the shops are closed and not as many people are walking around. Fun times!

The next weekend away we spent was in GA due to the fact that Weston was supposed to be born only a couple of weeks earlier, not the day after I left from the last weekend I visited GA. So, I kind of missed my nephews "new born" baby stage, he was about a little over month old by the time we got up there. However, the boy is still so cute, a little grumpy, but very cute. He has an adorable sister, this is me, Emily, and Savannah, I like the pic!

I got the pleasure of assisting in bath time a couple of nights I was there. Those baby blues are SO adorable I cannot resist that child, her Aunt La definitely spoils her rotten!

I like this picture because this is my typical family, busy, organized chaos, and a whole lot of fun, this was our attempt at a Christmas picture, I think we should probably go with the one we took back in July, mostly due to the fact that is that picture all the girls were ready for it!

And finally, a couple of hours before we had to fly back to FL, Uncle David gave me and Tim our first tour of the Chick-Fil-A corporate building. For those of you who don't know, Uncle David is an awesome tour guide and is extremely informative about everything in the world, especially Chick-fil-a (one time I interviewed him for a term paper and with all the info I was given by him, not only did I get an A on the paper, but the professor wanted me to do more research on it for him!) This is Tim and I in Truett Cathy's office, very cool, really does feel like a tree house.

And last but certainly not least is us infront of the famed Batmobile that Mr. Cathy bought a long time ago. I think it looks cooler in person. We couldn't touch, but the pic is great.

So, here was September in a nutshell, lots of great memories and I am glad I got this one over with so I can blog about my other topics I have been thinking about!! ha!

My Jericho Progect

2009-09-06T14:13:00.000-07:00

So lately, I have been reading through the book of Joshua and about all the many battles that took place in order to take the land of Canaan, the future home of Israel. And as I am reading through this, I am just now realizing, through all my years of Sunday School and Bible class with Mr. Bowman (home school teacher) and all my other Bible teachers, that taking this land did not happen over night after they took Jericho, it took quite some time. However, God was trying to teach them an important lesson beginning with Jericho.

You all know, that at Jericho, the only instructions for war, beside walking around the giant city a millions times (I'm sure it felt like that to them) was to shout, but not to shout a war cry, but a shout of praise to God, for HE had GIVEN them the city. They were crying victory before the war even began!! And then God handed them the city, almost gift wrapped it for them. And as I kept reading throughout Joshua, when the Israelites had to continue to fight to win there inheritance, Joshua reminded them over and over that it was not going to be a battle, God had already PROMISED them the land, the battle was mostly just a test of faith for the people, almost a technicality. What is even more interesting is, as I am reading I am just realizing that the Canaanites were not small villages that were in the beginning steps of forming a more sophisticated government. These were highly militarized, big states (kingdoms, as the Bible calls it). And even though they had such technology as iron chariots, Joshua continued to contend that God can take them, just show up for the battle!

So, through reading this, I am realizing there needs to be some application. We all have Jericho's, you can call them what you want, your "Giant," "Goliath", "Mountain"..etc. But the key is to praise God for the victory no matter what the circumstance and how crazy it is. I like to think of Tim and I's situation as a Jericho because we do have a promised land waiting for us, no more college loans! So as we are coming up through different obstacles, waiting on the Lord, and looking into the future, I am challenging myself to praise God for all the victories that are coming ahead and hope that it will not take us as long as it took Israel to take our promised land by storm, hopefully I can practice more faith in God for victory... to be continued...

Let me muse over this...

2009-08-16T17:38:00.000-07:00

So, this week was crazy with so many different stories, and of course, I have a million different thoughts about each different event. First I will start out with my sister, Jennifer, had my nephew, or her son mainly. I am so happy and sad at the same time. This beautiful baby comes (two days after I left town, my theory is that its because he wanted to see me so bad he came four weeks early) and as I am joyous for this blooming family, my heart cries because I miss you all SO much. I don't know if anyone caught on, but when I was visiting last weekend I stopped myself from crying at least 100 times. :) So congrats my lovely sister for popping the little guy out!

My week at work was mainly uneventful besides calling my mom all day on Wed. to check up with Jen, and the weekend had come so quickly. Tim is now back to having Sat. and Sun. off with me which means two things: 1. I am happy again and 2. We will travel. This weekend we went to Wekiwa Springs Park. And we decided that we should do a 1.9 mile hike to a place called Sand Lake, with a five month old (Riley). When we finally reached this "Lake" it was more like a pond. We thought we would be able to swim. No. It had alligators. I will post the pic's of this tiny place and our exhausted dog later. Did I mention the dog was foaming at the mouth because we hiked in the middle of a Florida afternoon in August? Not, quiiiiittte smart, however, my amazing husband did pack water, so we were at least mostly hydrated for our total 4 mile hike.
P.S. I have several mosquito bites the size of softballs (Tim had zero).

So, next weekend, we will do another adventure, maybe to a more dog-friendly place where we can let the poor canine off the leash, I keep you updated on our new adventures. All, in all, the weekend was good and now I'm tired, and I start the week over.

Dear Lord,
I know you are always with me, but let me feel the power of your presence to comfort me when I feel like I can't keep going!

My day in court

2009-08-04T16:15:00.000-07:00

So, in my job I occasionally have to go to court. Most days in court are boring. Judge asks me questions, attorneys are asking me questions because they cannot remember the cases, parents are trying to look better than they are, their attorneys are trying to make them look better than they are, and then we all go home. Occasionally though, some parents will ask for a trial as they deny all allegations against them. And that is where all the action happens... ALL of the action, I mean people will go straight Jerry Springer during trials. So, anyway, I had a trial today, and the best part was that mother hired an attorney. Why is that important, you ask? Because most people who are in Dependency court qualify for court appointed attorneys, and they do a really good job. Plus, if the allegations are not true against you, the case will be dismissed based on evidence, not what type of attorney you have. My rule of thumb is, in Dependency, if the parent feels like they need to hire an attorney, they did something wrong.
So, today, we go to court. The State of Florida's attorney is Jill. Jill my kind of person, and by that I mean she is messed up and she knows it. Jill takes a smoke break every time she goes outside. Jill is getting married to make her fiance's rich family happy. She is letting her rich mother-in-law to be plan her wedding. She doesn't see the point in being married, she's in her fifties and already been married twice, but it doesn't make a difference to her, she's pretty laid back like that. When Jill goes up to ask questions she takes her time and reads over her notes. Sometimes her voice shakes when she talks, it makes me wonder if she still gets excited/nervous about being a lawyer. She makes me think she is like me, she probably replays arguments she gets into with people back in her head and thinks of different things to say after the fight.
The CPI is an awesome black lady, creole really, she's around my age. She is thorough, and her hair looks amazing, when I touched it without thinking she didn't slap me, she smiled, which makes me like her more.
The Judge is a female Judge. She has been known to hate DCF, she held one of my former co-workers in contempt of court once. She has been known to chew case managers up and spit them out. She is intimidating, but she smiled at me several times this morning, and that puts me a little at ease.
The mother's private attorney is annoying. He has a high pitch voice and has objected to every question Jill asked this morning. At one point, I thought the judge would just tell him to shut up already, she over-ruled most of his objections, but I mean, if he is getting paid $250 - $500/hr, I would hope he would put up at lead 100 objections no matter how stupid (and most of them were) they are.
The morning went very slow, we only got a few witnesses in, an although I could not get to speak, I had to sit there to be the client for the attorney... Long day..
Jill takes me and the CPI to lunch, you probably do not know how cool that is, but let me just tell you, that is cool. Most attorneys have nothing good to say to you, let alone talk to you outside of court. Jill bought me lunch, it was a business lunch, but in my opinion it counted. At lunch we went over the CPI's testimony. Jill fulfilled my life long dream, she asked me to be her unofficial co-counsel, to make sure she does not skip anything in the CPI's testimony, she says "I'm good". I am more than excited, this has made my day. I make an outline and some notes for myself, Jill likes them so much she takes them to the stand with her... we sit there the whole day and analyze the mother's attorney's witnesses and crack knowing smiles at each other. Mom has not been the best mother, at all. This type of thing has excited me, it had made me breath heavier and makes my fingers tingle, I am loving every second of making argument points and talking between the CPI and attorney. Hoping the Judge sees it as plainly as we are, but there will be no decision made today in regards to the case. Finally, court is dismissed until tomorrow and I am a case manager again, no more co-counsel... Ah, until the next time I get to go to trial...

On the Job...

2009-07-22T19:14:00.000-07:00

I was in a trailer park today looking for one of my children that has runaway. (Do not ask me about this case, I don't have anything good to say about it, yet) and as I was trying to locate a residence and talk to the people inside of it, a nice older man approaches me. The man is wearing a wife beater and shorts holding a cup with a "clear liquid" inside of the cup. The "clear liquid" certainly could have been water, but due to the man's lack of inhibitions and slurred speech, I believe it to be something else. The man walks up to me and proceeds to ask how he can help me (as if he the "the man" for the job) and then proceeds to hit on me, two of my favorite lines, as followed:

"Why are you not used to the heat, you are so hott!"...

me: (awkward) thanks... ( mother always said to say thank you whenever someone gives you a compliment)

"You know, if you asked me to marry you, even if I was blind, right now, I would say yes"

me: (awkward) Ok, thank you, I need to go, have a good day...

I. Love. My. Job...

Because I know you've been dying to know...

2009-07-18T18:39:00.000-07:00

I will give quick update of our fun summer and its not even half way over yet!

At the end of June, we went to Amelia Island, the highlight of the week for me was sitting around the camp (no camp fire at least for this trip:)) and eating as we go on the many grilles! My sisters, Jen and Emily, did an amazing job of food prep, you girls are awesome, us Turners and Bounds' know how work as a team when it comes to preparing and eating food!

This is my niece, Savannah, I feel sorry for my kids, cause I don't know if they will be as cute as her, honestly!! haha! She's a firecracker of a child, such great personality, knows how to pose for a camera, and calls me LaLa, love her!!

Then comes fourth of July and celebrating our independence. Tim and I joined our amazing LifeGroup at one of our friends house for a home-made fire works show. And yes, there were duds in the bunch, and yes they did explode almost less then ten feet away from where we were standing. This is me and Ginger's (one of my good friends in the LifeGroup) reenactment of what we looked like after the explosion in our faces...

Finally, a couple of weeks ago (maybe two? they are running together so far) Tim called me and told me about some ducks that had been run over by a car. Only one survived, and we owned it for about an hour before an animal place told us they would take the duck. I kind of wish we could have kept it, I like the idea of having a small farm of animals...

And for your entertainment viewing, this it Tim, the ONLY husband that would hold the roman candles as they were supposed to shoot FORWARD, except for the dud he had gotten that shot backward, AT. HIM. I choose my battles wisely, this was one for some reason I chose not to fight, probably because I did not want to get shot by a firecracker...

Puppy Love

2009-06-25T18:22:00.001-07:00

So, as it is with all new puppies, we are now having to weigh our options for obedience school. Our adoption place highly recommended so, and now that Riley is getting comfortable with using our apartment as his own personal chew toy, obedience classes look like a good idea.

But the one thing that I am conflicted about, is the beauty that I find in this little guy, NOT being perfect. I kind of think its funny when he plays tug of war with me when he is on a leash and I am taking him for a walk. I like it that he is the only dog at the obedience intro class that barked and whined the entire time because he wanted to play with the other dogs. I just love his little rebelousness, I find it endearing. So, we probably will do obedience school for the dog, but part of me hopes he won't stay obedient all the time...

When two people love each other very much...

2009-06-11T19:21:00.001-07:00

And want to start a family, but can't because they want to wait to get a house and can't get a house because they have heinous amounts of college loan debt... They GET A DOG!!!

This is Tim, making sure that the cage we bought for the dog is not too big, and yes he did go all the way inside to check...

The adoption place calls him Mookie, but we will probably rename him, probably with something to do with aviation, because that is how we roll here.

If you have any name suggestions, we are open!!

He already knows to smile for the camera!!

I know he looks bewildered here, but he had a long day, and he is still shocked from leaving his home. And yes, I know he is not a dachshund or a beagle, please try to forgive us for stepping out! But we love him and you should come down to see him, with your puppy (ies)!!

A Brilliant Weekend

2009-05-25T14:34:00.000-07:00

You might be wondering why I labeled this weekend a "brilliant" one since we (and that I mean, the state of Florida) rained, in fact it rained so much, we have had record breaking rain without need of a Hurricane. Terrific! However, I believe it was a brilliant weekend for the following:

1. We got to spend Saturday, first shopping with my sister, which I bought three pairs of shoes, and then I got to share with my wonderful sister one of my favorite stores. I was delighted to find that no only did she like the store, she loved it, so I get to share some shopping love with my sister.

If you could just ignore my facial expression, the outfit my sister is wearing is one she bought, I love it, but much more, I love her and shopping with her!

2. We then went to Lake Eola which I rarely get to do, especially with my husband and others. It was fun, and we saw probably the biggest swan, EVER. I almost wish Savannah would have been here to look at the Quack Quack, but I think she would have freaked. When this swan "honked" it sounded like a fog horn, no lie.

As you can see, it was probably the size of a 3-5yr old? Well, anyway, it was large, and I kind of felt sorry for it, due to there being no other large swan playmates for it.

I was not going to volunteer to be the swan's playmate... just photographer.

3. We did the Great Date Experiment with Jennifer and Joey, they blogged about it very much more in detail, so I will let you read my sister's blog to get the full experience.

4. My final point, but maybe my most "brilliant" point of the weekend, was Sunday school. I have an amazing teacher who loves the Lord, and might be related to us somehow because he cries when he starts to talk about what the Lord has done in his life, and if anyone comes to the Bounds/Turner Christmas Eve party, there is some cryin going on in "share time." But I digress, so we were talking... well, let me rephrase that, here is what I got out of the lesson, because I stopped listening to the teacher at one point, due to God starting to talk to me at another. We read a piece of scripture where the Lord is talking to Moses, and Moses says, "Who shall I say sent me?" And the Lord replied, "I AM that I AM sent you." And I mean, I've grown up in church and for some reason, that phrase stuck with me, this Sunday. And I think it is because I get now how much that really means. God is an exsisting state of EVERYTHING, He is constantly, continually, forever it. I will give some examples (as a disclaimer, these are just some that came to my head, not all of them are exactly for me, they could be examples for you!)

Lord, I'm hurting right now I need a comforter! I AM your Comfort.
Lord, I'm broke and in need of finances, I need provision! I AM your Provider.
Lord, I am sick and I need healing! I AM your Healer.
Lord, I am discouraged, I need encouragement! I AM your Encourager.
Lord, I feel like a failure, I need you! I AM right here Always.

The list goes on, what aspect, what kind of God do you need??? He is perpetually everything you need constantly, He has literatlly never changed. God knew that Moses was going to present himself to a people that had been crying out to the Lord for 500 years or so. God was saying, he was there for them, He IS there for them, and He will always be there for them. When the people were crying out, Lord are You there? His answer through Moses was I AM.

I wish I could convey how deeply touched I was by the Lords message. Mainly because I feel like a failure a lot, and I wonder many times if he sees me struggling, plodding, falling down, wishing, dreaming, and praying my way through my faith (or unfaith at some moments, to be honest) And His answer came Sunday, not in a whisper but in a definate unshakable answer of: I DO see you, I AM Here. Just Brilliant.

Mike and Noelle's Wedding

2009-05-09T10:52:00.001-07:00

Wow, what a week! I am so excited for Mike and Noelle, they are now officially happily married and our wonderful group is completely married, which makes me happy to see us all start out and finish together. So, there are truly a million pictures of the wedding, unfortunately since I was in the wedding I forgot to get my camera to George and Mema so there are none of the ceremony. It was a great ceremony. Here are some pic's of before and after with some captions, below:

Here is a picture of where they got married, it is an old southern mansion (plantation??) call the Bragg-Mitchell. They were married on the steps, beautiful southern charm!

That's me and one of my good friends, Abby Zito, I miss her and it was so great to be a bridesmaid with her at the wedding.

The man and woman of honor, practicing their vows, and looking oh so in love!!

My two best friends, I love these girls and miss them like crazy!!

She looked absolutely stunning, and was glowing, one of the most beautiful bride's I've seen!

Here we all are! We did it, we all dated and married, and are now looking forward to more adventures together in the future!!

I just wanted to share with you guys my wonderful week, I know most of you guys don't know Noelle and Jacque, but they are truly some of my closest friends and it was such a blessing to get to be a maid of honor in both of their weddings. And for those of you dying to know, I did not throw up during my speech, it went over well, but my hands did shake!!

This week!

2009-05-05T09:24:00.000-07:00

So, this week I will be traveling with Tim and one of Noelle's bridesmaids to Mobile, AL. Bachlorette Party was last weekend, and to those of you who know me well, I actually planned it (being the matron of honor) and it actually turned out amazing, even though in true LA style, I did not have a solid plan for the entire night, but I really had a good time and so the other girls reported they had a good time too, so I feel like I did well on my first "big-girl project." Now, today, we leave for Mobile. I'm so excited for Noelle, her and her fiance have been engaged for over a year and a half! I almost died being engaged for a year and a month.... I'm so excited for them and proud of what an amazing godly example they have been for others around them. Soooo... as the maid (matron) of honor, I will need to give a toast, I think. I had to give one at Jacque's and I didnt know I was supposed to until the day before the wedding. So, in case I have to, because I hate public speech, even if it is just a toast, pray that I don't throw up, and also for a safe trip and "flawless" wedding (we ALL know there is no such thing...)

Until I post pic's of New York

2009-04-27T17:15:00.000-07:00

I will talk about the following subject: 90's songs you sing really loud in the car, but might not if someone was with you. My song the other day was Um Bop from Hanson. I was in 7th grade, I believe, when it came out. Tell me what your song is, I'm hoping I'm not the only one out there who does it.

On the other note I went to the beach this weekend and had an amazing time at the ocean just staring at the water and talking with God. He is good and I praise His name.

Timothy James Harper

2009-04-11T06:59:00.000-07:00

So, last night at what exact time I do not know, my trooper of a mother-in-law finished 36hrs of back pain that produced the wonderful son, true friend, and awesome husband known as Timothy J. Harper. For your viewing pleasure, I leave you some pictures of him!

He has had the pug nose from birth!

Some of you might not know, but Tim can drive a model T. Here he is in his first one with his grandfather.

This is Tim at his sister's graduation party, great picture!

Here with one of my set's of grandparents.

This is from the honeymoon, when we both were tan and skinny!

Ok, I hope you enjoyed the pics. Tim is an awesome husband and I am grateful for everyday I'm with him, so if you happen to have some time today, fam, call and wish him a happy birthday! (after 3pm)

My Teal Sweat Pants

2009-04-09T18:01:00.000-07:00

I will post a picture of my pants later when I have one... But as I was just doing laundry I pulled them out to fold and I was just thinking how insanely ugly they are but oh so comfy. Does any one have an article of clothing that they know is heinous but they wear it anyway due to comfort or just shear love because of it's ugliness???

Preggers!!!! All around...

2009-04-06T13:39:00.000-07:00

Jennifer- Jan '09
Lisa - Mar '09
Beth- Mar?? '09
Melanie- April '09

These are all the people, and there could be more, I just might be forgetting (that's not unusual) who have gotten pregnant this year. The are all around me, and although I am jealous (major!!) I am super happy for them, but pray that it does not become airborne!!

Florida???

2009-04-02T14:39:00.001-07:00

So, as I try to get home today without having more than five people cut in front of me in traffic and then SLAM on their breaks, I wonder, why is Florida such a degenerative state? I mean, seriously, everyone who comes here wonders how you stay alive on the roads, and the people??? I've found some nice non-crazies, but seriously? What is with all the drama? And then the criminals... First there is this girl and then the boys below!

Video: Robber tries to ram his way into home

Posted using ShareThis

I mean, I could go on, but then this "post" would turn into a "rant" so I will say, probably most people their particular state is crazy, but I am starting to believe Florida has a breed of its own.

Thoughts about my weekend

2009-03-29T11:17:00.000-07:00

So, this weekend I wanted to try finding something trendy and cheap at Forever21. Can someone please tell me how to shop there? Not only is the place MASSIVE, but I can never find clothes there that fit me just right. They are either too loose, which makes the tops low cut, or waaaaaay too tight. For me, paying an extra amount of money for to go to a store that has a limited set of options that fits well is something I call an "investment."

Second thing, we saw Mosters vs Aliens this weekend. I highly recommend it. It was too funny!!

Third thing, and I will end the post on a more poignant note. Tim is ending out his six week shift where he works on Sundays, so I only have two more "single" Sundays left! Point being I got complemented today on how someone thought that it was so great that I went to church even though it is definitely a little harder without Tim. And the first thought that came to my mind was, "My mom would kill me if I didn't have a good excuse for not going to church." Now, I know I am a grown adult and I make my own decisions, and my mother would not somehow punish me if she found out I did not go to church for a period of six weeks, she respects that I am a grown woman and can make decisions. But what I think that says is that, values have been ingrained in me by tireless efforts from wonderful parents. God uses your voices even now to speak to me. And to close, I am glad that I got up and went to church today without my mom's voice telling me to do so, but I thank God for any of the reinforcement in my life that gets me there!

So much Pressure for a first Post... Geeze..

2009-03-27T18:26:00.000-07:00

So, I made it on April and Amy's top three for wanting a blog, didn't make THE top spots... but nevertheless I'm up there. So for my first post I put Tim and I's picture up because if you know me, you know Tim, we come as a package. Not much is going on, this is probably the worst time to post something because I have no original subject matter currently. However, I will leave you with these thoughts:

1. I am taking the Crown Financial bible study and Chris Adams and his wife are on it, and I feel like he could be the most famous person I know right now...

2. I made made mom's spaghetti for Tim's grandparents, it was so good having them over, and they thought I was a cooking pro.

3. I am very frustrated right now because I cannot find anything to wear to New York in my closet and I know my family will upstage me anyway!:)

4. I feel like I am an extremely blessed and fortunate person and I want to give Christ all the glory and honor for that.

k, hope you liked it, I will have more things to say later!