Well, it turns out that as much as I love blogging, I love doing nothing more during naptime. However, this week is so important, in fact, I just realized I love the coming up holiday more than my birthday. It's mother's day! Mother's Day, y'all! The day where our husband, and one day (one day...) children, and all those around us, stop ignoring that fact that the house does IN FACT not clean itself, there is no laundry fairy, food does not purchase itself and find a comfortable organized place on a shelf, freezer or refrigerator, or my personal favorite (I mean, there are SO MANY fun chores to choose from!!!) The bathrooms DO NOT GET SPARKLY WHITE ALL BY THEMSELVES. No, moms do that. And on top of that, they kiss boo boo's, like all the time, at least in the Harper house they do, they discipline, we sing songs, and learn our ABC's, and 123's, I have some amazing friends that teach their kids the real names of dinosaurs, and all the continents. I don't do that, but certainly we can identify almost all of the animals at the zoo... so... I'm going off on a tangent. What I mean to write about is Mother's day is so important to me, and celebrating you as the awesome, loving, amazing mother's you are and ALL YOU DO is important, because at one point in my life, this whole thing was never in the picture.
At about the ages between 18-20, I was a young lady, transitioning into the world of adulthood, and while I knew I did not know everything, I was certain of a few things. I wanted my life to count for something, something BIG, and I never wanted to have kids. EVER. And this is going to be very gritty and honest, I knew I wasn't fit to be a parent. I was the most insecure, selfish,and unorganized person that I knew. But I had lots of ambitions. I wanted to be somebody and completely self sufficient. At first, that looked like me starting my own business and being my own boss, but then I realized I wasn't good with numbers (or anything that had to do with running a business) so I went in other directions, still holding on to the fact that I shouldn't be a mother. Why? I made too many mistakes to have to fess up to a kid, I didn't want to be responsible for raising someone to be responsible,
I felt I wasn't a good enough human to raise another human.
And, I think I would say that, that's pretty self- aware for an 18 year old.
Thank the Lord we grow, and we change, and we grow and we change. Constantly, all the time! We learn to ask for forgiveness, to forgive ourselves, we learn that just knowing that we are selfish doesn't make us a better person, we must actively ask the our Father (who is the giver of all good things) to give us more Grace to make this life about Him. We give up false dreams, that are attached to lies, so we can start planting seeds of real dreams, that are attached to the Giver of Life.
And that is what HE did. He saved me, He raised me, and then He gave me the dream of Motherhood. Oh, the beautiful promised blessing of motherhood.
And of course, like a human, I decided to barter with God.... "Oh God, give me a thousand children, and make them ALL BOYS!! I can wrestle, play spies, and watch sports with the best of them. But girls, oh Lord, please, no girls. You know what is best, You know that my plan is still best. Amen."
I don't know if that is the exact prayer, but it felt like that.
On September 29th, 2011, God had a different plan, and it changed my world. Again, on September 17th, 2013, He changed my plans again. For the better. Forever.
Having children, especially girls, has never messed or hindered my dreams that lie outside of having a family with Tim. They have only enhanced them. Having my girls has challenged me more than ever to be a woman that they can look up to. That they can know growing up that being a mother is amazing, and all things wonderful, and that they can CO-EXIST with other dreams as well. Being a mother is beautiful and wonderful. One of my friends calls it her vocation, I LOVE that! It is a vocation, but I have other callings too, and they are planted in the river of life. I trust the Lord with my beautiful dreams, I trust Him that He will guide me in the path that best leads to me fulfilling these dreams, and raising strong, God- loving, Kingdom builders.
That is my heart on mother's day. To be a mother who loves being a mother, that I was given a direct calling from the Lord to be a mother. To be a mother who inspires and challenges her children to love and follow the Lord, through my life.
Just finding the nugget of Truth that motherhood was not the end of all dreams, but just the beginning makes me excited for what God has for me, Tim, and the girls for the future.
Happy Mother's Day, y'all. God bless you in your motherhood journey!