I'm learning so much from being a mom. It's not because I'm a great mom, it's because Karis is teaching me so much, really it's the Lord who is showing me so much about who we really are, through an 8 mo old child. Karis and I, are not that much different, at least in spirit. See, she's trying to crawl right now. It is so stinkin funny. I mean, we probably have the wrong floors for a child trying to learn to crawl, she should be on the rug, but it is almost a shag rug, which provides little traction, and then if she rolls off of that, she's on tile or wood flooring. Once again, no traction. I'm hopeful she'll learn to crawl while were at the beach in a condo with some good carpet... We'll see:).
But here's the thing I have noticed about Karis, she can crawl backwards, very easily. She can back herself up all the way across the room. Even when she was in her walker at her Nana's house, the first thing she learned to do is to push herself backwards. I'm no physical therapist (however, funnily enough, my brother is:)) But it seems that backwards is easier because it requires less muscle. I mean, for Karis to go forward crawling, she would have to learn how to get her hips under her, which would put more weight on her little shoulders and arms. All requiring a lot more energy, and strength. She'll need to build up her stamina. Right now, all she has to do is push back on her arms, and steer with her legs. I even saw her maneuver herself backwards to get to a toy this morning! But the drawl to go forward is very frustrating and she will get to her wits end and just cry.
But aren't we all there?
I mean, it is a lot easier to revert to "backwards" ways right? It's easier to judge you before I meet you, so I don't have to get to know you. It's easier to lie than to face the truth. It's easier to stay "18 and carefree" for the rest of your life, than move forward and begin a life all of your own. I know it is. God knows it is. He's there for my every other days when I just cry. He listens when I scream, "It's too hard and I don't want to do it!!"
And He compels me to move forward. Why? Because while moving forward is the hardest thing you will ever do (just ask Karis). It really is the best thing for our lives. We must move forward to build, to create, to heal, we must move forward to GROW.
When Karis starts to get frustrated I am tempted to step in and pick her up. But one day as I was contemplating it, I heard a clear voice from the Lord, "Get out of her way." God is the ultimate parent. And as I am so tempted just to give everything to Karis and not have her go through frustration and hardship, I must get out of the way. Have you ever asked God to intervene in a situation, and the prayers feel like they bounce off the sealing? I mean, you are looking up at the Heavens, you are screaming, begging, dealing, pleading for some kind of help. And you get radio silence...God is the ultimate parent, He's still parenting you. It means it's time for you to move forward. To learn how to get those legs under you and GROW.
He's there, He's watching you. But just like I know that Karis is just one correct hip placement away from getting those legs in the right place and strengthening those arms to hold the new weight that is going to be put on them. Now, I know for certain, that God sees us! He is fully aware of our capabilities, He is watching us, waiting for our spirits to strengthen because of the new weight we will carry.
Because GROWING equals freedom. Yes it is hard, and it requires more strength. But Karis will be able to have her reign of the house. If she sees me go to another room, she will be able to follow me, instead of me carry her. She will have FREEDOM (I am so scared!!:))
If I, a sinful human, want so much for my little girl. How much more freedom does God want from you? Karis doesn't know what awaits her when she can crawl. I do. You don't know what your future of freedom holds. God does. If He is not intervening, Trust He is always watching and waiting for you to grow.
Karis could crawl backwards her whole life, I mean, she could manage to get around going backwards. I have lived a long time in life, managing to function "backwards." But while forwards movement brought me out of my comfort zone, staring right in the eye of my worst fears of failure and rejection, and cost a lot of tears. I have found freedom in Jesus Christ.
Will you grow this year? Will you find freedom? Will you trust that God is there always watching you, and He knows your capabilities?
Me and Karis, It's kind of like we are growing up together.:)
Love you all,