Pregnancy??

As many of you can see, I changed my blog... again, I'm trying to make it look like the way I feel about this site, cause it it important to me. It's important to me that I get to tell you about what I'm learning and doing, so I hope you like the new digs.
Feel free to tell me if you like or dislike (but be nice:)).

So, a lot of people have been asking me lately how I am feeling. I guess because pregnancy is so individual for so many people it is different for everyone. So, when I really have nothing to say that is crazy different about it, most people seem happy cause that means I am not feeling nauseous or puking.. well, I'll get to that, but I do have a lot to say about this thing called pregnancy. So, I hope this is helpful for all kinds of people, or maybe not at all, who knows?

Let me first start off by saying, everyday of my life I am totally shocked that I am having a baby. I know that most of you know that this was a planned pregnancy, its not like I wasn't going for gold or anything, I just really can't believe there was success, and for more than one reason, but the main reason being, I can't really believe that God put the OK on me and Tim to have kids, its kind of crazy! Now, if you ask Tim, he would say that we are totally a good couple to have kids, which I agree with him, but... Sometimes I do wonder about us. I consider it a huge honor to be here, seriously, being a parent is probably the hardest thing I will ever do in my life, and I've done some hard things (for me, mind you:)) Tim and I were actually on the beach last night, having communion on the sand with our church after some beach Baptisms, and Tim started thanking the Lord for our baby. And my only thought was..."Holy crap, I can't believe we are thanking God for a baby, we are going to have a baby!!!!" I know, I should really be wrapping my head around this idea, but once again, I never thought I would ever get married, much less have a baby, really, so the fact that we are here right now, and I'm only 25, it's pretty incredible. And I am totally blessed.

How do I feel? At its worst, my pregnancy has been uncomfortable. Some people might be hating me for this, but hey, if you haven't had kids yet, then this might be encouraging. I kid you not, there was no morning sickness, no nausea, no nothing. I kept asking the doctors and my poor mother, are you sure I'm pregnant? Because for the first 12 weeks, I had nothing to go on, other than a positive pregnancy test. It was kind of scary, but I was really thankful for no vomiting, cause, in my lifetime, I have gotten sick a lot and have vomited a lot more than a normal person should, mainly due to the fact that I can catch stomach flu from a mile away. Seriously. I am really susceptible to that stuff. And if you don't believe me, look at the Christmas card my mom sent out last year, everyone looking nice and refreshed, and I look a little busted and mad that we are taking this picture? Its cause I was throwing up everything in my stomach from the previous night... Merry Christmas... moving on...

So, I am thankful for no nausea and vomiting, but what else has been new with this? I didn't even know my belly button could stretch the way it has, and it is only half way there. It already freaks me out. I used to have this beautifully cute inny.. and now... it just looks like a huge circle with a bump on my stomach. And when those muscles are stretching as they grow... forget it. The only way I can handle that is by pushing in on my belly button. I do not like that thing messed with in the first place, and all this pregnancy has done is mess with my belly button! It's like pregnancy knows how to make you uncomfortable in your least favorite ways... Then there's the fact that I have never been anemic (its like a blood thing, google it:)) my whole life, and now this child, that I love and can't wait to meet, has sucked all of my iron out of me... and now I must take supplements of iron! So when you are pregnant, not only must you take prenatals, but now my iron pills, and then because iron causes constipation, I must make sure I am getting an over amount of fiber in my diet...and it doesn't stop there...

Cause about week 18 in this deal, my stomach decided that all food that I eat must first stay in my esophagus and burn continuously before it is digested. So, now whenever I eat, whatever I eat, my dessert is always two-four (depending on the severity of the burning) berry-flavored tums... yum! But!! It helps and that is all that matters! You only have to stay awake for an hour trying to go to sleep swallowing indigestion before you go get you some berry-flavored Tums! PS. thank you sister for introducing me to the berry-flavored ones, they taste much better than the normal ones:). So now, I take prenatals, iron, extra fiber something, and Tums, lots of Tums...

There are other things too, almost every night since this journey began I have been waking up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. The baby sits low, very low. So low, it fooled the doctor one time when we were trying to find the heart beat! So, the baby had control over my bladder, yep I said that right, the BABY has control over MY bladder! Don't believe me? One little repositioning of that cute little sucker and I feel like I have to go like there is no tomorrow, only to then rush to the nearest bathroom (and if you go to our church, you know that that is not small feat) just to sit there and almost nothing come out... Nice little one, good trick you play on mom... And because this is a public blog, and I might have a male read this (doubt it, but there is a possibility), I like to keep things classy, but if you have any questions about boobs, well, lets just say I have a lot to tell you, its quite cool/unreal what happens to these suckers... But I haven't gotten to the best part yet...

This little thing inside of me moves!!! I mean, it moves like crazy! Once again, just like his/her father! So precious to be sitting watching tv or relaxing during the day and feel weird little movements inside that are not coming from my own personal organs. But from another little life that I get to carry. Still trying to convince my brain it is not gas, cause that is what it kind of feels like, so sometimes when little one start to move my body thinks I should go to the bathroom. It's all a bunch of mind games!

So, there you have it, I did not and have not felt sick at all this entire time. I have to take iron or else I sleep all the time and am super tired, my intake of fiber has increased 500%, my belly button hurts, I have no bladder control due to my child sitting on it :), and the best parts of my days are feeling this little one move inside of me. That is how I really feel about pregnancy. Oh yeah, and I still can't believe I am pregnant, writing a blog about pregnancy. Its pretty crazy/cool.

Hope this lets you in on my life as it is right now, I'll keep you posted if there are any major changes in the third trimester:)

LA

Oh, Mother!

This is the picture of the girls in my family. My Immediate family. I have a picture of all the girls on my mom's side of the family, however, I need my cousin to upload the pictures on something other than facebook, long story. Anyway, for those who know me very well, you know that I love, adore my family. I think the world of all of them, and I may, at times talk about all of them like super women. My grandmother married my grandfather at a young age, and was called out by God to start a godly family. Which began a legacy of strong Chrisitan families. She is truly a Matriarch. My mom and Aunt's are amazing Matriarch's in training. And I could go on out my sisters and "cousins' however, we all view each other as sisters, cousins just does not describe the relationship we have with each other. But since Sunday is mother's day, this one is for you Mama!

There are a million reasons why my mom is amazing. One being she had four children, my older sister being ten years older than my younger brother. So, basically, my mom had kids for ten years. That is so awesome, kind of wears me out thinking about it! I also admire my mom because, without getting any formal education, we has been able to achieve, and quite successfully a lot of things in her life that most people say you can't do without a college education. Seriously, when I start to think and give myself excuses about why I can't do something or how I'm not qualified, I just think about my mom, and all she has done with her life, she never made excuses for herself, if she wants to get something done, then she will.

I also admire my mom because she didn't just raise her children to go to church. That's kind of easy, I know a lot of people that know how to get to a church on Sunday. But she raised her children to live pure lives, to love God and have a relationship with Him, and desire to live a life glorifying to Him. I mean, I know I have messed up in my life, and I've done some pretty stupid things. But what got me through my tough rebelious times in life was first my relationship with the Lord and just listening to Him loving call me back to His arms into His will, but also my family challenging my decisions and calling me out on my walk. My mom did that to me a lot, and I kind of did not like her for it a lot, but I'm glad she did, she was my spiritual thermometer and I appreciate that more now than ever.

My mom is also amazing because she never gave up on mine and her relationship. You don't know this either, but for most of my life, communication was just not our thing. At all, I mean, we would get into fights and then realize we were saying the same thing. I don't know, all I can say is that when I looked at my mom and sister and saw how they related to each other, I wondered why me and mom couldn't be like that. But she never gave up. She would take me on shopping trips, she drove me to everywhere in the world (mainly for cheerleading), she would come into my room at any time to try to talk to me (have to say, most of the time I was not feeling that!). But she did not give up! Every chance she had to be alone with me and see what's going on, she did. And trust me, because of cheerleading there were SO many times we were in the car together! And she supported me in everything. I mean, I did cheerleading, its quite foreign to a a family who follows my brother's baseball, football, and basketball games. But she was there! (and if she couldn't be, she would send my brother-in-law to watch, shout out to Joey for being at all of my freshmen games!!) I mean, talk about A for effort! Did it pay off for my mother? You tell me...

She is one of my best friends, I miss her like crazy, all the time. I call her on Wed's and we get to catch up on life mid-way through the week. She tells me not to freak out about being a mother, she says I'll do great (were all at least hopeful for now:)) We love shoe shopping together, and I do have to say I have found some awesome shoes for her! One day, (I think it happened when my brain fully developed:)) things just clicked with us. Years of trying and effort paid off. Me and mom talk openly and honestly with each other, with consideration for each others feelings and we let each other just be. I don't know when, how, why, but it happened, and I'm so thankful. No we don't see eye to eye on every issue, but that is ok, because I have a deep respect for my mother, and she respects me too.

Here's to you Momma, I love you, and I thank you for my life, and most importantly never giving up on finding that relationship with a different kind of daughter. :)

(Life) Lessons Learned

I got to take a long walk today. I live across the street from this amazingly beautiful natural lake, but you can't walk all the way around it, but the short section of our street that is by it, I save it for last. Its a reward for walking as much as I do, because when you round the bend and get a hit of the cool breeze blowing off the lake, and you get to gaze upon this gorgeous lake, you would understand why I save it for last... So I love my long walks because I get to do a lot of thinking and talking to God, and just pondering. And the things I pondered I thought I would tell you about. Things that I am learning. In life. And what to do with these things? Application is the key to all knowledge, it's Wisdom. So, here are some things that this Christian, mother-to-be, wife, daughter, sister, friend, and human is learning: (And in keeping with the Rule of Threes, or any good Baptist sermon, I have three main bullets, so I promise it won't be too long:))

1. Gratitude
My sister gave me a book about gratitude. I love it, unfortunately, I can't read it anymore (don't worry Jenn, I will pick it up again:)) because I feel so convicted about my ingratitude. Gratitude is a beautiful gift God gives us. It helps us to focus on the Lord and His Grace and Love, it prompts us to Thanksgiving, and it is fundamental to the Christian walk. Gratitude is the first thing we try to teach our children. It's not just about manners (although, being polite is apart of good character, I think...) It's about helping the children recognize that when they are given a gift, to acknowledge that Gift, and the Giver. If we were to do a pie graph of my prayers and make a slice for my portion that are prayers of Thanksgiving to God, and the portion that are requests to God, well, you would think that I missed out on my lesson of Gratitude. I get SO stressed out in my life focusing on things that I do not have or things I want, I very rarely look around at all that I am blessed with and just breath in and breath out a sigh of Thanksgiving and Praise. But I can tell you, that when I do, when I focus on the God of all creation and His many good and perfect gifts... I am in perfect peace. Mainly because I know at that moment, I am aligning myself with the Will of God, and that is to bring Him Glory and Praise... and it feels so good.
My application: As I round my final curve of my walk and see the Glorious lake singing the praises of the Most High. I join with it for a couple of moments... in perfect peace, being the creation I was meant to be.... Until my dog starts pulling at my leash, which leads me to my next point...

2. Trade-offs
What is a trade-off? If you paid attention in government class when you were in high school, you would have learned that, government happens because people are willing to "trade off" a certain amount of freedom to the government so that the government, in return will protect the people. What?... Sorry, ok, for every decision that we make in life, we give up or post-pone certain things to attain another. For instance, I married my wonderful husband at a fairly young age. Because I did, I guess you could say I "gave up" or "delayed" certain things that I would like to do in life. I won't be visiting Europe anytime soon, I can't do as many "girls night outs" as I used to, I mean, I gave up my freedom as a single person very early. But!!! I gained a partner, husband, (lover...) someone that when I do get to do fun things, I can spend that time with HIM!! Which, when I do get to do fun things, I feel twice as fulfilled. Riley would be my next example, about two years ago, I was lonely at home and wanted a playmate (or a baby, either would do...) and so we went out and adopted Riley! I love my puppy, but getting a puppy means I am vacuuming hair balls, making sure he is exercised, spending money on dog food, and we can't just hop in the car for trips anymore, cause we have to think about the poor puppy spending the day in his pin... We gained so much in such a cute dog, but we also gave up some freedoms as well. So what do I learn from trade-offs??
(Application) Contentment. Being grateful for the things that I gain in my decisions, and focusing on how those things affect my life for the better, rather than focusing on the things that I gave up. What good would it be for me to try to think about my life, if only I had not taken out college loans? Well, I didn't, so let me focus on how those college loans were a way (I would suggest, though, finding another way to fund your education:)) to get a college education so that I could have worked the job that I did for two years which blessed me tremendously. Being content here in Orlando, instead of closing my heart to the good things that are here to offer...When I am content I let go of control... which leads me to my final lesson...

2. I am a CONTROL FREAK...
We probably all are in some way, but I am a huge one. Worse, I am a subtle control freak (otherwise known as a manipulator). It is awful. If you would let me, I would tell you what to wear (Bright colors, fun skirts and dresses, but keep it classy) I would tell you what shoes to wear (high heals). I would tell you where to live (next to me). I would tell you how to decorate your house (color! lots of it!). Probably the only thing I would not tell you what do to is how to cut your hair, cause I still can't figure out how mine should be cut, but give me some time and a celebrity magazine and I will find a haircut you should have...seriously its bad. I think I mean well, but I don't think you should be married to me. And poor husband, he is! He has had to deal with me for 5 years now (for those trying to do the math, I am counting when we first started dating, because yes, I started on Tim then...) I have been hinting, poking, prodding, "suggesting" that my poor man wear this, say that, do this, buy that, go here... I mean, I was just sitting on the airplane this morning almost in tears thinking about how much stress this man deals with, and then he has to come home with ME trying to have my way with him ALL THE TIME... I mean, I have good intentions, but you know what they say about those... And then, I worry. All the time. Do you know what I worry about? Everything that I cannot control. That makes up 99.9% of my life. Cause if you think about it, I can't even control if my hair stays in my head, that falls out whether or not I want it to! I can't even control the beautiful life that is growing inside of me! This child has done and will do as God pleases it, since conception, even I have no control over the very conception of my child!! (its not really my child either, this is God's child, that He has so graciously let me carry for now, but that's another lesson, and I will get to that later, maybe...) I am not even sure if I have control over the words that I type... all is given and can be taken away from us in an instant. Don't believe me? Ask those living in Alabama, N. GA, Tennessee and elsewhere in the country. Ask Japan. Ask Haiti. They don't even have control over the very piece of dirt their feet stand on. And yet, I choose to believe I have some say in something...What do I do???
Application: I was once told that recognizing you have a problem is the first step in recovery. I am a recovering control freak, and just like an alcoholic is always recovering from alcoholism (its a true fact, I double checked with AA) I probably will always be tempted to take control of my life (is that really possible?) and run with it. Today I prayed that God would move the knowledge that He is our sole Provider from my head to my heart, and that knowledge that He is good and Loves me will move from my head to my heart. Every time I start to worry about things, I pray that. And to show you how bad I am, I prayed that like almost 10 times in just my 1hr long walk. I'll probably have to pray it a lot tomorrow, and throughout my life. Maybe that is why the Bible says to Pray without ceasing. I guess that's what it means for me...

So, in closing, Expressing my Gratitude, Focusing on contentment and the good results of my decisions, and Praying without ceasing. I feel like those are a lot to learn and I have so many other things I need to learn before my beautiful child takes his/her first breath. Practice makes perfect, and I look forward to more lessons...

LA