Monday, February 21, 2011

May or May not...

For those of you reading this, I am participating in my friend Emily's blog where you can post a link on her blog to your blog... Its kind of like a fun game. All this to say, for family, this is not like a life-changing blog:)

So I may or may not cry a lot more than usual these days. I can't help it. When I hear a heart felt story on the news about a war hero (pick a war, any war, if they are a vet, I'm all for them:)) or football (yes, football makes me cry) I'm ballin. I just watched an episode of Off the Map on hulu and I teared up. I cry when you talk about babies, I cry when you talk about missing your family. I cry about anything. And not like pity party cry, just... its like I have extra emotion and crying is the way it gets out. I don't know. I'm not really proud of this fact. Its actually kind of embarrassing. I'm in church and the pastor is playing a story about a football team and I'm just ballin like a baby and I can't stop! Here's to a time in my life when I can't stop laughin, but until then, if you see me shed some tears, have no fear, its just me lettin out a bit of extra emotion:)

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Bible Stories

Have I ever told you that I am amazing at Bible trivia?? I mean, this is not something that I am bragging about, this is just a fact about me. I love all the cool things that are in the Bible. I love that God made a donkey talk to a rouge prophet in the old testament. I love how Elijah never died, he just went on up to Heaven in a chariot of fire... I mean, basically since I can remember I have been in Sunday school, every kind of Vacation Bible School, Bible Drill, Wednesday night Bible study... You name it, if the doors were open at the church, best be assured that my mother and father had me and my brothers and sister there to learn something (or maybe just to get out of their hair... duel purposes, right?) I also home- schooled for a few short years, and I watched my school on video. My Bible teacher was Mr. Bowman. I'm definitely sure I will see him in Heaven one day, because He taught me A LOT about the Bible, and I will need to thank him, he did such a good job, even on video:) I love all Bible stories, and I love re-learning them as an adult, because as a child, the wonder of hearing about Jonah in the Whale makes you worship at such a wonderful God that can work out those miracles. But as an adult, realizing that I tend to act like Jonah a lot, and worshiping at the miracle that God would still use me is so Beautiful.

All this to say that through the past year into this year, I have two Bible stories that I am really in love with. The first story is about the twelve spies of Israel who were supposed to go into the land of Canaan and give a report back to Israel of what they saw. You can read the whole story in Numbers 13. Basically, the premise is: God has given the Israelites the land of Canaan. It is their Promised Land. God tells the Israelites to gather some men from the tribes to go and check out all the awesomeness He has waiting for the Israelites just across the Jordan. Twelve spies go out, and they do see all the awesomeness, but they also see big giants and fortified cities that look impossible to defeat. Long story short, 10 of the spies say Israel should go and RE-SUBMIT themselves to slavery in Egypt. While only two spies trust God enough that He is going to hand this Promised Land to the Israelites on a silver platter. Needless to say, Israel sided with the 10 spies, and almost mutinied to over-throw Moses and go back to Egypt.

Why do I identify SO much with the Israelites? I don't want to, I wish I was like Joshua and Caleb and I just trust God. The Israelites operated out of fear 9 out of 10 times in the Old Testament. I mean, let me remind you that God was literally with the Israelites leading them as a cloud by day and a pillar of FIRE by night. They knew God. They walked on dry ground as they crossed the Dead Sea, and they SAW God part the waters. They saw God basically demolish Egypt (THE superpower of its time) with 12 plagues, and yet once again they doubt that God could come through for them again. They feared death in war, they feared they would be enslaved to these pagan peoples, even though God PROMISED the land to them. Their fear swallowed their faith in the most High. So, because of that, they did not get to step one foot into the Most awesome and fertile land. They spent the rest of their lives wandering a desert of dry lifelessness and wastelands, which I sure God designed to let them know that, that is what their hearts must have looked liked.

Is that what my heart looks like? Do I turn to fear instead of faith when my life is called into action by God? How many deserts have I actually chose to wander instead of take faith and travel to the Promised Land?

Once again, I am afraid of the answers to those questions.

Life was easier in the desert. It says in the Bible that the Israelites shoes or clothing were never worn in. They were personally fed by God manna and quail. But, all but two Israelites died of pointlessly wandering through this life. Walking zombies? They never fulfilled their true callings nor were they ever privy to see God in a way they did back in the days of Egypt. They just wandered till their death.

Lord, will I wander till I die? Will I ever defeat the constant fear that pulls me in my life? Will I die a walking zombie, never truly knowing my calling in this life?

The questions are ever in my mind...

There is good news though. Its another favorite Bible story of mine. Its in Joshua six. Its when the old generation of zombies dies. And the new generation is closer to God as ever, not wanting to die in the desert, they trust God and desire to take their Promised Land that they Trust the Lord has given them. Can you feel the excitement as they march around Jericho? Can you feel their hearts racing as they know this is the start of a new life for them? Even now I tear up as I think about being their the moment that the Lord commands them to shout for victory... even BEFORE the walls fell. Joshua and those Israelites witnessed first hand the Lord completely demolish a city. Not one Israelite died, but all in Jericho were destroyed (accept for Rahab and her family). The Israelites did not defeat the city by shouting, the only reason for the shouting was to PRAISE the Lord for the victory, because they Trusted and had Faith they He would deliver that city. And then, first hand, they SAW the Lord give them that city.

Oh how my heart desires to live that life. To trust instead of turn away. To find faith instead of fear. To live free instead of enslaving myself. God only knows how much I need Jericho. God only knows how much it means to me to have such a redemptive story.

And one day, He will wipe my tears away as I step into my Jericho and walk the land He has Promised me. That will be my story, and my song, Praising my Savior all the Day long...

Friday, February 4, 2011

Just Catching Up

So, I decided that I was going to update this sucker, mostly because it kind of bothers me thinking that I have this blog out there that is highly out-dated. I just read my cousin Amy's blog and she stated she would not comment on how long it has been since she has blogged, she is a better person than me. The reason why I have not blogged since September 2010...

I did not feel like it.

Things happened, so its not like my life has been so boring that there is nothing to write about, I just have not really been in the mood. And blogger kind of freaked out on me and my background went all whack... and I am not an expert at this stuff, but my friend Jacque just told me the other day that she updated her blog, and I thought...

Good idea!

So here we go. In November of 2010 I quit my job at Devereux on the 19th, which was one of the hardest things I have done in my life, not that I loved the job too terribly, but I loved my co-workers and many of the families that I was working with. But Tim and I really felt that God was calling me to leave the work force, and so I did. On Nov. 20th, Tim and I left for a Holiday extravaganza as we spent Thanksgiving with the Fam in New Hampshire. In 9 days we happened to visit three states (New Hampshire, New Jersey, and New York)We got to see the inside of Tim's sister's new home, which is gorgeous and she even cooked us a small feast while we were there to visit. We also visited with Tim's grandparents in New Jersey as we were able to assist in helping them with a mammoth yard sale as they prepare to move from their residence they have lived in for 30 years. We did take pic's but they are on Tim's phone, I am so awful at this! Thinking that we put the coldest weather behind us after leaving New Hampshire, we then sojourned to GA this year for Christmas (no surprises like the awesome one we did last year) It was in GA, that for the first time in like forever, that we had a White Christmas. And I don't mean like snow that falls then melts on the ground, no, it looked beautiful blanketing the ground, the trees, and houses. As beautiful as snow is, it does not fool me. It is cold and wet, so I did not play in it, but Tim and the boys did. I think we have pic's but once again, on Tim's phone:( I also found out that we would be adding another beautiful baby girl to our family as my brother and sister (in-law) announced that they were going to be having a girl in May.... YEAH!!!!! I can't wait so see that little thing wrap my big bro around her little finger. It was good seeing family and I surely enjoyed being with them on Christmas.

New Years was amazing as my friends Jacque and Noelle came to visit with their husbands, so much fun when your friends literally marry your husbands friends. So the madness of the New Years weekend ensued. Basically, we went to a Japanese steakhouse then came home and danced in the street as our neighbors shot off fireworks over the lake we live near... So surreal and fun.

This first pic is just a good one of me and Tim:)

This second one would be of me and my girls;)

Sadly all my friends had to leave shortly after New Years to resume their normal lives, as did Tim and I... But wait, I don't work! What do I do now???

There is no way to simply answer that question, because the point of me quitting was not to fill in those 40 hours a week with more work. That would get us right back to where we started. When I am not horribly under the weather like I am right now, I try to exercise at least three times a week. I plan meals and grocery shop, clean my house, hang out with Tim and do fun things that I am hoping enrich our marriage... I read a lot, so if you have any good book suggestions (preferably a book I could get at the library or borrow from you!) I'm up for it, for now I have been raiding my friend Emily's books collection which is quite expansive and I am happy that she is willing to put books out on loan for me! I clean a lot, having a dog that sheds like there is no tomorrow. And out house is always open for guests and so far we've had a pretty good flux of visitors and that makes me super happy cause I love to host down here in O-town... Oh yeah, and I volunteer at the church, which is super exciting as I have been longing to do that for quite some time, but did not have the actual time to do so.

This blog was long and no very funny or whitty like I normally have with not many pic's. So I apologize it it not quite up to snuff, but I can promise that I will update more and have more fun or insightful things to read.

Love you all!!