Thursday, April 3, 2014

Pulling up to the Teacher's desk

I'm going to start this post out with retelling a story of a significant event that happened in my life in college that I do not think I have ever told anyone. So, fittingly, I am now telling the world. And then, how God used the Thursday night bible study that I'm in to reaffirm His word for me. But let's go all the way back to my Senior year in college.

As a part of the process of graduating, I had to take an internship, and over the course of the internship, had to pick three supervising professors to tell me what they wanted me to learn about my internship, write a paper about it, and do an oral presentation on my findings. The paper would be reviewed and graded by all the professors, same as the presentation. I had to meet with each professor individually throughout the course of my internship and speak with them on my goals post-college, and tell them of my experiences during my internship. I had to pick a professor I whose class I took and I had to pick a professor I did not take a class with. The one I picked who I knew, was a professor that I had taken at least one of his classes each semester over the course of two years. He was an old, agnostic Jewish professor who was extremely intellectual, and who I had thoroughly enjoyed sparring (read: arguing) with over the course of the past two years. I had come to respect him, and studied really hard in his classes to make A's because I wanted him to know I valued his class and his lectures.

So, I go in for our first meeting, and he asks me what my plans for the future were, and I kind of spit ball my kind of my plans (I had no idea what or how I was going to do anything, since I knew I was going to be moving to Florida shortly after graduation). He sat there and listened, and then just looked me straight in the eye, and said, that I was an incredibly smart woman, with lots to offer, and that I was wasting my talents by setting my bar too low. That I was going to do great things. This man, that we basically had nothing in common, at least culturally, religiously, I mean I guess we were both voting republican at the time, but for incredibly different reasons. He could have just nodded his head and dismissed me. He didn't have to say much to me at all, He didn't even have to waste his time giving me advice. This man who I had argued ( I mean "sparred") with on a regular basis, told me I had talents! And that I was going to do great things! I left that meeting feeling totally confused, deeply humbled and gracious of his compliments, but mostly just feeling lost. How could this person who knew me so little, say I have these great talents, that I'm wasting, currently, and that I was going to do great things? His words have haunted me for almost ten years now.

As I sat in my car one day, thinking about what my professor told me, thinking about my life right now. Getting down on myself, because I had felt like I had wasted my talents. Driving around, running errands, wiping little girls booties (all. day. long), I wonder if my professor would approve of my use or not use of my talents. And what exactly those talents are? It was in my car as I was thinking of the haunting words my professor gave me, that the Lord gently whispered to me, "Why?"

I'm sorry Lord, why, what?

"Why do you keep thinking about this man, and the words that he said to you, over and over, and yet I AM so much greater than him, I know you even better than him, and have spoken SO many things over you, and yet, you don't think about my words over you than his? Why does he get preference over me?"

Oh Lord, I'm so sorry. Oh Lord, please forgive me!

That happened earlier on Thursday, then Thursday night at my girls bible study it was reiterated through the words of the leader, Jackie. She likened it to if you were really passionate about golf, and THE GREATEST person in golf came up to you and spoke things to you, you would listen and you would value those words. But I don't know anything about golf, so when someone talks to me about this "great person" in golf, I kind of nod off and just smile. Sometimes we do that with God, we just nod and smile at Him like we have no idea who He is or what He's talking about. And then she said, "Think of the greatest person in whatever you are passionate about, God is even greater than that person, listen to what He has to say!" And instantly, I'm transported to my conversation with the Lord in my car about my professor.

What a sweet confirmation. That I need to be pulling my chair up to the Lord's desk. To sit there, and maybe tell Him my plans, my thoughts, my desires, my fears, my failures.But more importantly, listen to Him. He has already told me in His Word He has given me promises, He has given me talents, that He knows my future. I need to pull my seat up to His desk and look  in His eyes, and hear what He has to say. He is the greatest, He has the words, no one else.

Have you pulled your seat up to His desk? Will you join me?

Love y'all,