Tuesday, December 16, 2014

This Season

Merry Christmas Y'all! I love this time of year, kind of. I really do, I love seeing how you have dressed your children in the cutest Christmas outfits, that match. I love seeing the cookies you are making with your children and your mantles that you have decorated with Christmas words, like JOY and PEACE, my mantle says NOEL, partly because it is such a pretty word to me, and partly because it reminds me of a wonderful friend:)

But the Christmas season is not what I wanted to talk to you about.

And I want to be very careful in not making this about me being whiny, I mean, it is my blog, so it will be about me, but hopefully the tone will not be whiny. I was tempted to whine, but then I thought, we dont need a whine post (a wine post, maybe?) We need an encouragement post. So, here's what I'm going to do, I'm going to tell you about my Season I'm in, and then I will encourage you, I promise!

I just realized I'm in a TIRED season tonight. Physically, yes, kinda, but it's mostly one of those mental, spiritual, emotional tired seasons. Like when your in the middle of a (ok, lets be honest, I've only ever run a 5K, but you put your race here___) and I realized I've given a lot and I've only reached the 1/4 of the race mark... That kind of tired. Like, 'THEY ARE ONLY CHILDREN AND I HAVE SO MANY MORE YEARS AHEAD OF ME" tired, and "I CANT BELIEVE WE WANT TO HAVE A THIRD CHILD AND I WILL BE HERE ALL OVER AGAIN ONE DAY" tired. Like when Karis has a complete meltdown in the middle of my grandfather's singing performance, and I have to get up and leave an everyone is staring, and her angel of a cousin ( who is ONLY 4 mos older) is sitting next to her, perfectly content) This is after I feel so proud about how well she has been doing and how far we've come with her, obviously NOT FAR ENOUGH? Like when K's automatic answer is "NO" to everything. Like when she looks at me and says she wants to sleep in my bed, let me be clear, that's not sweet, that is her little mind working in ways to get out of going to bed. Like Autumn is crying all the time, she has FOUR upper teeth coming in and she is crying all the time, and wants to be held, all the time. Like my house is not as clean as I would like it, Ever. Like I fall behind on planning meals for our family and feel like I'm scrambling, all the time.

I mean, this list could go on people.

I honestly write this, because I have gotten compliments from people (lets be honest two people) on various aspects of my life, and while anyone always appreciates a kind word, I don't want to put on airs, I am not doing too well, friends! Or at least, it doesn't feel like I'm doing too well. It feels like, if this were a baseball game, they would need to call in the relief pitcher. However, there is no relief pitcher in life. Its just me and you, being moms all the time.

And here's where I'm gonna encourage you;

Thank God it's Christmas time! Jesus has come. He does come to give us clarity, not just moments, but pure unadulterated clarity when we are focused on Him! Jesus does give me peace in the midst of the crazy, when I chose to look to Him. And when I've failed (all the time) and I want to just throw up my hands and give up, I feel His Grace. And if I can't feel it, I specifically named my oldest as an Ebeneezer that I will always remember it. His Grace doesn't give a second chance, His Grace keeps you going. God doesn't give second chances, I believe He gives rebirth. A complete new start, new life. And it all started with a baby.

So maybe you are feeling encouraged cause you're like, well things may be bad, but at least I am not as messed up as LA! Wonderful. And maybe you are encouraged because Jesus didn't come to just be a beautiful baby boy resting in a trough. He came to become our Peace in troubled time, our Hope when there is no relief in sight. And our Grace, when we feel like we've messed up too many times. That is where I hope you find the real encouragement!

Merry Christmas, y'all, I love you!