I'm learning so much from being a mom. It's not because I'm a great mom, it's because Karis is teaching me so much, really it's the Lord who is showing me so much about who we really are, through an 8 mo old child.
Karis and I, are not that much different, at least in spirit.
See, she's trying to crawl right now. It is so stinkin funny. I mean, we probably have the wrong floors for a child trying to learn to crawl, she should be on the rug, but it is almost a shag rug, which provides little traction, and then if she rolls off of that, she's on tile or wood flooring. Once again, no traction. I'm hopeful she'll learn to crawl while were at the beach in a condo with some good carpet... We'll see:).
But here's the thing I have noticed about Karis, she can crawl backwards, very easily. She can back herself up all the way across the room. Even when she was in her walker at her Nana's house, the first thing she learned to do is to push herself backwards. I'm no physical therapist (however, funnily enough, my brother is:)) But it seems that backwards is easier because it requires less muscle. I mean, for Karis to go forward crawling, she would have to learn how to get her hips under her, which would put more weight on her little shoulders and arms. All requiring a lot more energy, and strength. She'll need to build up her stamina. Right now, all she has to do is push back on her arms, and steer with her legs. I even saw her maneuver herself backwards to get to a toy this morning! But the drawl to go forward is very frustrating and she will get to her wits end and just cry.
But aren't we all there?
I mean, it is a lot easier to revert to "backwards" ways right? It's easier to judge you before I meet you, so I don't have to get to know you. It's easier to lie than to face the truth. It's easier to stay "18 and carefree" for the rest of your life, than move forward and begin a life all of your own. I know it is. God knows it is. He's there for my every other days when I just cry. He listens when I scream, "It's too hard and I don't want to do it!!"
And He compels me to move forward. Why? Because while moving forward is the hardest thing you will ever do (just ask Karis). It really is the best thing for our lives. We must move forward to build, to create, to heal, we must move forward to GROW.
When Karis starts to get frustrated I am tempted to step in and pick her up. But one day as I was contemplating it, I heard a clear voice from the Lord, "Get out of her way." God is the ultimate parent. And as I am so tempted just to give everything to Karis and not have her go through frustration and hardship, I must get out of the way. Have you ever asked God to intervene in a situation, and the prayers feel like they bounce off the sealing? I mean, you are looking up at the Heavens, you are screaming, begging, dealing, pleading for some kind of help. And you get radio silence...God is the ultimate parent, He's still parenting you. It means it's time for you to move forward. To learn how to get those legs under you and GROW.
He's there, He's watching you. But just like I know that Karis is just one correct hip placement away from getting those legs in the right place and strengthening those arms to hold the new weight that is going to be put on them. Now, I know for certain, that God sees us! He is fully aware of our capabilities, He is watching us, waiting for our spirits to strengthen because of the new weight we will carry.
Because GROWING equals freedom. Yes it is hard, and it requires more strength. But Karis will be able to have her reign of the house. If she sees me go to another room, she will be able to follow me, instead of me carry her. She will have FREEDOM (I am so scared!!:))
If I, a sinful human, want so much for my little girl. How much more freedom does God want from you? Karis doesn't know what awaits her when she can crawl. I do. You don't know what your future of freedom holds. God does. If He is not intervening, Trust He is always watching and waiting for you to grow.
Karis could crawl backwards her whole life, I mean, she could manage to get around going backwards. I have lived a long time in life, managing to function "backwards." But while forwards movement brought me out of my comfort zone, staring right in the eye of my worst fears of failure and rejection, and cost a lot of tears. I have found freedom in Jesus Christ.
Will you grow this year? Will you find freedom? Will you trust that God is there always watching you, and He knows your capabilities?
Me and Karis, It's kind of like we are growing up together.:)
Love you all,
LA
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Saturday, May 19, 2012
16 and 26
Ok, I know, I'm turning 27 in June, but the title was so fitting for what I'm feeling now. Life right now is so hard for me to grasp because I feel like I was 16 yesterday. That I just got my driver's license, that college and freedom where right around the corner. I was going to leave Powder Springs, even Georgia and NEVER LOOK BACK. It was only yesterday that I knew I was never going to have children, that my mom was just going to have to get used to the fact that Jennifer was going to be the daughter to do that. That I wasn't going to get married until I was 30 and I was going to run my own business! I even think it was at sixteen that I thought I was still going to be a cheerleader in college as well... My dreams changed so much in four years of highschool I truly can't remember where my heart was at, at 16. It was only yesterday that my parents surprised me with a Sweet 16 birthday party after me and mom spent a weekend in Ormond Beach. It was only yesterday I knew I had never met my future husband (whereas most of my friends already had...) and didn't know WHEN that was going to happen. (Funny to think it was only four short years ahead). I can just close my eyes and I am right there! In highschool, future wide open, options...well, not limitless, but definitely lots of them:).
And I open my eyes, and I'm right here in my sun room. Typing to you so quickly while my 7 mo old sleeps. I did go to college in GA, I didn't necessarily leave GA behind and NEVER LOOK BACK like I promised my teenage angst self that I would. I did get my degree and use it. Until it was time to come home to be a stay at home wife, then mother. I never did own my own business, which is such a good thing, cause I would have run it into the ground! I did give my mother a grandchild, one of many. (Maybe...) I got married at 22. A very farrrrrrrrrrrr cry from the independent, world-traveling 30 year old I had planned to be. And yet, I still close my eyes and feel my options are... well, there are still lots of them. It's probably because God Graced me with an amazing husband who never says "no" to my dreams. He mostly just shrugs his shoulders and says, "If that's what you want to do, I'm for it." Literally, there has never been a curve ball I haven't thrown at him that's he hasn't done that to. I love that crazy man.
But do you know what else feels so good? So, natural? That my life that it is right now, feels so right. Like when I sit at church in service and Tim's arm is around me and I'm snuggled up right under him, listening to our pastor together, and thinking about my little girl how she is probably having so much fun in the nursery. This is right where I'm supposed to be. Or when I'm at the grocery store and the twenty-something check-out boy is talking about college and what he wants to do and how he wants to own a home by 25. And I just look at him and I truly hope for the best for him when I say "good luck!" It feels right. It feels right that I spend my days cleaning the house, taking care of Karis, and trying to live my life as an example for our little girl. Obviously, my life looks so much different than I had imagined it. But I only choke when I listen to Satan's negative words over my life. Because truly, I feel right about where I sit at this moment.
I am a dichotomy. Do I love to dance to music, have girl spend-the-night parties, watch romantic comedies, go to weddings, by expensive dresses and shoes to go on a night out on the town, sing at the top of my lungs? Absolutely. I am still all of those fun girl things still.
Do I love going to bed early, cuddled up against Tim, walking hand in hand pushing Karis around a park, changing dirty diapers, wondering about Karis while I'm in church, seeing her smile at people in the grocery store, cleaning the house and having others over? Absolutely, and more. I love being an old woman in 26 year-old skin as well.
I hope the dichotomy never dies. I hope when I'm 88 (which, by the way, is the year I'm supposed to die, according to a website I filled out for a sociology class I took) I can close my eyes and feel 16 all over again.
I hope you have much life to live yourself,
LA
And I open my eyes, and I'm right here in my sun room. Typing to you so quickly while my 7 mo old sleeps. I did go to college in GA, I didn't necessarily leave GA behind and NEVER LOOK BACK like I promised my teenage angst self that I would. I did get my degree and use it. Until it was time to come home to be a stay at home wife, then mother. I never did own my own business, which is such a good thing, cause I would have run it into the ground! I did give my mother a grandchild, one of many. (Maybe...) I got married at 22. A very farrrrrrrrrrrr cry from the independent, world-traveling 30 year old I had planned to be. And yet, I still close my eyes and feel my options are... well, there are still lots of them. It's probably because God Graced me with an amazing husband who never says "no" to my dreams. He mostly just shrugs his shoulders and says, "If that's what you want to do, I'm for it." Literally, there has never been a curve ball I haven't thrown at him that's he hasn't done that to. I love that crazy man.
But do you know what else feels so good? So, natural? That my life that it is right now, feels so right. Like when I sit at church in service and Tim's arm is around me and I'm snuggled up right under him, listening to our pastor together, and thinking about my little girl how she is probably having so much fun in the nursery. This is right where I'm supposed to be. Or when I'm at the grocery store and the twenty-something check-out boy is talking about college and what he wants to do and how he wants to own a home by 25. And I just look at him and I truly hope for the best for him when I say "good luck!" It feels right. It feels right that I spend my days cleaning the house, taking care of Karis, and trying to live my life as an example for our little girl. Obviously, my life looks so much different than I had imagined it. But I only choke when I listen to Satan's negative words over my life. Because truly, I feel right about where I sit at this moment.
I am a dichotomy. Do I love to dance to music, have girl spend-the-night parties, watch romantic comedies, go to weddings, by expensive dresses and shoes to go on a night out on the town, sing at the top of my lungs? Absolutely. I am still all of those fun girl things still.
Do I love going to bed early, cuddled up against Tim, walking hand in hand pushing Karis around a park, changing dirty diapers, wondering about Karis while I'm in church, seeing her smile at people in the grocery store, cleaning the house and having others over? Absolutely, and more. I love being an old woman in 26 year-old skin as well.
I hope the dichotomy never dies. I hope when I'm 88 (which, by the way, is the year I'm supposed to die, according to a website I filled out for a sociology class I took) I can close my eyes and feel 16 all over again.
I hope you have much life to live yourself,
LA
Monday, May 7, 2012
Happy (Early) Mother's Day
I'm so excited. I've been patiently waiting for this since we booked the plane tickets. It's not any great special trip around the world. It's mother's day. But it's not just any mother's day. I get to fly up to GA and spend my first (second, I did count last year when I was pregnant with Karis...) Mother's day and I get to sit in church next to the two most awesome mothers I know. My mom and my sister. And if, by chance, the church asks the mothers to stand to be recognized, I get to stand next to my mom and my sister... I'm going to let that sink in for just a couple of seconds.
I'm seriously tearing up right now... Shocker, I know...
I think most people here know how much I esteem my mother and my sister. I don't know how many people know the long road that we have all had with each other. Last year I posted on how I love my mother so much because she never gave up trying to understand and communicate with me. I think it literally took her twenty years, but once I was about married we started getting into the groove with things. It only took twenty years or so:).
But as much as I love my older sister, we've had to come to changes as well. She's five years older than me, which is not forever, but its old enough that she has always been in a different life stage than me, and that might be that way all of our life. When I was in middle school, she was in college, and we were close then, but it was more in the way that she volunteered to be a mentor in the middle school so she was always in my life and dramas (probably a spy for momma as well;)). But we were never able to have the sister moment where you come to each other's room and dish on the boys that you like and what's going on. I did steal her cloths and we would fight over that, but it just wasn't meant for us to be close in a social aspect. I know my sister has always thought of herself as a more mentor/motherly figure to me, and I know she wanted to be more of a sister, and I know she knows how appreciative I am of her that she did mother/mentor me at time, but I still do want to be a sister with her. It's been a different road and hard for both of us at times. What's even more is that we don't back down. Just ask our husbands. So, when we get into fights with each other (which is so rare, trust me) It's kind of like a nuclear bomb. Seriously and unstoppable force hitting an immovable object. I'm sure our strong-willed/stubbornness make makes mom proud and exasperated at the same time:).
But here's the thing. I have ALWAYS admired my sister. I feel she has always made right and wise decisions. (Is she hasn't, she can be the one to tell you, not me:)). And as a younger sister that is amazing and challenging at the same time. Big shoes to fill and a big shadow to walk in are good and hard things at the same time. But here's the thing (again). She is an amazing mother. If you don't believe me, read her blog. She loves her children and they are becoming and amazing, Godly children who love the Lord and talk to Him.
Old LaurieAnn used to be afraid, mad, scared of such a high bar. Jennifer made perfect grades in school, all the time. She was the smart one. But it wasn't until I realized really who I was in Christ, and what kind of standards I made for myself, that I could be that way. I'm a mom now. And Jennifer has amazing children. I have a choice to make. And it's a super, super, super important choice, mainly because it affects Karis and the rest of my children to come.
I can either throw up my hands in exasperation and give up because there is absolutely now way I can do this a good as Jennifer. Or, I can reach out for help, and I can ask for prayer, for wisdom. I can look at the standard and instead of shrink back, I can advance. And I KNOW, that that is what my sister wants me to do. Never once in her high-achieving life had she wanted me to be intimidated by how well she did.
I am so grateful to God I have such an amazing group of women that I can stand in their ranks. If you don't believe me. Just come to my house when My Mema, mom, Both of my Aunts, All my cousins, and me and Jenn. You would be hard pressed to find a room full of strong, talented, and Oh so VERY opinionated women who love Jesus with all of their hearts. Yes, we are a bunch of Steal Magnolias. That does sound a little cliche as I read it, but I can't think of a better term!
And now, I get the honor of standing with them as Mothers. Can you feel my excitement. I mean, we already know my mom did an amazing job! I mean, just look at me and Jenn... and my brothers too...;)... That is kind of sarcastic, but so true. And now my sister and her two awesome kids. And I have a baby. And I want Karis to be an awesome kid like her cousins and then grow up to be a Christ-lover like her Aunt and I. I couldn't be in any better company this coming Mother's Day.
And I am SO Grateful. I can add that to my list.
So yes, this is another love letter to my mother, and maybe a first long over-due one to my sister. You can't begin to understand how excited I am, and how I'll probably never be able to express it outside the perimeters of this blog.
But I love you.
LA
I'm seriously tearing up right now... Shocker, I know...
I think most people here know how much I esteem my mother and my sister. I don't know how many people know the long road that we have all had with each other. Last year I posted on how I love my mother so much because she never gave up trying to understand and communicate with me. I think it literally took her twenty years, but once I was about married we started getting into the groove with things. It only took twenty years or so:).
But as much as I love my older sister, we've had to come to changes as well. She's five years older than me, which is not forever, but its old enough that she has always been in a different life stage than me, and that might be that way all of our life. When I was in middle school, she was in college, and we were close then, but it was more in the way that she volunteered to be a mentor in the middle school so she was always in my life and dramas (probably a spy for momma as well;)). But we were never able to have the sister moment where you come to each other's room and dish on the boys that you like and what's going on. I did steal her cloths and we would fight over that, but it just wasn't meant for us to be close in a social aspect. I know my sister has always thought of herself as a more mentor/motherly figure to me, and I know she wanted to be more of a sister, and I know she knows how appreciative I am of her that she did mother/mentor me at time, but I still do want to be a sister with her. It's been a different road and hard for both of us at times. What's even more is that we don't back down. Just ask our husbands. So, when we get into fights with each other (which is so rare, trust me) It's kind of like a nuclear bomb. Seriously and unstoppable force hitting an immovable object. I'm sure our strong-willed/stubbornness make makes mom proud and exasperated at the same time:).
But here's the thing. I have ALWAYS admired my sister. I feel she has always made right and wise decisions. (Is she hasn't, she can be the one to tell you, not me:)). And as a younger sister that is amazing and challenging at the same time. Big shoes to fill and a big shadow to walk in are good and hard things at the same time. But here's the thing (again). She is an amazing mother. If you don't believe me, read her blog. She loves her children and they are becoming and amazing, Godly children who love the Lord and talk to Him.
Old LaurieAnn used to be afraid, mad, scared of such a high bar. Jennifer made perfect grades in school, all the time. She was the smart one. But it wasn't until I realized really who I was in Christ, and what kind of standards I made for myself, that I could be that way. I'm a mom now. And Jennifer has amazing children. I have a choice to make. And it's a super, super, super important choice, mainly because it affects Karis and the rest of my children to come.
I can either throw up my hands in exasperation and give up because there is absolutely now way I can do this a good as Jennifer. Or, I can reach out for help, and I can ask for prayer, for wisdom. I can look at the standard and instead of shrink back, I can advance. And I KNOW, that that is what my sister wants me to do. Never once in her high-achieving life had she wanted me to be intimidated by how well she did.
I am so grateful to God I have such an amazing group of women that I can stand in their ranks. If you don't believe me. Just come to my house when My Mema, mom, Both of my Aunts, All my cousins, and me and Jenn. You would be hard pressed to find a room full of strong, talented, and Oh so VERY opinionated women who love Jesus with all of their hearts. Yes, we are a bunch of Steal Magnolias. That does sound a little cliche as I read it, but I can't think of a better term!
And now, I get the honor of standing with them as Mothers. Can you feel my excitement. I mean, we already know my mom did an amazing job! I mean, just look at me and Jenn... and my brothers too...;)... That is kind of sarcastic, but so true. And now my sister and her two awesome kids. And I have a baby. And I want Karis to be an awesome kid like her cousins and then grow up to be a Christ-lover like her Aunt and I. I couldn't be in any better company this coming Mother's Day.
And I am SO Grateful. I can add that to my list.
So yes, this is another love letter to my mother, and maybe a first long over-due one to my sister. You can't begin to understand how excited I am, and how I'll probably never be able to express it outside the perimeters of this blog.
But I love you.
LA
Monday, April 9, 2012
So Many Thoughts...
Yes, I promise you. I do have lots of thoughts. I think about blogging all the time. I think about telling you about hormones, my hormones, and how they lie. LIE! to you. Really they do. I think about telling you about my weight loss and what I've done and how I've killed myself, but I'm not posting pics yet, cause I'm not done yet! And there is the post that is coming explaining why on this wonderful, God-created Earth we named Karis, Karis. And how I "invented" the spelling of her name. But that is all in due time. It really is. Every day there is something new I think about to tell you. I think a lot about my marriage, and how we've changed, and yet, how we've stayed exactly the same (no, I'm not trying to confuse you!) I have SO many new pregnant friends, I want to tell you about all the hopes and fears and revelations I had with my first pregnancy. I want my new-pregnant friends to know you are not alone in the ups and downs. I want to put my crazy out there for you, so that you can look in the mirror in the down times and go, "At least I am not LaurieAnn crazy... that girl needs help!" I do. But I don't want to put myself out there right now. I am such an open book kind of person, its even weird for me to say that. Maybe its because I'm vain, insecure, and selfish and I need you to need me to do it. Or maybe, just maybe, because it's not the right time for all of that. For right now, I just want to talk to you about one thing:
I have a daughter.
Yeah, and I don't just have a girl. I have one of those girls who stares long and often at boys. She looks for new people to smile at. She's social. I mean, I don't want to say my parents got off easy, I definitely gave them a run for their money a couple of times in my life. But I will say, I was/am not social. I didn't to highschool parties, cause I wasn't invited. I wasn't popular. No boys were lined up to date me. My dad didn't have to come to the door too many times to flex his muscles to scare off boys. I did that myself. By not being able to talk appropriately in social situations... almost ever. And I was like that as a baby. I know it's true, because unfortunately, I saw the footage that proves from a young age, I didn't like to talk.
Not Karis.
She smiles, she flirts, she LOOKS for new people to catch there eye, and when she does she sticks out her tongue or laughs, give HUGE grins. All in the name of making sure that they know that she is stinkin cute. I have no magic ball, nor any expertise in any field to say I can predict what she is going to be like as a teenager. All I can say is, if right now she is lovin attention, and all she does her entire life is build on this... Oh dear... Ohhhhhhhhhh dear!!!!!
I pray a lot for Karis. I mean, I'm not sending up arrow prayers... Arrow prayers are good, but sometimes, arrows don't always succeed in what they are intended to do. I am sending up javelin like prayers. I'm talking about Roman soldier-trained javelin prayers intended on accurately and efficiently completing their tasks. Cause right now, I feel that the only hope I have in raising a daughter who loves people, and loves to make people happy, is to know that Christ is going to take that natural ability she has and transform it into something AMAZING that He can use to glorify Himself and make Himself known to the nations. That's the only prayer I have. That this beautiful, sweet, smart, and OH SO SOCIAL child will love Jesus more than anything in the world and she will love people closer to Christ. Good plan? I'll get back to you in 18-20 years to tell you how its gone...
I have a daughter.
Yeah, and I don't just have a girl. I have one of those girls who stares long and often at boys. She looks for new people to smile at. She's social. I mean, I don't want to say my parents got off easy, I definitely gave them a run for their money a couple of times in my life. But I will say, I was/am not social. I didn't to highschool parties, cause I wasn't invited. I wasn't popular. No boys were lined up to date me. My dad didn't have to come to the door too many times to flex his muscles to scare off boys. I did that myself. By not being able to talk appropriately in social situations... almost ever. And I was like that as a baby. I know it's true, because unfortunately, I saw the footage that proves from a young age, I didn't like to talk.
Not Karis.
She smiles, she flirts, she LOOKS for new people to catch there eye, and when she does she sticks out her tongue or laughs, give HUGE grins. All in the name of making sure that they know that she is stinkin cute. I have no magic ball, nor any expertise in any field to say I can predict what she is going to be like as a teenager. All I can say is, if right now she is lovin attention, and all she does her entire life is build on this... Oh dear... Ohhhhhhhhhh dear!!!!!
I pray a lot for Karis. I mean, I'm not sending up arrow prayers... Arrow prayers are good, but sometimes, arrows don't always succeed in what they are intended to do. I am sending up javelin like prayers. I'm talking about Roman soldier-trained javelin prayers intended on accurately and efficiently completing their tasks. Cause right now, I feel that the only hope I have in raising a daughter who loves people, and loves to make people happy, is to know that Christ is going to take that natural ability she has and transform it into something AMAZING that He can use to glorify Himself and make Himself known to the nations. That's the only prayer I have. That this beautiful, sweet, smart, and OH SO SOCIAL child will love Jesus more than anything in the world and she will love people closer to Christ. Good plan? I'll get back to you in 18-20 years to tell you how its gone...
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Sometimes
Sometimes every one of us feels
Like we’ll never be healed
Sometimes
Sometimes every one of us aches
Like we’ll never be saved
Sometimes
When we’ve given up
Let Your healing come
When there’s nothing left
Let Your healing come
‘Til we’re rising up
Let Your healing come
Where You go, we will follow
Where You go, we will follow
It’s Your love that we adore
It’s like a sea without a shore
We’re lost in You, we’re lost in You
It’s Your love that we adore
It’s like a sea without a shore
We’re lost in You, we’re lost in You
Sometimes
Sometimes
It’s like we’ll never atone
For all the love we’ve known
Sometimes
Like in a smile or a song
When you feel it come
And that feeling’s gone
It flies
When we’ve given up
Let Your healing come
When there’s nothing left
Let Your healing come
Feel it rising up
Let Your healing come
Where You go, we will follow
Where You go, we will follow
It’s Your love that we adore
It’s like a sea without a shore
We’re lost in You
We’re lost in You
It’s Your love that we adore
It’s like a sea without a shore
We’re lost in You
We’re lost in You
It’s Your love that we adore
It’s like a sea without a shore
Don’t be afraid
Don’t be afraid
Just set your sail
And risk the ocean there’s only grace
Let’s risk the ocean there’s only grace
Let’s risk the ocean there’s only grace
Let’s risk the ocean there’s only grace
I know, it's so high school/college to post lyrics on your blog. But I just can't get this song out of my head. Mostly because I keep thinking about a lot of people that had a sucky year in 2011. Please pardon my use of the word sucky, but I really can't think of a better word to describe last year for a lot of people in my life. And I can't get this song out of my head without thinking, this is my song too.
We are all irreparably broken, because we are human. We are born into a world with hurts, habits, and hang-ups. We are born into a world with disease, mental illness, and addiction. We crave a cure, we long for someone to come and just figuratively, maybe even literally put a cold (or warm, your choice) towel over our head, wrap us in their arms, and say, "It's going to be OK, I'm right here...and I'll be here when you wake up..."
I am fearful, and I serve a God whose love is like a sea without a shore, it goes on forever. And he controls it with ease, because He is God. I keep feeling that I want to live a bigger life than I have. I want to be afraid, but not of life, to fear God so much that I want to risk the ocean. Don't you? Maybe last year left you feeling like you're never going to heal. Maybe someone cut you deeply, maybe you experienced loss in your deepest core and its almost too much to get out of bed sometimes. Maybe, like me, you feel you know you want to live so much more than you have, and yet the first step off the ledge seems SO terrifying.
There's only Grace. In 2012 let's set our sail and risk the ocean...
Love you all,
LA
Like we’ll never be healed
Sometimes
Sometimes every one of us aches
Like we’ll never be saved
Sometimes
When we’ve given up
Let Your healing come
When there’s nothing left
Let Your healing come
‘Til we’re rising up
Let Your healing come
Where You go, we will follow
Where You go, we will follow
It’s Your love that we adore
It’s like a sea without a shore
We’re lost in You, we’re lost in You
It’s Your love that we adore
It’s like a sea without a shore
We’re lost in You, we’re lost in You
Sometimes
Sometimes
It’s like we’ll never atone
For all the love we’ve known
Sometimes
Like in a smile or a song
When you feel it come
And that feeling’s gone
It flies
When we’ve given up
Let Your healing come
When there’s nothing left
Let Your healing come
Feel it rising up
Let Your healing come
Where You go, we will follow
Where You go, we will follow
It’s Your love that we adore
It’s like a sea without a shore
We’re lost in You
We’re lost in You
It’s Your love that we adore
It’s like a sea without a shore
We’re lost in You
We’re lost in You
It’s Your love that we adore
It’s like a sea without a shore
Don’t be afraid
Don’t be afraid
Just set your sail
And risk the ocean there’s only grace
Let’s risk the ocean there’s only grace
Let’s risk the ocean there’s only grace
Let’s risk the ocean there’s only grace
I know, it's so high school/college to post lyrics on your blog. But I just can't get this song out of my head. Mostly because I keep thinking about a lot of people that had a sucky year in 2011. Please pardon my use of the word sucky, but I really can't think of a better word to describe last year for a lot of people in my life. And I can't get this song out of my head without thinking, this is my song too.
We are all irreparably broken, because we are human. We are born into a world with hurts, habits, and hang-ups. We are born into a world with disease, mental illness, and addiction. We crave a cure, we long for someone to come and just figuratively, maybe even literally put a cold (or warm, your choice) towel over our head, wrap us in their arms, and say, "It's going to be OK, I'm right here...and I'll be here when you wake up..."
I am fearful, and I serve a God whose love is like a sea without a shore, it goes on forever. And he controls it with ease, because He is God. I keep feeling that I want to live a bigger life than I have. I want to be afraid, but not of life, to fear God so much that I want to risk the ocean. Don't you? Maybe last year left you feeling like you're never going to heal. Maybe someone cut you deeply, maybe you experienced loss in your deepest core and its almost too much to get out of bed sometimes. Maybe, like me, you feel you know you want to live so much more than you have, and yet the first step off the ledge seems SO terrifying.
There's only Grace. In 2012 let's set our sail and risk the ocean...
Love you all,
LA
Friday, December 30, 2011
New Years Resoulution
So, when I was little, for a long time, we lived across the street from my cousins. Too much fun and too many adventures and stories to tell. In fact, sometimes the "new additions" (meaning husbands and wives:)) to the family complain that we tell the same stories all the time when we get together. And maybe we do, but those stories just never get old to me... I digress again! So, for a long time, I don't know how many years, we would spend New Year's Eve at Uncle David and Aunt Debbie's house. They would make "nasty nachos" (they were not nasty, they were amazing, and I may miss them...) and we would watch whatever tv special we wanted to and around 11:00 Uncle David would hand out envelopes and paper and we would start writing our New Years Resolutions. And he would save them, and then we would open them the next year to see what happened. That really has a profound effect on someone young as I was. And I loved it! So, today, I was reading the Joy the Baker blog and she blogged about how she made a time capsule and I thought, "What a great idea, but I am way too impatient for a time capsule..." So then I thought about New Year's Resolutions. Should I bring them back? Maybe when Karis is older she would like to do them? But then again, I don't think that Tim would be behind that. He's not really a New Year's Resolution kind of guy. So then I thought about my blog, and how I have 18 followers which is enough people out there to hold me accountable to my resolutions! So, in the most candid and "putting myself out there on the internet way" I am going to post my New Year's Resolutions, and hopefully I will remember to revisit this post, this time next year... Sound fun?
So, without further adieu, just off the top of my head, these are some things I resolute for 2012 (if the world does not come to an end, and I mean, you really never know...)
1. Stop being a quitter. When life gets hard and things get hectic, don't turn into a hermit. You can take a breather, you can step back and collect your thoughts, but you must not be a quitter. Quitters may never lose, but they certainly never win!
2. Seriously, be a better friend. Call your beloved ones that are out of state, try a text or two every once in awhile. It doesn't hurt anyone to tell them you love them. Especially those you really do love. And call your grandparents more too.
3. Stop being a spontaneous shopper, Target, Nordstrom Rack, Macy's, Dillards, Marshall's... all of it! You don't need any more clothes, shoes, or accessories. Seriously, stop.
4. Love more and deeply, try to love on Tim they way he receives it, instead of the way you do. Attempt to master being a good wife, try that Proverbs 31 thing.
5. Love your daughter, by December 2012 she will be walking (hopefully) savor her newbornness, and stop thinking about ways to get her to sleep through the night. It will happen eventually, and by the time it does, it will be time to have another kid, so stop trying to make it happen!
6. Read more. You are a smart girl, and too good for daytime television. Read some good books. (Would anyone like to loan them to me?)
7. Clean the house more and get a handle on making the meals. Karis is three months old, and will be over a year by Dec. 2012. You can re-enter the wife world and make dinners for Tim. You can do this!
8. This is shameful that this is not #1 on the list, but can we pretend you put it as #1? You asked Jesus Christ to be your personal Savior, you entered into a relationship with the God and Savior of this world, will you start to pursue one with Him? He's been pursuing you your entire life, 2012 is a good year for reciprocity.
9. Have you gotten down to your pre-pregnancy weight? Are you on your way to going past that number (you were a little tubs when you got pregnant...) How many 5k's, and 10K's did you run this year? Remember in 2011 when you were pregnant all year long and you SO wanted to be doing those with your mom and sister? Well, now is the time for it! Do not give up! And deep down inside you know you like the feeling of a good long hard run:).
10. Tim bought you a glue gun, try to utilize pintrist to get a little crafty this year instead of looking at all the clothes ideas on it. While you may have hated making that Christmas wreath, it did turn out pretty and you did feel proud of it. Try to think of ways of being more crafty!
Ok, little one is crying, and 10 resolutions are a good start! I'll be seeing you all in the New Year! Love you!
So, without further adieu, just off the top of my head, these are some things I resolute for 2012 (if the world does not come to an end, and I mean, you really never know...)
1. Stop being a quitter. When life gets hard and things get hectic, don't turn into a hermit. You can take a breather, you can step back and collect your thoughts, but you must not be a quitter. Quitters may never lose, but they certainly never win!
2. Seriously, be a better friend. Call your beloved ones that are out of state, try a text or two every once in awhile. It doesn't hurt anyone to tell them you love them. Especially those you really do love. And call your grandparents more too.
3. Stop being a spontaneous shopper, Target, Nordstrom Rack, Macy's, Dillards, Marshall's... all of it! You don't need any more clothes, shoes, or accessories. Seriously, stop.
4. Love more and deeply, try to love on Tim they way he receives it, instead of the way you do. Attempt to master being a good wife, try that Proverbs 31 thing.
5. Love your daughter, by December 2012 she will be walking (hopefully) savor her newbornness, and stop thinking about ways to get her to sleep through the night. It will happen eventually, and by the time it does, it will be time to have another kid, so stop trying to make it happen!
6. Read more. You are a smart girl, and too good for daytime television. Read some good books. (Would anyone like to loan them to me?)
7. Clean the house more and get a handle on making the meals. Karis is three months old, and will be over a year by Dec. 2012. You can re-enter the wife world and make dinners for Tim. You can do this!
8. This is shameful that this is not #1 on the list, but can we pretend you put it as #1? You asked Jesus Christ to be your personal Savior, you entered into a relationship with the God and Savior of this world, will you start to pursue one with Him? He's been pursuing you your entire life, 2012 is a good year for reciprocity.
9. Have you gotten down to your pre-pregnancy weight? Are you on your way to going past that number (you were a little tubs when you got pregnant...) How many 5k's, and 10K's did you run this year? Remember in 2011 when you were pregnant all year long and you SO wanted to be doing those with your mom and sister? Well, now is the time for it! Do not give up! And deep down inside you know you like the feeling of a good long hard run:).
10. Tim bought you a glue gun, try to utilize pintrist to get a little crafty this year instead of looking at all the clothes ideas on it. While you may have hated making that Christmas wreath, it did turn out pretty and you did feel proud of it. Try to think of ways of being more crafty!
Ok, little one is crying, and 10 resolutions are a good start! I'll be seeing you all in the New Year! Love you!
Friday, December 16, 2011
The Things I Do for Christmas Spirit...
I'm kind of starting a tradition for myself that I don't much like... Let me explain. You see I haven't found that one great thing in my life that I am really, really, really good at. I mean, I can't really pinpoint that one thing that when you're talking to someone you're like, "Oh yeah, you need help with that? Go to LaurieAnn, she'll help you, she's amazing at it..." And that's ok, I'm young, I have lots of life (Lord willing) ahead of me, I feel like if I keep at it, I'll find it.
But anyway, so I do know one thing I am good at, it's not really a skill, it's more like, just who I am. I will try anything once. So, for the past Christmas's, I have been trying my hand at different crafty, domestic type things to do at Christmas time. I feel as a wife, I should try to do something to make the season bright in the Harper household...
So, the first Christmas, I decided I was going to make my own Christmas cards. So I spent, a bizillion dollars at a Stamp-Up party, chose what looked like the easiest card I could figure out to do and made a grand total of I think like 20-30 cards, which wasn't even half of the people on our Christmas list... to top it all off, people were more impressed with Tim's Christmas poem than my card, and most everyone thought my sister (who did these kind of cards a lot and is really good at it) made the cards. While I was super flattered that people thought the cards were so good Jennifer did them, these cards mostly just stressed me out..The next Christmas after that I believe we flew up to Georgia and surprised my whole family by being there on Christmas Eve and for Christmas. Hahaha... good times, that was stressful cause I had to lie to my mother for a week, and I think she even cried one time on the phone, so, while I loved surprising my family, the weeks before hand were hard and also I was a nervous wreck until the plane touched its wheels down on GA asphalt. Then there is last year... last year I baked all cookies known to our family for Christmas. The crescent cookies, the ones with the jelly in the middle of them, chocolate chip cookies, and mom showed me how to make fudge... I felt like I was baking forever. And I felt like I used all the butter in Florida. Now, making cookies was fun, but I also gained about what felt like 100 lbs between eating the cookie dough and eating the cookies that did not make it in tins to friends:). Which brings us to this year...
I decided no crazy baking since I'm trying to drop about four pants sizes and eating cookie batter won't help:) (but it would make me happy). One day, Tim mentioned that he wanted a wreath for the door and he wanted to buy one. Well, that was just not going to happen, no way, I was going to make a wreath! So, I found some pictures in a magazine with some directions, and I thought I picked one of the easier wreaths, skill wise... well, it might have been easy skill wise, but not so much time wise. So here is what it looked like while I was putting together all 100 pieces of this wreath:
Do you see those little rosettes in the picture? Yes, I had to make over 100 of them. That means I cut over one hundred circles in felt, and then I rolled over 100 rosettes. By the time I was on the 5th rosette I was starting to wonder what I got myself into. But after three days of toiling here is what I got:
Not too shabby. But I really can't say that wreath making is my thing either. I really can't say I enjoyed the process nor do I want to go and make a wreath for every holiday. Especially a rosette wreath. So, I tried it! Another thing on my list I can say I have done and have some experience in doing, just not that thing I'm great at! I wonder what stressful thing I will do next year in my search for making Christmas in the house? Ha! We'll find out next year I guess.
And for your enjoyment...
But anyway, so I do know one thing I am good at, it's not really a skill, it's more like, just who I am. I will try anything once. So, for the past Christmas's, I have been trying my hand at different crafty, domestic type things to do at Christmas time. I feel as a wife, I should try to do something to make the season bright in the Harper household...
So, the first Christmas, I decided I was going to make my own Christmas cards. So I spent, a bizillion dollars at a Stamp-Up party, chose what looked like the easiest card I could figure out to do and made a grand total of I think like 20-30 cards, which wasn't even half of the people on our Christmas list... to top it all off, people were more impressed with Tim's Christmas poem than my card, and most everyone thought my sister (who did these kind of cards a lot and is really good at it) made the cards. While I was super flattered that people thought the cards were so good Jennifer did them, these cards mostly just stressed me out..The next Christmas after that I believe we flew up to Georgia and surprised my whole family by being there on Christmas Eve and for Christmas. Hahaha... good times, that was stressful cause I had to lie to my mother for a week, and I think she even cried one time on the phone, so, while I loved surprising my family, the weeks before hand were hard and also I was a nervous wreck until the plane touched its wheels down on GA asphalt. Then there is last year... last year I baked all cookies known to our family for Christmas. The crescent cookies, the ones with the jelly in the middle of them, chocolate chip cookies, and mom showed me how to make fudge... I felt like I was baking forever. And I felt like I used all the butter in Florida. Now, making cookies was fun, but I also gained about what felt like 100 lbs between eating the cookie dough and eating the cookies that did not make it in tins to friends:). Which brings us to this year...
I decided no crazy baking since I'm trying to drop about four pants sizes and eating cookie batter won't help:) (but it would make me happy). One day, Tim mentioned that he wanted a wreath for the door and he wanted to buy one. Well, that was just not going to happen, no way, I was going to make a wreath! So, I found some pictures in a magazine with some directions, and I thought I picked one of the easier wreaths, skill wise... well, it might have been easy skill wise, but not so much time wise. So here is what it looked like while I was putting together all 100 pieces of this wreath:
Do you see those little rosettes in the picture? Yes, I had to make over 100 of them. That means I cut over one hundred circles in felt, and then I rolled over 100 rosettes. By the time I was on the 5th rosette I was starting to wonder what I got myself into. But after three days of toiling here is what I got:
Not too shabby. But I really can't say that wreath making is my thing either. I really can't say I enjoyed the process nor do I want to go and make a wreath for every holiday. Especially a rosette wreath. So, I tried it! Another thing on my list I can say I have done and have some experience in doing, just not that thing I'm great at! I wonder what stressful thing I will do next year in my search for making Christmas in the house? Ha! We'll find out next year I guess.
And for your enjoyment...
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