Wednesday, December 7, 2011

What Matters Most...

Many of you may not know this, and maybe some do, but... I'm a people pleaser... scratch that, a recovering people pleaser. I've been working on it for quite some time now because for some reason I can't please EVERYONE in the whole world. I just can't do it. So, what I've done to cope is pick a couple of people that I want to please more than others, mostly family and close friends, and then and only then, I give myself permission to not please them all the time either. I'll let you know how this turns out...

So, is it a big surprise to anyone that I really really really want my daughter to like me???? Kind of weird right? I mean, she's literally a baby. She's two months old, cries, poops, eats and sleeps. Most times in that order. But I mean, she can smile now, and there is just something about when a baby smiles at you, and then there's even more something about when your daughter smiles at you. But anyway, I digress. All this to say, I have been struggling with what to do when she cries. There are two theories of thought when a baby cries: one being, do not rush to them, let them cry it out for a bit, you don't want to spoil them. The other being: children are so small (remember, we are talking about a 2 month old here) you can not spoil them this tiny, pick the child up and figure out why they are crying and comfort them.

I have been struggling with this because, there have been people in my life, who I love and respect that have warned me not to spoil Karis and not to rush to her every time she cries. And I respected that advise, and I have tried not to rush to her. And I tried for like a day to have her put herself to sleep and it all just... did not sit right with me. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I kept thinking, "Well, you don't want to spoil her... But she's a baby?!? If she cries and I don't come and see what's wrong, how will she know to trust me, that I'm going to be there for her?" And the argument would go back and forth in my mind... So what does a person do when they need lots of opinions on a very controversial issue? I went to the internet to a baby forum. And there are lots of traditional and non-traditional people trashing each other's baby-raising techniques, which you should never do, unless you know a person abusing their child, then, you should get help for the kids... But anyway, one person put up some really freeing advise for me which basically said: Your child will grow up one day and soon enough will be so independent that they will put themselves to sleep and not need you for that, so cherish the time you have with the child...

So freeing, I say that with a sigh of relief. Because, and you might not know this, my love language is touch. I LOVE holding Karis, I love rocking Karis, I love watching her fall asleep, I love picking her up, and tickling her toes and kissing those darn cute pudgy cheeks! I love all of it. Even when she's crying/whaling in my face, I love it. Admittedly accept when I'm tired, but I'm working on it:). So, I guess you could say I want to spoil my daughter. I want to rock her, and pick her up when she cries, and I want her to know that her mommy will be there for her, even if I can't do a thing to help her, I'll rock her as she cries herself to sleep.

And I'll do it as often as I can cause one day, I'll be watching tv and she'll tell me goodnight and then go climb into bed and I won't have to do a thing. And I know that I won't be thinking, "Man, I am SO glad I taught her how to not need me at a young age." No, my personality is going to long for every second of this baby's life that I got to rock her and hold her, and sing (possibly off key) to her.

So today, Karis is tired and she's crying cause she can't do anything else, and I'm dancing to my Just Dance on the Wii. And I realize that she's not going to be working through this cry, so all hot and sweaty I pick my little peanut up and take her to the rocker and speak sweet nothings and prayers over her as she just cries to sleep. And then she closes her eyes... and she's at peace... and then she opens her eyes and smiles at me... and then I'm done. Maybe my daughter will be spoiled a bit longer than others, and maybe you disapprove of me picking her up all the time, but that's ok. I can't please everyone's opinions about what I should do as a mother.

Cause what really matters was looking into my daughters eyes and having her know that her momma will hold her even if I can't do a thing for her, i'll be the one to rock her as she goes:).

Look forward to telling you more of my silly learning mistakes and milestones as I go along!

5 comments:

  1. Amen momma! It's these times when you just have to do what you feel is right for you & Karis, not what anyone else thinks. Enjoy every minute of it :-)

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  2. I. Love. This. It is admittedly so NOT me, but I can relate. I am the mom that finds joy in their children's independence and confidence, and that means I also must learn to watch and listen and help them struggle through. And I believe God gave me the two children He did knowing this fact. For their good and mine.

    Knowing that you are the mom who needs to comfort and be there every second means you have a child that must need that right now. And the best part is, that God isn't done working on either one of us, so if at some point in our kids' lives they need us to be different, God will work in us and change us to be different.

    I hope you feel I never judged. I always think the mom should do what's best for them and what's best for their child and how God leads all at the same time. Bottom line: I needed to sleep, so my kids needed to learn to sleep, so that I could be the best mom I could be each morning. Bottom line for you: You need to Karis to know you are there, and God will give you the strength you need to make it through with no sleep.

    Everyone is different and their walk is individual. I love your heart, and I love you=)

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  3. Ditto on Jennifer's comment...you're doing a GREAT job figuring out works best for you and Karis!

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  4. Karis is SOOOOOOOo lucky to have you and all the loving you are giving her. Don't worry about what folks think and what they do. Girl, Joshua slept in his car seat or on my chest anytime he needed to and when he woke up in the middle of the night I was there to comfort him back to sleep - i broke all the baby wise rules but as you see - the little man is doing great and I still love love love holding and dancing with my little man. Love ya girl - you are an AweSOME momma!!!

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  5. Amazing what God shows us through our children. I agree with all the above. You must do what God shows you to do. You were my child that WANTED to be held...go figure. When you were sick we would just lay on the couch together and watch cartoons because that is what YOU needed. The others needed other things. Did you turn out a little spoiled....maybe....but do I cherish those memories of laying on the couch with you when you were little...you bet. So proud of you and love you very much.

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