I got to take a long walk today. I live across the street from this amazingly beautiful natural lake, but you can't walk all the way around it, but the short section of our street that is by it, I save it for last. Its a reward for walking as much as I do, because when you round the bend and get a hit of the cool breeze blowing off the lake, and you get to gaze upon this gorgeous lake, you would understand why I save it for last... So I love my long walks because I get to do a lot of thinking and talking to God, and just pondering. And the things I pondered I thought I would tell you about. Things that I am learning. In life. And what to do with these things? Application is the key to all knowledge, it's Wisdom. So, here are some things that this Christian, mother-to-be, wife, daughter, sister, friend, and human is learning: (And in keeping with the Rule of Threes, or any good Baptist sermon, I have three main bullets, so I promise it won't be too long:))
1. Gratitude
My sister gave me a book about gratitude. I love it, unfortunately, I can't read it anymore (don't worry Jenn, I will pick it up again:)) because I feel so convicted about my ingratitude. Gratitude is a beautiful gift God gives us. It helps us to focus on the Lord and His Grace and Love, it prompts us to Thanksgiving, and it is fundamental to the Christian walk. Gratitude is the first thing we try to teach our children. It's not just about manners (although, being polite is apart of good character, I think...) It's about helping the children recognize that when they are given a gift, to acknowledge that Gift, and the Giver. If we were to do a pie graph of my prayers and make a slice for my portion that are prayers of Thanksgiving to God, and the portion that are requests to God, well, you would think that I missed out on my lesson of Gratitude. I get SO stressed out in my life focusing on things that I do not have or things I want, I very rarely look around at all that I am blessed with and just breath in and breath out a sigh of Thanksgiving and Praise. But I can tell you, that when I do, when I focus on the God of all creation and His many good and perfect gifts... I am in perfect peace. Mainly because I know at that moment, I am aligning myself with the Will of God, and that is to bring Him Glory and Praise... and it feels so good.
My application: As I round my final curve of my walk and see the Glorious lake singing the praises of the Most High. I join with it for a couple of moments... in perfect peace, being the creation I was meant to be.... Until my dog starts pulling at my leash, which leads me to my next point...
2. Trade-offs
What is a trade-off? If you paid attention in government class when you were in high school, you would have learned that, government happens because people are willing to "trade off" a certain amount of freedom to the government so that the government, in return will protect the people. What?... Sorry, ok, for every decision that we make in life, we give up or post-pone certain things to attain another. For instance, I married my wonderful husband at a fairly young age. Because I did, I guess you could say I "gave up" or "delayed" certain things that I would like to do in life. I won't be visiting Europe anytime soon, I can't do as many "girls night outs" as I used to, I mean, I gave up my freedom as a single person very early. But!!! I gained a partner, husband, (lover...) someone that when I do get to do fun things, I can spend that time with HIM!! Which, when I do get to do fun things, I feel twice as fulfilled. Riley would be my next example, about two years ago, I was lonely at home and wanted a playmate (or a baby, either would do...) and so we went out and adopted Riley! I love my puppy, but getting a puppy means I am vacuuming hair balls, making sure he is exercised, spending money on dog food, and we can't just hop in the car for trips anymore, cause we have to think about the poor puppy spending the day in his pin... We gained so much in such a cute dog, but we also gave up some freedoms as well. So what do I learn from trade-offs??
(Application) Contentment. Being grateful for the things that I gain in my decisions, and focusing on how those things affect my life for the better, rather than focusing on the things that I gave up. What good would it be for me to try to think about my life, if only I had not taken out college loans? Well, I didn't, so let me focus on how those college loans were a way (I would suggest, though, finding another way to fund your education:)) to get a college education so that I could have worked the job that I did for two years which blessed me tremendously. Being content here in Orlando, instead of closing my heart to the good things that are here to offer...When I am content I let go of control... which leads me to my final lesson...
2. I am a CONTROL FREAK...
We probably all are in some way, but I am a huge one. Worse, I am a subtle control freak (otherwise known as a manipulator). It is awful. If you would let me, I would tell you what to wear (Bright colors, fun skirts and dresses, but keep it classy) I would tell you what shoes to wear (high heals). I would tell you where to live (next to me). I would tell you how to decorate your house (color! lots of it!). Probably the only thing I would not tell you what do to is how to cut your hair, cause I still can't figure out how mine should be cut, but give me some time and a celebrity magazine and I will find a haircut you should have...seriously its bad. I think I mean well, but I don't think you should be married to me. And poor husband, he is! He has had to deal with me for 5 years now (for those trying to do the math, I am counting when we first started dating, because yes, I started on Tim then...) I have been hinting, poking, prodding, "suggesting" that my poor man wear this, say that, do this, buy that, go here... I mean, I was just sitting on the airplane this morning almost in tears thinking about how much stress this man deals with, and then he has to come home with ME trying to have my way with him ALL THE TIME... I mean, I have good intentions, but you know what they say about those... And then, I worry. All the time. Do you know what I worry about? Everything that I cannot control. That makes up 99.9% of my life. Cause if you think about it, I can't even control if my hair stays in my head, that falls out whether or not I want it to! I can't even control the beautiful life that is growing inside of me! This child has done and will do as God pleases it, since conception, even I have no control over the very conception of my child!! (its not really my child either, this is God's child, that He has so graciously let me carry for now, but that's another lesson, and I will get to that later, maybe...) I am not even sure if I have control over the words that I type... all is given and can be taken away from us in an instant. Don't believe me? Ask those living in Alabama, N. GA, Tennessee and elsewhere in the country. Ask Japan. Ask Haiti. They don't even have control over the very piece of dirt their feet stand on. And yet, I choose to believe I have some say in something...What do I do???
Application: I was once told that recognizing you have a problem is the first step in recovery. I am a recovering control freak, and just like an alcoholic is always recovering from alcoholism (its a true fact, I double checked with AA) I probably will always be tempted to take control of my life (is that really possible?) and run with it. Today I prayed that God would move the knowledge that He is our sole Provider from my head to my heart, and that knowledge that He is good and Loves me will move from my head to my heart. Every time I start to worry about things, I pray that. And to show you how bad I am, I prayed that like almost 10 times in just my 1hr long walk. I'll probably have to pray it a lot tomorrow, and throughout my life. Maybe that is why the Bible says to Pray without ceasing. I guess that's what it means for me...
So, in closing, Expressing my Gratitude, Focusing on contentment and the good results of my decisions, and Praying without ceasing. I feel like those are a lot to learn and I have so many other things I need to learn before my beautiful child takes his/her first breath. Practice makes perfect, and I look forward to more lessons...
LA
Monday, May 2, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
She Must and Shall Go Free
My family (mostly my mom, love you mom!) has told me for years that sometimes it is hard to follow me when I talk because I change the subject of the conversation so many times, it gets confusing to keep up. I think I have gotten better at that I've gotten older, ironically, I married someone who has the same issue (I refuse to call it a problem:)) All this to say is that the following blog goes a million places and I am hoping I can write in such a way that you will follow, here goes nothing...
First, I will start off with admitting that I can be a huge spiritual snob sometimes. What is that? Someone who does not like to give simple church answers to questions, I like to give deep philosophical answers that are SO deep... haha, but seriously I totally got humbled three weekends ago. I was visiting my mom and dad's Sunday school class at church and one of the topics of the discussion was Joy and Joy "busters" (a joy buster being someone/thing that takes away/destroys our joy) and the teacher asked that class what they can do to deal with "joy busters." As I was sitting there in my chair thinking about how we can meditate on God's word and focus on all the good things He has done for us (as you can previously read, I'm big on remembering:)) This lady in the front row said, "I like to sing!" To which the teacher responded with an affirmative towards the lady. Here comes the spiritual snob thought that I am sooooooo ashamed that I thought (I did not say it out loud, only to you right now!): "Singing? What are we in kindergarten? Who really sings when they are upset? C'mon lady, you are like, older, can't you do better than singing????" I am really so embarrassed of myself sometimes... God is so good, tho, He's really into redeeming things. Cut to the next paragraph and about two weeks later...
So about two weeks later, Tim and I get into a little, small, teensy-tiny,"tiff" one morning over the phone and the conversation does not end well and its time for me to take a shower. I did not want to spend the day with my "joy busted" so, do you know what I did?? I brought my ipod into the bathroom and found Derek Webb on my playlist and listened to the CD "She Must and Shall Go Free" and SANG in the shower!!! Do you know what happened? Joy Buster DIVERTED!! HAhaha, I can be so foolish. Here I was thinking that if you can just sit down and focus on God, do you know how hard it is to just sit down and focus? Takes forever for me, and in the process sometimes I just end up focusing on Tim and how mad I am at him! Do you know how easy it is to focus on the Lord when wonderful music is filling the room with praises to Him?? So easy! So, I admit my haughtiness and confess of pride and repent, leaving it hear on this post on the internet... But... Derek Webb leads me to my next paragraph and thought...
So, ever since listening to "She must and Shall go free" that day, I can't get enough of that CD. In fact, if you have been wondering where all my cool quotes have been coming from on my facebook, they have not been my original idea (I wish) they are Derek Webb's and whoever else helped him write those songs. This CD is challenging, in a good way, my friends. Its kind of like, the words are the medicine, and the music is the sugar that helps make it go down! (thank you Mary Poppins) This CD came out "03/"04ish and I mean it could still be re-released today and I feel be just as powerful. I challenge you to get the album from wherever and listen to the songs and the lyrics and really let what he is singing seep in. I mean even today, I can't get enough, listening to it in the shower! (I do want to put a disclaimer in just so you know, two things about Derek Webb and the CD if you are serious about listening to some serious Christian music: 1. Derek Webb is a Calvinist and I believe that comes through in his lyrics, there is nothing wrong with Calvinism, you can look it up yourself, but I just think you should know, and 2. Um, some of the language is strong, in that manner I mean, he uses the word whore on the regular, mainly to describe himself and the church in the light of God's unfailing Goodness. If that kind of language is offensive to you, it's the same way that God refers to Israel in the old testament, then this is not the CD for you.) Good, disclaimer made, however, today I was thinking about my cousin Brenda as I was listening to the lyrics, here they are, some of my favorites:
"Like the Three in One, know you must become what you want to save, cause that's still the way, He takes to the world..."
Challenged yet? If you aren't well... anyway, why it reminded me of my cousin is that she is working for and organization that rescues females who have been sex trafficked. Don't know what that is or what that means? I did not even know this existed until about a couple of years ago myself. You know, we think that when women go missing they were probably killed, sometimes death would be better than what happens to these poor souls. Go to Brenda's Tumblir link I have posted for you, she has all kinds of info on sex trafficking, but in a breakdown, here is what I can tell you it is: 1.Young women are sold continuously into prostitution, drugged, and beaten everyday of their lives. 2. It is evil, and I am almost certain Satan himself is the head of these organizations.
My Beautiful cousin Brenda has become like those she wants to save, no she is not being sex trafficked, she is working at a house and counseling, loving on and literally fighting for the lives of these women, so that they may know that 1. they are not a commodity, they are daughters of a Greater King 2. They are loved beyond the confines of this world. How easy do you think it would be to convey this to a young girl who has been sold to be a sex toy for perverted men at a young age? My cousin is literally charging the gates of hell, and I believe that whether or not you even believe in God or a higher being, you have to admit that this sex trafficking is just evil at its worst.
Did I mention that safety is non-existent when taking in girls like these? We are talking about organized crime, and unlike drugs, these girls can bring in infinite amounts of money, because they can be reused until they are dead. So, if a young girl breaks free who was earning you upwards of (I'll ballpark it here) $1000 a day, do you think they might want her back, and would stop at nothing to get that child? Am I making you uncomfortable? I sure hope so, but you know what makes me uncomfortable, sitting here in my beautiful house writing on my computer hoping to open the eyes of anyone out there to the horrible truth, while my cousin risks her very life to give love and God's truth on the frontlines of spiritual battle.
Derek Webb was right, I cannot reach one lost soul that is being sold into sex slavery on my couch, my cousin will though. She has become like the ones she wants to save, cause that's still the way, He takes to the world. Please join me, in providing support to my cousin, through prayer (it is the MOST important) and financial support. Sending paper towels and batteries is really as easy as it sounds. Or, do you have an extra $25 to spare? Send it to the organization as a donation. A little or a lot goes a long way.
I hope you got my thought process, singing to ward of joy busters, singing Derek Webb to challenge your spiritual walk, Derek Webb reminding me that my cousin is being Jesus to the World, my cousin needing your prayers for safety, support, and encouragement, and ultimately to stop a one billion dollar industry created by satan himself. Yeah... that all make since right?
Thanks for hanging in there with me friends!
First, I will start off with admitting that I can be a huge spiritual snob sometimes. What is that? Someone who does not like to give simple church answers to questions, I like to give deep philosophical answers that are SO deep... haha, but seriously I totally got humbled three weekends ago. I was visiting my mom and dad's Sunday school class at church and one of the topics of the discussion was Joy and Joy "busters" (a joy buster being someone/thing that takes away/destroys our joy) and the teacher asked that class what they can do to deal with "joy busters." As I was sitting there in my chair thinking about how we can meditate on God's word and focus on all the good things He has done for us (as you can previously read, I'm big on remembering:)) This lady in the front row said, "I like to sing!" To which the teacher responded with an affirmative towards the lady. Here comes the spiritual snob thought that I am sooooooo ashamed that I thought (I did not say it out loud, only to you right now!): "Singing? What are we in kindergarten? Who really sings when they are upset? C'mon lady, you are like, older, can't you do better than singing????" I am really so embarrassed of myself sometimes... God is so good, tho, He's really into redeeming things. Cut to the next paragraph and about two weeks later...
So about two weeks later, Tim and I get into a little, small, teensy-tiny,"tiff" one morning over the phone and the conversation does not end well and its time for me to take a shower. I did not want to spend the day with my "joy busted" so, do you know what I did?? I brought my ipod into the bathroom and found Derek Webb on my playlist and listened to the CD "She Must and Shall Go Free" and SANG in the shower!!! Do you know what happened? Joy Buster DIVERTED!! HAhaha, I can be so foolish. Here I was thinking that if you can just sit down and focus on God, do you know how hard it is to just sit down and focus? Takes forever for me, and in the process sometimes I just end up focusing on Tim and how mad I am at him! Do you know how easy it is to focus on the Lord when wonderful music is filling the room with praises to Him?? So easy! So, I admit my haughtiness and confess of pride and repent, leaving it hear on this post on the internet... But... Derek Webb leads me to my next paragraph and thought...
So, ever since listening to "She must and Shall go free" that day, I can't get enough of that CD. In fact, if you have been wondering where all my cool quotes have been coming from on my facebook, they have not been my original idea (I wish) they are Derek Webb's and whoever else helped him write those songs. This CD is challenging, in a good way, my friends. Its kind of like, the words are the medicine, and the music is the sugar that helps make it go down! (thank you Mary Poppins) This CD came out "03/"04ish and I mean it could still be re-released today and I feel be just as powerful. I challenge you to get the album from wherever and listen to the songs and the lyrics and really let what he is singing seep in. I mean even today, I can't get enough, listening to it in the shower! (I do want to put a disclaimer in just so you know, two things about Derek Webb and the CD if you are serious about listening to some serious Christian music: 1. Derek Webb is a Calvinist and I believe that comes through in his lyrics, there is nothing wrong with Calvinism, you can look it up yourself, but I just think you should know, and 2. Um, some of the language is strong, in that manner I mean, he uses the word whore on the regular, mainly to describe himself and the church in the light of God's unfailing Goodness. If that kind of language is offensive to you, it's the same way that God refers to Israel in the old testament, then this is not the CD for you.) Good, disclaimer made, however, today I was thinking about my cousin Brenda as I was listening to the lyrics, here they are, some of my favorites:
"Like the Three in One, know you must become what you want to save, cause that's still the way, He takes to the world..."
Challenged yet? If you aren't well... anyway, why it reminded me of my cousin is that she is working for and organization that rescues females who have been sex trafficked. Don't know what that is or what that means? I did not even know this existed until about a couple of years ago myself. You know, we think that when women go missing they were probably killed, sometimes death would be better than what happens to these poor souls. Go to Brenda's Tumblir link I have posted for you, she has all kinds of info on sex trafficking, but in a breakdown, here is what I can tell you it is: 1.Young women are sold continuously into prostitution, drugged, and beaten everyday of their lives. 2. It is evil, and I am almost certain Satan himself is the head of these organizations.
My Beautiful cousin Brenda has become like those she wants to save, no she is not being sex trafficked, she is working at a house and counseling, loving on and literally fighting for the lives of these women, so that they may know that 1. they are not a commodity, they are daughters of a Greater King 2. They are loved beyond the confines of this world. How easy do you think it would be to convey this to a young girl who has been sold to be a sex toy for perverted men at a young age? My cousin is literally charging the gates of hell, and I believe that whether or not you even believe in God or a higher being, you have to admit that this sex trafficking is just evil at its worst.
Did I mention that safety is non-existent when taking in girls like these? We are talking about organized crime, and unlike drugs, these girls can bring in infinite amounts of money, because they can be reused until they are dead. So, if a young girl breaks free who was earning you upwards of (I'll ballpark it here) $1000 a day, do you think they might want her back, and would stop at nothing to get that child? Am I making you uncomfortable? I sure hope so, but you know what makes me uncomfortable, sitting here in my beautiful house writing on my computer hoping to open the eyes of anyone out there to the horrible truth, while my cousin risks her very life to give love and God's truth on the frontlines of spiritual battle.
Derek Webb was right, I cannot reach one lost soul that is being sold into sex slavery on my couch, my cousin will though. She has become like the ones she wants to save, cause that's still the way, He takes to the world. Please join me, in providing support to my cousin, through prayer (it is the MOST important) and financial support. Sending paper towels and batteries is really as easy as it sounds. Or, do you have an extra $25 to spare? Send it to the organization as a donation. A little or a lot goes a long way.
I hope you got my thought process, singing to ward of joy busters, singing Derek Webb to challenge your spiritual walk, Derek Webb reminding me that my cousin is being Jesus to the World, my cousin needing your prayers for safety, support, and encouragement, and ultimately to stop a one billion dollar industry created by satan himself. Yeah... that all make since right?
Thanks for hanging in there with me friends!
Thursday, March 24, 2011
A General Musing...
To my friend Rachel who is getting married soon, I am sorry I put your blog title as the title for my post, but it really is a general musing today.
That is me on my wedding day. No, today is not my anniversary and I will not be writing about my wedding or marriage or anything like that...
I just wanted to put a reminder out there for all the internet and me to see, how really, really good I looked at one time. Vain? I don't think so, and maybe its because you don't know how much I really need to remind myself of things sometimes.
Do you lose sight of things sometimes? Isn't it nice to go back and look at pictures and remind yourself of things, sometimes?
The child in that picture was a very scared young lady. I had lived under my parents roof all the way up until I got married. I had never lived by myself, much less try to share a residence with a young man. But I SO looked forward to the future with bright eyes and great expectations. Do I still do that?
Tough question to ask and answer.
Here is to bright eyes and hoping for a wonderful future and remembering that God will take us forward, whether or not we are wearing a beautiful white dress that we hand-picked out for a special day!
That is me on my wedding day. No, today is not my anniversary and I will not be writing about my wedding or marriage or anything like that...
I just wanted to put a reminder out there for all the internet and me to see, how really, really good I looked at one time. Vain? I don't think so, and maybe its because you don't know how much I really need to remind myself of things sometimes.
Do you lose sight of things sometimes? Isn't it nice to go back and look at pictures and remind yourself of things, sometimes?
The child in that picture was a very scared young lady. I had lived under my parents roof all the way up until I got married. I had never lived by myself, much less try to share a residence with a young man. But I SO looked forward to the future with bright eyes and great expectations. Do I still do that?
Tough question to ask and answer.
Here is to bright eyes and hoping for a wonderful future and remembering that God will take us forward, whether or not we are wearing a beautiful white dress that we hand-picked out for a special day!
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Come Thou Fount
Since I quit last November, people ask me all the time what I am up to these days. What do I do to fill in those 40-60 hours a week that I was normally spending doing my job?? And that answer to that question is... I don't know? I mean, I can tell you I do not sit around my house all day and do nothing. I could go into a list of things I do, but then I would just feel like I was trying to justify myself to you. I was volunteering at the church, but then I had to take a good look at my life. I was running around trying to do everything I could not only to be busy but to be a good and active member of the church, and one day, I just wound up unhappy and tired and miserable and crying at my friend Emily's house wondering why I feel like a terrible person. And here is what she said to me:
"You have the good girl syndrome..."
And there was a good and amazing conversation that happened after that. I believe I probably have struggled with that all of my life. The problem is, with us good girls. We want so much to DO things for the Lord, we forget to live life WITH God. I know you think that is silly because if you are doing something for God, you must be doing it with Him right? All I can say is that sometimes in my desire to do, I forget as to whom I am doing it for, and I hope I am not the only Christian on this planet that has done that, because if I am, that is so sad...
So, I have taken a step back and started to do things WITH God that I have not been doing that are very basic, for example, reading my Bible. Seriously, I will admit, I neglected it. Not proud of that, nor am I really happy with myself I admitted this on the internet. Moving forward... I started in Judges, I don't know why I just felt a need to read the Old Testament, and the only reason I know that I am reading where I need to be is when I am reading I feel like I am drinking in every word and I can't get enough. Loving these Old Testament stories. So then I come to 1Samuel and I read this Passage
"Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer (which means stone of help) saying "Thus far has the Lord helped us."
Now, this is where Come Thou Fount Comes in. Come Thou Fount (of Every Blessing) is one of my favorite hymns only tying with Amazing Grace. I have loved to sing the words of this song, I look forward to it whenever I hear the intro. But here I have been singing it for most of my life and not knowing half the lyrics is unacceptable. This hymn is chalk full of Biblical references and here is the Ebenezer reference, right in 1 Samuel. Which got me thinking...
Samuel raised his Ebenezer when he won a HUGE battle, the first of the many battles he won as a judge of Israel. When do I raise my Ebenezer? When was the last time, I looked to God and said "Hither by thy help I've come!!" The first Ebenezer in any Christian's life is Salvation, for Salvation is from the Lord. There have been many Ebenezer's in my life. I don't want to name them, cause I'm sure you have Ebenezer's too. But in the Old Testament, the judges were always putting up literal images of reminders of where God had brought/helped them. That they may never forget, still seems as if Israel had a bad case of amnesia anyway.
All in all, this has taught me that, I need to raise Ebenezer's in my life. I need to be more intentional about remembering and having some type of literal image to raise when I can recognize a time where God Helped me. I want to build my life around God and the reminders of where He has brought me, because to be embarrassing honest, I guess I suffer from amnesia a lot myself. Because the next time I sing those beautiful lyrics "Here I raise my Ebenezer, hither by thy help I've come!" I want to be able to pin-point the most recent victory in a hard fought spiritual fight. Something just to chew on today friends!
"You have the good girl syndrome..."
And there was a good and amazing conversation that happened after that. I believe I probably have struggled with that all of my life. The problem is, with us good girls. We want so much to DO things for the Lord, we forget to live life WITH God. I know you think that is silly because if you are doing something for God, you must be doing it with Him right? All I can say is that sometimes in my desire to do, I forget as to whom I am doing it for, and I hope I am not the only Christian on this planet that has done that, because if I am, that is so sad...
So, I have taken a step back and started to do things WITH God that I have not been doing that are very basic, for example, reading my Bible. Seriously, I will admit, I neglected it. Not proud of that, nor am I really happy with myself I admitted this on the internet. Moving forward... I started in Judges, I don't know why I just felt a need to read the Old Testament, and the only reason I know that I am reading where I need to be is when I am reading I feel like I am drinking in every word and I can't get enough. Loving these Old Testament stories. So then I come to 1Samuel and I read this Passage
"Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer (which means stone of help) saying "Thus far has the Lord helped us."
Now, this is where Come Thou Fount Comes in. Come Thou Fount (of Every Blessing) is one of my favorite hymns only tying with Amazing Grace. I have loved to sing the words of this song, I look forward to it whenever I hear the intro. But here I have been singing it for most of my life and not knowing half the lyrics is unacceptable. This hymn is chalk full of Biblical references and here is the Ebenezer reference, right in 1 Samuel. Which got me thinking...
Samuel raised his Ebenezer when he won a HUGE battle, the first of the many battles he won as a judge of Israel. When do I raise my Ebenezer? When was the last time, I looked to God and said "Hither by thy help I've come!!" The first Ebenezer in any Christian's life is Salvation, for Salvation is from the Lord. There have been many Ebenezer's in my life. I don't want to name them, cause I'm sure you have Ebenezer's too. But in the Old Testament, the judges were always putting up literal images of reminders of where God had brought/helped them. That they may never forget, still seems as if Israel had a bad case of amnesia anyway.
All in all, this has taught me that, I need to raise Ebenezer's in my life. I need to be more intentional about remembering and having some type of literal image to raise when I can recognize a time where God Helped me. I want to build my life around God and the reminders of where He has brought me, because to be embarrassing honest, I guess I suffer from amnesia a lot myself. Because the next time I sing those beautiful lyrics "Here I raise my Ebenezer, hither by thy help I've come!" I want to be able to pin-point the most recent victory in a hard fought spiritual fight. Something just to chew on today friends!
Monday, February 21, 2011
May or May not...
For those of you reading this, I am participating in my friend Emily's blog where you can post a link on her blog to your blog... Its kind of like a fun game. All this to say, for family, this is not like a life-changing blog:)
So I may or may not cry a lot more than usual these days. I can't help it. When I hear a heart felt story on the news about a war hero (pick a war, any war, if they are a vet, I'm all for them:)) or football (yes, football makes me cry) I'm ballin. I just watched an episode of Off the Map on hulu and I teared up. I cry when you talk about babies, I cry when you talk about missing your family. I cry about anything. And not like pity party cry, just... its like I have extra emotion and crying is the way it gets out. I don't know. I'm not really proud of this fact. Its actually kind of embarrassing. I'm in church and the pastor is playing a story about a football team and I'm just ballin like a baby and I can't stop! Here's to a time in my life when I can't stop laughin, but until then, if you see me shed some tears, have no fear, its just me lettin out a bit of extra emotion:)
So I may or may not cry a lot more than usual these days. I can't help it. When I hear a heart felt story on the news about a war hero (pick a war, any war, if they are a vet, I'm all for them:)) or football (yes, football makes me cry) I'm ballin. I just watched an episode of Off the Map on hulu and I teared up. I cry when you talk about babies, I cry when you talk about missing your family. I cry about anything. And not like pity party cry, just... its like I have extra emotion and crying is the way it gets out. I don't know. I'm not really proud of this fact. Its actually kind of embarrassing. I'm in church and the pastor is playing a story about a football team and I'm just ballin like a baby and I can't stop! Here's to a time in my life when I can't stop laughin, but until then, if you see me shed some tears, have no fear, its just me lettin out a bit of extra emotion:)
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Bible Stories
Have I ever told you that I am amazing at Bible trivia?? I mean, this is not something that I am bragging about, this is just a fact about me. I love all the cool things that are in the Bible. I love that God made a donkey talk to a rouge prophet in the old testament. I love how Elijah never died, he just went on up to Heaven in a chariot of fire... I mean, basically since I can remember I have been in Sunday school, every kind of Vacation Bible School, Bible Drill, Wednesday night Bible study... You name it, if the doors were open at the church, best be assured that my mother and father had me and my brothers and sister there to learn something (or maybe just to get out of their hair... duel purposes, right?) I also home- schooled for a few short years, and I watched my school on video. My Bible teacher was Mr. Bowman. I'm definitely sure I will see him in Heaven one day, because He taught me A LOT about the Bible, and I will need to thank him, he did such a good job, even on video:) I love all Bible stories, and I love re-learning them as an adult, because as a child, the wonder of hearing about Jonah in the Whale makes you worship at such a wonderful God that can work out those miracles. But as an adult, realizing that I tend to act like Jonah a lot, and worshiping at the miracle that God would still use me is so Beautiful.
All this to say that through the past year into this year, I have two Bible stories that I am really in love with. The first story is about the twelve spies of Israel who were supposed to go into the land of Canaan and give a report back to Israel of what they saw. You can read the whole story in Numbers 13. Basically, the premise is: God has given the Israelites the land of Canaan. It is their Promised Land. God tells the Israelites to gather some men from the tribes to go and check out all the awesomeness He has waiting for the Israelites just across the Jordan. Twelve spies go out, and they do see all the awesomeness, but they also see big giants and fortified cities that look impossible to defeat. Long story short, 10 of the spies say Israel should go and RE-SUBMIT themselves to slavery in Egypt. While only two spies trust God enough that He is going to hand this Promised Land to the Israelites on a silver platter. Needless to say, Israel sided with the 10 spies, and almost mutinied to over-throw Moses and go back to Egypt.
Why do I identify SO much with the Israelites? I don't want to, I wish I was like Joshua and Caleb and I just trust God. The Israelites operated out of fear 9 out of 10 times in the Old Testament. I mean, let me remind you that God was literally with the Israelites leading them as a cloud by day and a pillar of FIRE by night. They knew God. They walked on dry ground as they crossed the Dead Sea, and they SAW God part the waters. They saw God basically demolish Egypt (THE superpower of its time) with 12 plagues, and yet once again they doubt that God could come through for them again. They feared death in war, they feared they would be enslaved to these pagan peoples, even though God PROMISED the land to them. Their fear swallowed their faith in the most High. So, because of that, they did not get to step one foot into the Most awesome and fertile land. They spent the rest of their lives wandering a desert of dry lifelessness and wastelands, which I sure God designed to let them know that, that is what their hearts must have looked liked.
Is that what my heart looks like? Do I turn to fear instead of faith when my life is called into action by God? How many deserts have I actually chose to wander instead of take faith and travel to the Promised Land?
Once again, I am afraid of the answers to those questions.
Life was easier in the desert. It says in the Bible that the Israelites shoes or clothing were never worn in. They were personally fed by God manna and quail. But, all but two Israelites died of pointlessly wandering through this life. Walking zombies? They never fulfilled their true callings nor were they ever privy to see God in a way they did back in the days of Egypt. They just wandered till their death.
Lord, will I wander till I die? Will I ever defeat the constant fear that pulls me in my life? Will I die a walking zombie, never truly knowing my calling in this life?
The questions are ever in my mind...
There is good news though. Its another favorite Bible story of mine. Its in Joshua six. Its when the old generation of zombies dies. And the new generation is closer to God as ever, not wanting to die in the desert, they trust God and desire to take their Promised Land that they Trust the Lord has given them. Can you feel the excitement as they march around Jericho? Can you feel their hearts racing as they know this is the start of a new life for them? Even now I tear up as I think about being their the moment that the Lord commands them to shout for victory... even BEFORE the walls fell. Joshua and those Israelites witnessed first hand the Lord completely demolish a city. Not one Israelite died, but all in Jericho were destroyed (accept for Rahab and her family). The Israelites did not defeat the city by shouting, the only reason for the shouting was to PRAISE the Lord for the victory, because they Trusted and had Faith they He would deliver that city. And then, first hand, they SAW the Lord give them that city.
Oh how my heart desires to live that life. To trust instead of turn away. To find faith instead of fear. To live free instead of enslaving myself. God only knows how much I need Jericho. God only knows how much it means to me to have such a redemptive story.
And one day, He will wipe my tears away as I step into my Jericho and walk the land He has Promised me. That will be my story, and my song, Praising my Savior all the Day long...
All this to say that through the past year into this year, I have two Bible stories that I am really in love with. The first story is about the twelve spies of Israel who were supposed to go into the land of Canaan and give a report back to Israel of what they saw. You can read the whole story in Numbers 13. Basically, the premise is: God has given the Israelites the land of Canaan. It is their Promised Land. God tells the Israelites to gather some men from the tribes to go and check out all the awesomeness He has waiting for the Israelites just across the Jordan. Twelve spies go out, and they do see all the awesomeness, but they also see big giants and fortified cities that look impossible to defeat. Long story short, 10 of the spies say Israel should go and RE-SUBMIT themselves to slavery in Egypt. While only two spies trust God enough that He is going to hand this Promised Land to the Israelites on a silver platter. Needless to say, Israel sided with the 10 spies, and almost mutinied to over-throw Moses and go back to Egypt.
Why do I identify SO much with the Israelites? I don't want to, I wish I was like Joshua and Caleb and I just trust God. The Israelites operated out of fear 9 out of 10 times in the Old Testament. I mean, let me remind you that God was literally with the Israelites leading them as a cloud by day and a pillar of FIRE by night. They knew God. They walked on dry ground as they crossed the Dead Sea, and they SAW God part the waters. They saw God basically demolish Egypt (THE superpower of its time) with 12 plagues, and yet once again they doubt that God could come through for them again. They feared death in war, they feared they would be enslaved to these pagan peoples, even though God PROMISED the land to them. Their fear swallowed their faith in the most High. So, because of that, they did not get to step one foot into the Most awesome and fertile land. They spent the rest of their lives wandering a desert of dry lifelessness and wastelands, which I sure God designed to let them know that, that is what their hearts must have looked liked.
Is that what my heart looks like? Do I turn to fear instead of faith when my life is called into action by God? How many deserts have I actually chose to wander instead of take faith and travel to the Promised Land?
Once again, I am afraid of the answers to those questions.
Life was easier in the desert. It says in the Bible that the Israelites shoes or clothing were never worn in. They were personally fed by God manna and quail. But, all but two Israelites died of pointlessly wandering through this life. Walking zombies? They never fulfilled their true callings nor were they ever privy to see God in a way they did back in the days of Egypt. They just wandered till their death.
Lord, will I wander till I die? Will I ever defeat the constant fear that pulls me in my life? Will I die a walking zombie, never truly knowing my calling in this life?
The questions are ever in my mind...
There is good news though. Its another favorite Bible story of mine. Its in Joshua six. Its when the old generation of zombies dies. And the new generation is closer to God as ever, not wanting to die in the desert, they trust God and desire to take their Promised Land that they Trust the Lord has given them. Can you feel the excitement as they march around Jericho? Can you feel their hearts racing as they know this is the start of a new life for them? Even now I tear up as I think about being their the moment that the Lord commands them to shout for victory... even BEFORE the walls fell. Joshua and those Israelites witnessed first hand the Lord completely demolish a city. Not one Israelite died, but all in Jericho were destroyed (accept for Rahab and her family). The Israelites did not defeat the city by shouting, the only reason for the shouting was to PRAISE the Lord for the victory, because they Trusted and had Faith they He would deliver that city. And then, first hand, they SAW the Lord give them that city.
Oh how my heart desires to live that life. To trust instead of turn away. To find faith instead of fear. To live free instead of enslaving myself. God only knows how much I need Jericho. God only knows how much it means to me to have such a redemptive story.
And one day, He will wipe my tears away as I step into my Jericho and walk the land He has Promised me. That will be my story, and my song, Praising my Savior all the Day long...
Friday, February 4, 2011
Just Catching Up
So, I decided that I was going to update this sucker, mostly because it kind of bothers me thinking that I have this blog out there that is highly out-dated. I just read my cousin Amy's blog and she stated she would not comment on how long it has been since she has blogged, she is a better person than me. The reason why I have not blogged since September 2010...
I did not feel like it.
Things happened, so its not like my life has been so boring that there is nothing to write about, I just have not really been in the mood. And blogger kind of freaked out on me and my background went all whack... and I am not an expert at this stuff, but my friend Jacque just told me the other day that she updated her blog, and I thought...
Good idea!
So here we go. In November of 2010 I quit my job at Devereux on the 19th, which was one of the hardest things I have done in my life, not that I loved the job too terribly, but I loved my co-workers and many of the families that I was working with. But Tim and I really felt that God was calling me to leave the work force, and so I did. On Nov. 20th, Tim and I left for a Holiday extravaganza as we spent Thanksgiving with the Fam in New Hampshire. In 9 days we happened to visit three states (New Hampshire, New Jersey, and New York)We got to see the inside of Tim's sister's new home, which is gorgeous and she even cooked us a small feast while we were there to visit. We also visited with Tim's grandparents in New Jersey as we were able to assist in helping them with a mammoth yard sale as they prepare to move from their residence they have lived in for 30 years. We did take pic's but they are on Tim's phone, I am so awful at this! Thinking that we put the coldest weather behind us after leaving New Hampshire, we then sojourned to GA this year for Christmas (no surprises like the awesome one we did last year) It was in GA, that for the first time in like forever, that we had a White Christmas. And I don't mean like snow that falls then melts on the ground, no, it looked beautiful blanketing the ground, the trees, and houses. As beautiful as snow is, it does not fool me. It is cold and wet, so I did not play in it, but Tim and the boys did. I think we have pic's but once again, on Tim's phone:( I also found out that we would be adding another beautiful baby girl to our family as my brother and sister (in-law) announced that they were going to be having a girl in May.... YEAH!!!!! I can't wait so see that little thing wrap my big bro around her little finger. It was good seeing family and I surely enjoyed being with them on Christmas.
New Years was amazing as my friends Jacque and Noelle came to visit with their husbands, so much fun when your friends literally marry your husbands friends. So the madness of the New Years weekend ensued. Basically, we went to a Japanese steakhouse then came home and danced in the street as our neighbors shot off fireworks over the lake we live near... So surreal and fun.
This first pic is just a good one of me and Tim:)
This second one would be of me and my girls;)
Sadly all my friends had to leave shortly after New Years to resume their normal lives, as did Tim and I... But wait, I don't work! What do I do now???
There is no way to simply answer that question, because the point of me quitting was not to fill in those 40 hours a week with more work. That would get us right back to where we started. When I am not horribly under the weather like I am right now, I try to exercise at least three times a week. I plan meals and grocery shop, clean my house, hang out with Tim and do fun things that I am hoping enrich our marriage... I read a lot, so if you have any good book suggestions (preferably a book I could get at the library or borrow from you!) I'm up for it, for now I have been raiding my friend Emily's books collection which is quite expansive and I am happy that she is willing to put books out on loan for me! I clean a lot, having a dog that sheds like there is no tomorrow. And out house is always open for guests and so far we've had a pretty good flux of visitors and that makes me super happy cause I love to host down here in O-town... Oh yeah, and I volunteer at the church, which is super exciting as I have been longing to do that for quite some time, but did not have the actual time to do so.
This blog was long and no very funny or whitty like I normally have with not many pic's. So I apologize it it not quite up to snuff, but I can promise that I will update more and have more fun or insightful things to read.
Love you all!!
I did not feel like it.
Things happened, so its not like my life has been so boring that there is nothing to write about, I just have not really been in the mood. And blogger kind of freaked out on me and my background went all whack... and I am not an expert at this stuff, but my friend Jacque just told me the other day that she updated her blog, and I thought...
Good idea!
So here we go. In November of 2010 I quit my job at Devereux on the 19th, which was one of the hardest things I have done in my life, not that I loved the job too terribly, but I loved my co-workers and many of the families that I was working with. But Tim and I really felt that God was calling me to leave the work force, and so I did. On Nov. 20th, Tim and I left for a Holiday extravaganza as we spent Thanksgiving with the Fam in New Hampshire. In 9 days we happened to visit three states (New Hampshire, New Jersey, and New York)We got to see the inside of Tim's sister's new home, which is gorgeous and she even cooked us a small feast while we were there to visit. We also visited with Tim's grandparents in New Jersey as we were able to assist in helping them with a mammoth yard sale as they prepare to move from their residence they have lived in for 30 years. We did take pic's but they are on Tim's phone, I am so awful at this! Thinking that we put the coldest weather behind us after leaving New Hampshire, we then sojourned to GA this year for Christmas (no surprises like the awesome one we did last year) It was in GA, that for the first time in like forever, that we had a White Christmas. And I don't mean like snow that falls then melts on the ground, no, it looked beautiful blanketing the ground, the trees, and houses. As beautiful as snow is, it does not fool me. It is cold and wet, so I did not play in it, but Tim and the boys did. I think we have pic's but once again, on Tim's phone:( I also found out that we would be adding another beautiful baby girl to our family as my brother and sister (in-law) announced that they were going to be having a girl in May.... YEAH!!!!! I can't wait so see that little thing wrap my big bro around her little finger. It was good seeing family and I surely enjoyed being with them on Christmas.
New Years was amazing as my friends Jacque and Noelle came to visit with their husbands, so much fun when your friends literally marry your husbands friends. So the madness of the New Years weekend ensued. Basically, we went to a Japanese steakhouse then came home and danced in the street as our neighbors shot off fireworks over the lake we live near... So surreal and fun.
This first pic is just a good one of me and Tim:)
This second one would be of me and my girls;)
Sadly all my friends had to leave shortly after New Years to resume their normal lives, as did Tim and I... But wait, I don't work! What do I do now???
There is no way to simply answer that question, because the point of me quitting was not to fill in those 40 hours a week with more work. That would get us right back to where we started. When I am not horribly under the weather like I am right now, I try to exercise at least three times a week. I plan meals and grocery shop, clean my house, hang out with Tim and do fun things that I am hoping enrich our marriage... I read a lot, so if you have any good book suggestions (preferably a book I could get at the library or borrow from you!) I'm up for it, for now I have been raiding my friend Emily's books collection which is quite expansive and I am happy that she is willing to put books out on loan for me! I clean a lot, having a dog that sheds like there is no tomorrow. And out house is always open for guests and so far we've had a pretty good flux of visitors and that makes me super happy cause I love to host down here in O-town... Oh yeah, and I volunteer at the church, which is super exciting as I have been longing to do that for quite some time, but did not have the actual time to do so.
This blog was long and no very funny or whitty like I normally have with not many pic's. So I apologize it it not quite up to snuff, but I can promise that I will update more and have more fun or insightful things to read.
Love you all!!
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