As many of you can see, I changed my blog... again, I'm trying to make it look like the way I feel about this site, cause it it important to me. It's important to me that I get to tell you about what I'm learning and doing, so I hope you like the new digs.
Feel free to tell me if you like or dislike (but be nice:)).
So, a lot of people have been asking me lately how I am feeling. I guess because pregnancy is so individual for so many people it is different for everyone. So, when I really have nothing to say that is crazy different about it, most people seem happy cause that means I am not feeling nauseous or puking.. well, I'll get to that, but I do have a lot to say about this thing called pregnancy. So, I hope this is helpful for all kinds of people, or maybe not at all, who knows?
Let me first start off by saying, everyday of my life I am totally shocked that I am having a baby. I know that most of you know that this was a planned pregnancy, its not like I wasn't going for gold or anything, I just really can't believe there was success, and for more than one reason, but the main reason being, I can't really believe that God put the OK on me and Tim to have kids, its kind of crazy! Now, if you ask Tim, he would say that we are totally a good couple to have kids, which I agree with him, but... Sometimes I do wonder about us. I consider it a huge honor to be here, seriously, being a parent is probably the hardest thing I will ever do in my life, and I've done some hard things (for me, mind you:)) Tim and I were actually on the beach last night, having communion on the sand with our church after some beach Baptisms, and Tim started thanking the Lord for our baby. And my only thought was..."Holy crap, I can't believe we are thanking God for a baby, we are going to have a baby!!!!" I know, I should really be wrapping my head around this idea, but once again, I never thought I would ever get married, much less have a baby, really, so the fact that we are here right now, and I'm only 25, it's pretty incredible. And I am totally blessed.
How do I feel? At its worst, my pregnancy has been uncomfortable. Some people might be hating me for this, but hey, if you haven't had kids yet, then this might be encouraging. I kid you not, there was no morning sickness, no nausea, no nothing. I kept asking the doctors and my poor mother, are you sure I'm pregnant? Because for the first 12 weeks, I had nothing to go on, other than a positive pregnancy test. It was kind of scary, but I was really thankful for no vomiting, cause, in my lifetime, I have gotten sick a lot and have vomited a lot more than a normal person should, mainly due to the fact that I can catch stomach flu from a mile away. Seriously. I am really susceptible to that stuff. And if you don't believe me, look at the Christmas card my mom sent out last year, everyone looking nice and refreshed, and I look a little busted and mad that we are taking this picture? Its cause I was throwing up everything in my stomach from the previous night... Merry Christmas... moving on...
So, I am thankful for no nausea and vomiting, but what else has been new with this? I didn't even know my belly button could stretch the way it has, and it is only half way there. It already freaks me out. I used to have this beautifully cute inny.. and now... it just looks like a huge circle with a bump on my stomach. And when those muscles are stretching as they grow... forget it. The only way I can handle that is by pushing in on my belly button. I do not like that thing messed with in the first place, and all this pregnancy has done is mess with my belly button! It's like pregnancy knows how to make you uncomfortable in your least favorite ways... Then there's the fact that I have never been anemic (its like a blood thing, google it:)) my whole life, and now this child, that I love and can't wait to meet, has sucked all of my iron out of me... and now I must take supplements of iron! So when you are pregnant, not only must you take prenatals, but now my iron pills, and then because iron causes constipation, I must make sure I am getting an over amount of fiber in my diet...and it doesn't stop there...
Cause about week 18 in this deal, my stomach decided that all food that I eat must first stay in my esophagus and burn continuously before it is digested. So, now whenever I eat, whatever I eat, my dessert is always two-four (depending on the severity of the burning) berry-flavored tums... yum! But!! It helps and that is all that matters! You only have to stay awake for an hour trying to go to sleep swallowing indigestion before you go get you some berry-flavored Tums! PS. thank you sister for introducing me to the berry-flavored ones, they taste much better than the normal ones:). So now, I take prenatals, iron, extra fiber something, and Tums, lots of Tums...
There are other things too, almost every night since this journey began I have been waking up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. The baby sits low, very low. So low, it fooled the doctor one time when we were trying to find the heart beat! So, the baby had control over my bladder, yep I said that right, the BABY has control over MY bladder! Don't believe me? One little repositioning of that cute little sucker and I feel like I have to go like there is no tomorrow, only to then rush to the nearest bathroom (and if you go to our church, you know that that is not small feat) just to sit there and almost nothing come out... Nice little one, good trick you play on mom... And because this is a public blog, and I might have a male read this (doubt it, but there is a possibility), I like to keep things classy, but if you have any questions about boobs, well, lets just say I have a lot to tell you, its quite cool/unreal what happens to these suckers... But I haven't gotten to the best part yet...
This little thing inside of me moves!!! I mean, it moves like crazy! Once again, just like his/her father! So precious to be sitting watching tv or relaxing during the day and feel weird little movements inside that are not coming from my own personal organs. But from another little life that I get to carry. Still trying to convince my brain it is not gas, cause that is what it kind of feels like, so sometimes when little one start to move my body thinks I should go to the bathroom. It's all a bunch of mind games!
So, there you have it, I did not and have not felt sick at all this entire time. I have to take iron or else I sleep all the time and am super tired, my intake of fiber has increased 500%, my belly button hurts, I have no bladder control due to my child sitting on it :), and the best parts of my days are feeling this little one move inside of me. That is how I really feel about pregnancy. Oh yeah, and I still can't believe I am pregnant, writing a blog about pregnancy. Its pretty crazy/cool.
Hope this lets you in on my life as it is right now, I'll keep you posted if there are any major changes in the third trimester:)
LA
Monday, May 23, 2011
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Oh, Mother!
This is the picture of the girls in my family. My Immediate family. I have a picture of all the girls on my mom's side of the family, however, I need my cousin to upload the pictures on something other than facebook, long story. Anyway, for those who know me very well, you know that I love, adore my family. I think the world of all of them, and I may, at times talk about all of them like super women. My grandmother married my grandfather at a young age, and was called out by God to start a godly family. Which began a legacy of strong Chrisitan families. She is truly a Matriarch. My mom and Aunt's are amazing Matriarch's in training. And I could go on out my sisters and "cousins' however, we all view each other as sisters, cousins just does not describe the relationship we have with each other. But since Sunday is mother's day, this one is for you Mama!
There are a million reasons why my mom is amazing. One being she had four children, my older sister being ten years older than my younger brother. So, basically, my mom had kids for ten years. That is so awesome, kind of wears me out thinking about it! I also admire my mom because, without getting any formal education, we has been able to achieve, and quite successfully a lot of things in her life that most people say you can't do without a college education. Seriously, when I start to think and give myself excuses about why I can't do something or how I'm not qualified, I just think about my mom, and all she has done with her life, she never made excuses for herself, if she wants to get something done, then she will.
I also admire my mom because she didn't just raise her children to go to church. That's kind of easy, I know a lot of people that know how to get to a church on Sunday. But she raised her children to live pure lives, to love God and have a relationship with Him, and desire to live a life glorifying to Him. I mean, I know I have messed up in my life, and I've done some pretty stupid things. But what got me through my tough rebelious times in life was first my relationship with the Lord and just listening to Him loving call me back to His arms into His will, but also my family challenging my decisions and calling me out on my walk. My mom did that to me a lot, and I kind of did not like her for it a lot, but I'm glad she did, she was my spiritual thermometer and I appreciate that more now than ever.
My mom is also amazing because she never gave up on mine and her relationship. You don't know this either, but for most of my life, communication was just not our thing. At all, I mean, we would get into fights and then realize we were saying the same thing. I don't know, all I can say is that when I looked at my mom and sister and saw how they related to each other, I wondered why me and mom couldn't be like that. But she never gave up. She would take me on shopping trips, she drove me to everywhere in the world (mainly for cheerleading), she would come into my room at any time to try to talk to me (have to say, most of the time I was not feeling that!). But she did not give up! Every chance she had to be alone with me and see what's going on, she did. And trust me, because of cheerleading there were SO many times we were in the car together! And she supported me in everything. I mean, I did cheerleading, its quite foreign to a a family who follows my brother's baseball, football, and basketball games. But she was there! (and if she couldn't be, she would send my brother-in-law to watch, shout out to Joey for being at all of my freshmen games!!) I mean, talk about A for effort! Did it pay off for my mother? You tell me...
She is one of my best friends, I miss her like crazy, all the time. I call her on Wed's and we get to catch up on life mid-way through the week. She tells me not to freak out about being a mother, she says I'll do great (were all at least hopeful for now:)) We love shoe shopping together, and I do have to say I have found some awesome shoes for her! One day, (I think it happened when my brain fully developed:)) things just clicked with us. Years of trying and effort paid off. Me and mom talk openly and honestly with each other, with consideration for each others feelings and we let each other just be. I don't know when, how, why, but it happened, and I'm so thankful. No we don't see eye to eye on every issue, but that is ok, because I have a deep respect for my mother, and she respects me too.
Here's to you Momma, I love you, and I thank you for my life, and most importantly never giving up on finding that relationship with a different kind of daughter. :)
Monday, May 2, 2011
(Life) Lessons Learned
I got to take a long walk today. I live across the street from this amazingly beautiful natural lake, but you can't walk all the way around it, but the short section of our street that is by it, I save it for last. Its a reward for walking as much as I do, because when you round the bend and get a hit of the cool breeze blowing off the lake, and you get to gaze upon this gorgeous lake, you would understand why I save it for last... So I love my long walks because I get to do a lot of thinking and talking to God, and just pondering. And the things I pondered I thought I would tell you about. Things that I am learning. In life. And what to do with these things? Application is the key to all knowledge, it's Wisdom. So, here are some things that this Christian, mother-to-be, wife, daughter, sister, friend, and human is learning: (And in keeping with the Rule of Threes, or any good Baptist sermon, I have three main bullets, so I promise it won't be too long:))
1. Gratitude
My sister gave me a book about gratitude. I love it, unfortunately, I can't read it anymore (don't worry Jenn, I will pick it up again:)) because I feel so convicted about my ingratitude. Gratitude is a beautiful gift God gives us. It helps us to focus on the Lord and His Grace and Love, it prompts us to Thanksgiving, and it is fundamental to the Christian walk. Gratitude is the first thing we try to teach our children. It's not just about manners (although, being polite is apart of good character, I think...) It's about helping the children recognize that when they are given a gift, to acknowledge that Gift, and the Giver. If we were to do a pie graph of my prayers and make a slice for my portion that are prayers of Thanksgiving to God, and the portion that are requests to God, well, you would think that I missed out on my lesson of Gratitude. I get SO stressed out in my life focusing on things that I do not have or things I want, I very rarely look around at all that I am blessed with and just breath in and breath out a sigh of Thanksgiving and Praise. But I can tell you, that when I do, when I focus on the God of all creation and His many good and perfect gifts... I am in perfect peace. Mainly because I know at that moment, I am aligning myself with the Will of God, and that is to bring Him Glory and Praise... and it feels so good.
My application: As I round my final curve of my walk and see the Glorious lake singing the praises of the Most High. I join with it for a couple of moments... in perfect peace, being the creation I was meant to be.... Until my dog starts pulling at my leash, which leads me to my next point...
2. Trade-offs
What is a trade-off? If you paid attention in government class when you were in high school, you would have learned that, government happens because people are willing to "trade off" a certain amount of freedom to the government so that the government, in return will protect the people. What?... Sorry, ok, for every decision that we make in life, we give up or post-pone certain things to attain another. For instance, I married my wonderful husband at a fairly young age. Because I did, I guess you could say I "gave up" or "delayed" certain things that I would like to do in life. I won't be visiting Europe anytime soon, I can't do as many "girls night outs" as I used to, I mean, I gave up my freedom as a single person very early. But!!! I gained a partner, husband, (lover...) someone that when I do get to do fun things, I can spend that time with HIM!! Which, when I do get to do fun things, I feel twice as fulfilled. Riley would be my next example, about two years ago, I was lonely at home and wanted a playmate (or a baby, either would do...) and so we went out and adopted Riley! I love my puppy, but getting a puppy means I am vacuuming hair balls, making sure he is exercised, spending money on dog food, and we can't just hop in the car for trips anymore, cause we have to think about the poor puppy spending the day in his pin... We gained so much in such a cute dog, but we also gave up some freedoms as well. So what do I learn from trade-offs??
(Application) Contentment. Being grateful for the things that I gain in my decisions, and focusing on how those things affect my life for the better, rather than focusing on the things that I gave up. What good would it be for me to try to think about my life, if only I had not taken out college loans? Well, I didn't, so let me focus on how those college loans were a way (I would suggest, though, finding another way to fund your education:)) to get a college education so that I could have worked the job that I did for two years which blessed me tremendously. Being content here in Orlando, instead of closing my heart to the good things that are here to offer...When I am content I let go of control... which leads me to my final lesson...
2. I am a CONTROL FREAK...
We probably all are in some way, but I am a huge one. Worse, I am a subtle control freak (otherwise known as a manipulator). It is awful. If you would let me, I would tell you what to wear (Bright colors, fun skirts and dresses, but keep it classy) I would tell you what shoes to wear (high heals). I would tell you where to live (next to me). I would tell you how to decorate your house (color! lots of it!). Probably the only thing I would not tell you what do to is how to cut your hair, cause I still can't figure out how mine should be cut, but give me some time and a celebrity magazine and I will find a haircut you should have...seriously its bad. I think I mean well, but I don't think you should be married to me. And poor husband, he is! He has had to deal with me for 5 years now (for those trying to do the math, I am counting when we first started dating, because yes, I started on Tim then...) I have been hinting, poking, prodding, "suggesting" that my poor man wear this, say that, do this, buy that, go here... I mean, I was just sitting on the airplane this morning almost in tears thinking about how much stress this man deals with, and then he has to come home with ME trying to have my way with him ALL THE TIME... I mean, I have good intentions, but you know what they say about those... And then, I worry. All the time. Do you know what I worry about? Everything that I cannot control. That makes up 99.9% of my life. Cause if you think about it, I can't even control if my hair stays in my head, that falls out whether or not I want it to! I can't even control the beautiful life that is growing inside of me! This child has done and will do as God pleases it, since conception, even I have no control over the very conception of my child!! (its not really my child either, this is God's child, that He has so graciously let me carry for now, but that's another lesson, and I will get to that later, maybe...) I am not even sure if I have control over the words that I type... all is given and can be taken away from us in an instant. Don't believe me? Ask those living in Alabama, N. GA, Tennessee and elsewhere in the country. Ask Japan. Ask Haiti. They don't even have control over the very piece of dirt their feet stand on. And yet, I choose to believe I have some say in something...What do I do???
Application: I was once told that recognizing you have a problem is the first step in recovery. I am a recovering control freak, and just like an alcoholic is always recovering from alcoholism (its a true fact, I double checked with AA) I probably will always be tempted to take control of my life (is that really possible?) and run with it. Today I prayed that God would move the knowledge that He is our sole Provider from my head to my heart, and that knowledge that He is good and Loves me will move from my head to my heart. Every time I start to worry about things, I pray that. And to show you how bad I am, I prayed that like almost 10 times in just my 1hr long walk. I'll probably have to pray it a lot tomorrow, and throughout my life. Maybe that is why the Bible says to Pray without ceasing. I guess that's what it means for me...
So, in closing, Expressing my Gratitude, Focusing on contentment and the good results of my decisions, and Praying without ceasing. I feel like those are a lot to learn and I have so many other things I need to learn before my beautiful child takes his/her first breath. Practice makes perfect, and I look forward to more lessons...
LA
1. Gratitude
My sister gave me a book about gratitude. I love it, unfortunately, I can't read it anymore (don't worry Jenn, I will pick it up again:)) because I feel so convicted about my ingratitude. Gratitude is a beautiful gift God gives us. It helps us to focus on the Lord and His Grace and Love, it prompts us to Thanksgiving, and it is fundamental to the Christian walk. Gratitude is the first thing we try to teach our children. It's not just about manners (although, being polite is apart of good character, I think...) It's about helping the children recognize that when they are given a gift, to acknowledge that Gift, and the Giver. If we were to do a pie graph of my prayers and make a slice for my portion that are prayers of Thanksgiving to God, and the portion that are requests to God, well, you would think that I missed out on my lesson of Gratitude. I get SO stressed out in my life focusing on things that I do not have or things I want, I very rarely look around at all that I am blessed with and just breath in and breath out a sigh of Thanksgiving and Praise. But I can tell you, that when I do, when I focus on the God of all creation and His many good and perfect gifts... I am in perfect peace. Mainly because I know at that moment, I am aligning myself with the Will of God, and that is to bring Him Glory and Praise... and it feels so good.
My application: As I round my final curve of my walk and see the Glorious lake singing the praises of the Most High. I join with it for a couple of moments... in perfect peace, being the creation I was meant to be.... Until my dog starts pulling at my leash, which leads me to my next point...
2. Trade-offs
What is a trade-off? If you paid attention in government class when you were in high school, you would have learned that, government happens because people are willing to "trade off" a certain amount of freedom to the government so that the government, in return will protect the people. What?... Sorry, ok, for every decision that we make in life, we give up or post-pone certain things to attain another. For instance, I married my wonderful husband at a fairly young age. Because I did, I guess you could say I "gave up" or "delayed" certain things that I would like to do in life. I won't be visiting Europe anytime soon, I can't do as many "girls night outs" as I used to, I mean, I gave up my freedom as a single person very early. But!!! I gained a partner, husband, (lover...) someone that when I do get to do fun things, I can spend that time with HIM!! Which, when I do get to do fun things, I feel twice as fulfilled. Riley would be my next example, about two years ago, I was lonely at home and wanted a playmate (or a baby, either would do...) and so we went out and adopted Riley! I love my puppy, but getting a puppy means I am vacuuming hair balls, making sure he is exercised, spending money on dog food, and we can't just hop in the car for trips anymore, cause we have to think about the poor puppy spending the day in his pin... We gained so much in such a cute dog, but we also gave up some freedoms as well. So what do I learn from trade-offs??
(Application) Contentment. Being grateful for the things that I gain in my decisions, and focusing on how those things affect my life for the better, rather than focusing on the things that I gave up. What good would it be for me to try to think about my life, if only I had not taken out college loans? Well, I didn't, so let me focus on how those college loans were a way (I would suggest, though, finding another way to fund your education:)) to get a college education so that I could have worked the job that I did for two years which blessed me tremendously. Being content here in Orlando, instead of closing my heart to the good things that are here to offer...When I am content I let go of control... which leads me to my final lesson...
2. I am a CONTROL FREAK...
We probably all are in some way, but I am a huge one. Worse, I am a subtle control freak (otherwise known as a manipulator). It is awful. If you would let me, I would tell you what to wear (Bright colors, fun skirts and dresses, but keep it classy) I would tell you what shoes to wear (high heals). I would tell you where to live (next to me). I would tell you how to decorate your house (color! lots of it!). Probably the only thing I would not tell you what do to is how to cut your hair, cause I still can't figure out how mine should be cut, but give me some time and a celebrity magazine and I will find a haircut you should have...seriously its bad. I think I mean well, but I don't think you should be married to me. And poor husband, he is! He has had to deal with me for 5 years now (for those trying to do the math, I am counting when we first started dating, because yes, I started on Tim then...) I have been hinting, poking, prodding, "suggesting" that my poor man wear this, say that, do this, buy that, go here... I mean, I was just sitting on the airplane this morning almost in tears thinking about how much stress this man deals with, and then he has to come home with ME trying to have my way with him ALL THE TIME... I mean, I have good intentions, but you know what they say about those... And then, I worry. All the time. Do you know what I worry about? Everything that I cannot control. That makes up 99.9% of my life. Cause if you think about it, I can't even control if my hair stays in my head, that falls out whether or not I want it to! I can't even control the beautiful life that is growing inside of me! This child has done and will do as God pleases it, since conception, even I have no control over the very conception of my child!! (its not really my child either, this is God's child, that He has so graciously let me carry for now, but that's another lesson, and I will get to that later, maybe...) I am not even sure if I have control over the words that I type... all is given and can be taken away from us in an instant. Don't believe me? Ask those living in Alabama, N. GA, Tennessee and elsewhere in the country. Ask Japan. Ask Haiti. They don't even have control over the very piece of dirt their feet stand on. And yet, I choose to believe I have some say in something...What do I do???
Application: I was once told that recognizing you have a problem is the first step in recovery. I am a recovering control freak, and just like an alcoholic is always recovering from alcoholism (its a true fact, I double checked with AA) I probably will always be tempted to take control of my life (is that really possible?) and run with it. Today I prayed that God would move the knowledge that He is our sole Provider from my head to my heart, and that knowledge that He is good and Loves me will move from my head to my heart. Every time I start to worry about things, I pray that. And to show you how bad I am, I prayed that like almost 10 times in just my 1hr long walk. I'll probably have to pray it a lot tomorrow, and throughout my life. Maybe that is why the Bible says to Pray without ceasing. I guess that's what it means for me...
So, in closing, Expressing my Gratitude, Focusing on contentment and the good results of my decisions, and Praying without ceasing. I feel like those are a lot to learn and I have so many other things I need to learn before my beautiful child takes his/her first breath. Practice makes perfect, and I look forward to more lessons...
LA
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
She Must and Shall Go Free
My family (mostly my mom, love you mom!) has told me for years that sometimes it is hard to follow me when I talk because I change the subject of the conversation so many times, it gets confusing to keep up. I think I have gotten better at that I've gotten older, ironically, I married someone who has the same issue (I refuse to call it a problem:)) All this to say is that the following blog goes a million places and I am hoping I can write in such a way that you will follow, here goes nothing...
First, I will start off with admitting that I can be a huge spiritual snob sometimes. What is that? Someone who does not like to give simple church answers to questions, I like to give deep philosophical answers that are SO deep... haha, but seriously I totally got humbled three weekends ago. I was visiting my mom and dad's Sunday school class at church and one of the topics of the discussion was Joy and Joy "busters" (a joy buster being someone/thing that takes away/destroys our joy) and the teacher asked that class what they can do to deal with "joy busters." As I was sitting there in my chair thinking about how we can meditate on God's word and focus on all the good things He has done for us (as you can previously read, I'm big on remembering:)) This lady in the front row said, "I like to sing!" To which the teacher responded with an affirmative towards the lady. Here comes the spiritual snob thought that I am sooooooo ashamed that I thought (I did not say it out loud, only to you right now!): "Singing? What are we in kindergarten? Who really sings when they are upset? C'mon lady, you are like, older, can't you do better than singing????" I am really so embarrassed of myself sometimes... God is so good, tho, He's really into redeeming things. Cut to the next paragraph and about two weeks later...
So about two weeks later, Tim and I get into a little, small, teensy-tiny,"tiff" one morning over the phone and the conversation does not end well and its time for me to take a shower. I did not want to spend the day with my "joy busted" so, do you know what I did?? I brought my ipod into the bathroom and found Derek Webb on my playlist and listened to the CD "She Must and Shall Go Free" and SANG in the shower!!! Do you know what happened? Joy Buster DIVERTED!! HAhaha, I can be so foolish. Here I was thinking that if you can just sit down and focus on God, do you know how hard it is to just sit down and focus? Takes forever for me, and in the process sometimes I just end up focusing on Tim and how mad I am at him! Do you know how easy it is to focus on the Lord when wonderful music is filling the room with praises to Him?? So easy! So, I admit my haughtiness and confess of pride and repent, leaving it hear on this post on the internet... But... Derek Webb leads me to my next paragraph and thought...
So, ever since listening to "She must and Shall go free" that day, I can't get enough of that CD. In fact, if you have been wondering where all my cool quotes have been coming from on my facebook, they have not been my original idea (I wish) they are Derek Webb's and whoever else helped him write those songs. This CD is challenging, in a good way, my friends. Its kind of like, the words are the medicine, and the music is the sugar that helps make it go down! (thank you Mary Poppins) This CD came out "03/"04ish and I mean it could still be re-released today and I feel be just as powerful. I challenge you to get the album from wherever and listen to the songs and the lyrics and really let what he is singing seep in. I mean even today, I can't get enough, listening to it in the shower! (I do want to put a disclaimer in just so you know, two things about Derek Webb and the CD if you are serious about listening to some serious Christian music: 1. Derek Webb is a Calvinist and I believe that comes through in his lyrics, there is nothing wrong with Calvinism, you can look it up yourself, but I just think you should know, and 2. Um, some of the language is strong, in that manner I mean, he uses the word whore on the regular, mainly to describe himself and the church in the light of God's unfailing Goodness. If that kind of language is offensive to you, it's the same way that God refers to Israel in the old testament, then this is not the CD for you.) Good, disclaimer made, however, today I was thinking about my cousin Brenda as I was listening to the lyrics, here they are, some of my favorites:
"Like the Three in One, know you must become what you want to save, cause that's still the way, He takes to the world..."
Challenged yet? If you aren't well... anyway, why it reminded me of my cousin is that she is working for and organization that rescues females who have been sex trafficked. Don't know what that is or what that means? I did not even know this existed until about a couple of years ago myself. You know, we think that when women go missing they were probably killed, sometimes death would be better than what happens to these poor souls. Go to Brenda's Tumblir link I have posted for you, she has all kinds of info on sex trafficking, but in a breakdown, here is what I can tell you it is: 1.Young women are sold continuously into prostitution, drugged, and beaten everyday of their lives. 2. It is evil, and I am almost certain Satan himself is the head of these organizations.
My Beautiful cousin Brenda has become like those she wants to save, no she is not being sex trafficked, she is working at a house and counseling, loving on and literally fighting for the lives of these women, so that they may know that 1. they are not a commodity, they are daughters of a Greater King 2. They are loved beyond the confines of this world. How easy do you think it would be to convey this to a young girl who has been sold to be a sex toy for perverted men at a young age? My cousin is literally charging the gates of hell, and I believe that whether or not you even believe in God or a higher being, you have to admit that this sex trafficking is just evil at its worst.
Did I mention that safety is non-existent when taking in girls like these? We are talking about organized crime, and unlike drugs, these girls can bring in infinite amounts of money, because they can be reused until they are dead. So, if a young girl breaks free who was earning you upwards of (I'll ballpark it here) $1000 a day, do you think they might want her back, and would stop at nothing to get that child? Am I making you uncomfortable? I sure hope so, but you know what makes me uncomfortable, sitting here in my beautiful house writing on my computer hoping to open the eyes of anyone out there to the horrible truth, while my cousin risks her very life to give love and God's truth on the frontlines of spiritual battle.
Derek Webb was right, I cannot reach one lost soul that is being sold into sex slavery on my couch, my cousin will though. She has become like the ones she wants to save, cause that's still the way, He takes to the world. Please join me, in providing support to my cousin, through prayer (it is the MOST important) and financial support. Sending paper towels and batteries is really as easy as it sounds. Or, do you have an extra $25 to spare? Send it to the organization as a donation. A little or a lot goes a long way.
I hope you got my thought process, singing to ward of joy busters, singing Derek Webb to challenge your spiritual walk, Derek Webb reminding me that my cousin is being Jesus to the World, my cousin needing your prayers for safety, support, and encouragement, and ultimately to stop a one billion dollar industry created by satan himself. Yeah... that all make since right?
Thanks for hanging in there with me friends!
First, I will start off with admitting that I can be a huge spiritual snob sometimes. What is that? Someone who does not like to give simple church answers to questions, I like to give deep philosophical answers that are SO deep... haha, but seriously I totally got humbled three weekends ago. I was visiting my mom and dad's Sunday school class at church and one of the topics of the discussion was Joy and Joy "busters" (a joy buster being someone/thing that takes away/destroys our joy) and the teacher asked that class what they can do to deal with "joy busters." As I was sitting there in my chair thinking about how we can meditate on God's word and focus on all the good things He has done for us (as you can previously read, I'm big on remembering:)) This lady in the front row said, "I like to sing!" To which the teacher responded with an affirmative towards the lady. Here comes the spiritual snob thought that I am sooooooo ashamed that I thought (I did not say it out loud, only to you right now!): "Singing? What are we in kindergarten? Who really sings when they are upset? C'mon lady, you are like, older, can't you do better than singing????" I am really so embarrassed of myself sometimes... God is so good, tho, He's really into redeeming things. Cut to the next paragraph and about two weeks later...
So about two weeks later, Tim and I get into a little, small, teensy-tiny,"tiff" one morning over the phone and the conversation does not end well and its time for me to take a shower. I did not want to spend the day with my "joy busted" so, do you know what I did?? I brought my ipod into the bathroom and found Derek Webb on my playlist and listened to the CD "She Must and Shall Go Free" and SANG in the shower!!! Do you know what happened? Joy Buster DIVERTED!! HAhaha, I can be so foolish. Here I was thinking that if you can just sit down and focus on God, do you know how hard it is to just sit down and focus? Takes forever for me, and in the process sometimes I just end up focusing on Tim and how mad I am at him! Do you know how easy it is to focus on the Lord when wonderful music is filling the room with praises to Him?? So easy! So, I admit my haughtiness and confess of pride and repent, leaving it hear on this post on the internet... But... Derek Webb leads me to my next paragraph and thought...
So, ever since listening to "She must and Shall go free" that day, I can't get enough of that CD. In fact, if you have been wondering where all my cool quotes have been coming from on my facebook, they have not been my original idea (I wish) they are Derek Webb's and whoever else helped him write those songs. This CD is challenging, in a good way, my friends. Its kind of like, the words are the medicine, and the music is the sugar that helps make it go down! (thank you Mary Poppins) This CD came out "03/"04ish and I mean it could still be re-released today and I feel be just as powerful. I challenge you to get the album from wherever and listen to the songs and the lyrics and really let what he is singing seep in. I mean even today, I can't get enough, listening to it in the shower! (I do want to put a disclaimer in just so you know, two things about Derek Webb and the CD if you are serious about listening to some serious Christian music: 1. Derek Webb is a Calvinist and I believe that comes through in his lyrics, there is nothing wrong with Calvinism, you can look it up yourself, but I just think you should know, and 2. Um, some of the language is strong, in that manner I mean, he uses the word whore on the regular, mainly to describe himself and the church in the light of God's unfailing Goodness. If that kind of language is offensive to you, it's the same way that God refers to Israel in the old testament, then this is not the CD for you.) Good, disclaimer made, however, today I was thinking about my cousin Brenda as I was listening to the lyrics, here they are, some of my favorites:
"Like the Three in One, know you must become what you want to save, cause that's still the way, He takes to the world..."
Challenged yet? If you aren't well... anyway, why it reminded me of my cousin is that she is working for and organization that rescues females who have been sex trafficked. Don't know what that is or what that means? I did not even know this existed until about a couple of years ago myself. You know, we think that when women go missing they were probably killed, sometimes death would be better than what happens to these poor souls. Go to Brenda's Tumblir link I have posted for you, she has all kinds of info on sex trafficking, but in a breakdown, here is what I can tell you it is: 1.Young women are sold continuously into prostitution, drugged, and beaten everyday of their lives. 2. It is evil, and I am almost certain Satan himself is the head of these organizations.
My Beautiful cousin Brenda has become like those she wants to save, no she is not being sex trafficked, she is working at a house and counseling, loving on and literally fighting for the lives of these women, so that they may know that 1. they are not a commodity, they are daughters of a Greater King 2. They are loved beyond the confines of this world. How easy do you think it would be to convey this to a young girl who has been sold to be a sex toy for perverted men at a young age? My cousin is literally charging the gates of hell, and I believe that whether or not you even believe in God or a higher being, you have to admit that this sex trafficking is just evil at its worst.
Did I mention that safety is non-existent when taking in girls like these? We are talking about organized crime, and unlike drugs, these girls can bring in infinite amounts of money, because they can be reused until they are dead. So, if a young girl breaks free who was earning you upwards of (I'll ballpark it here) $1000 a day, do you think they might want her back, and would stop at nothing to get that child? Am I making you uncomfortable? I sure hope so, but you know what makes me uncomfortable, sitting here in my beautiful house writing on my computer hoping to open the eyes of anyone out there to the horrible truth, while my cousin risks her very life to give love and God's truth on the frontlines of spiritual battle.
Derek Webb was right, I cannot reach one lost soul that is being sold into sex slavery on my couch, my cousin will though. She has become like the ones she wants to save, cause that's still the way, He takes to the world. Please join me, in providing support to my cousin, through prayer (it is the MOST important) and financial support. Sending paper towels and batteries is really as easy as it sounds. Or, do you have an extra $25 to spare? Send it to the organization as a donation. A little or a lot goes a long way.
I hope you got my thought process, singing to ward of joy busters, singing Derek Webb to challenge your spiritual walk, Derek Webb reminding me that my cousin is being Jesus to the World, my cousin needing your prayers for safety, support, and encouragement, and ultimately to stop a one billion dollar industry created by satan himself. Yeah... that all make since right?
Thanks for hanging in there with me friends!
Thursday, March 24, 2011
A General Musing...
To my friend Rachel who is getting married soon, I am sorry I put your blog title as the title for my post, but it really is a general musing today.
That is me on my wedding day. No, today is not my anniversary and I will not be writing about my wedding or marriage or anything like that...
I just wanted to put a reminder out there for all the internet and me to see, how really, really good I looked at one time. Vain? I don't think so, and maybe its because you don't know how much I really need to remind myself of things sometimes.
Do you lose sight of things sometimes? Isn't it nice to go back and look at pictures and remind yourself of things, sometimes?
The child in that picture was a very scared young lady. I had lived under my parents roof all the way up until I got married. I had never lived by myself, much less try to share a residence with a young man. But I SO looked forward to the future with bright eyes and great expectations. Do I still do that?
Tough question to ask and answer.
Here is to bright eyes and hoping for a wonderful future and remembering that God will take us forward, whether or not we are wearing a beautiful white dress that we hand-picked out for a special day!
That is me on my wedding day. No, today is not my anniversary and I will not be writing about my wedding or marriage or anything like that...
I just wanted to put a reminder out there for all the internet and me to see, how really, really good I looked at one time. Vain? I don't think so, and maybe its because you don't know how much I really need to remind myself of things sometimes.
Do you lose sight of things sometimes? Isn't it nice to go back and look at pictures and remind yourself of things, sometimes?
The child in that picture was a very scared young lady. I had lived under my parents roof all the way up until I got married. I had never lived by myself, much less try to share a residence with a young man. But I SO looked forward to the future with bright eyes and great expectations. Do I still do that?
Tough question to ask and answer.
Here is to bright eyes and hoping for a wonderful future and remembering that God will take us forward, whether or not we are wearing a beautiful white dress that we hand-picked out for a special day!
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Come Thou Fount
Since I quit last November, people ask me all the time what I am up to these days. What do I do to fill in those 40-60 hours a week that I was normally spending doing my job?? And that answer to that question is... I don't know? I mean, I can tell you I do not sit around my house all day and do nothing. I could go into a list of things I do, but then I would just feel like I was trying to justify myself to you. I was volunteering at the church, but then I had to take a good look at my life. I was running around trying to do everything I could not only to be busy but to be a good and active member of the church, and one day, I just wound up unhappy and tired and miserable and crying at my friend Emily's house wondering why I feel like a terrible person. And here is what she said to me:
"You have the good girl syndrome..."
And there was a good and amazing conversation that happened after that. I believe I probably have struggled with that all of my life. The problem is, with us good girls. We want so much to DO things for the Lord, we forget to live life WITH God. I know you think that is silly because if you are doing something for God, you must be doing it with Him right? All I can say is that sometimes in my desire to do, I forget as to whom I am doing it for, and I hope I am not the only Christian on this planet that has done that, because if I am, that is so sad...
So, I have taken a step back and started to do things WITH God that I have not been doing that are very basic, for example, reading my Bible. Seriously, I will admit, I neglected it. Not proud of that, nor am I really happy with myself I admitted this on the internet. Moving forward... I started in Judges, I don't know why I just felt a need to read the Old Testament, and the only reason I know that I am reading where I need to be is when I am reading I feel like I am drinking in every word and I can't get enough. Loving these Old Testament stories. So then I come to 1Samuel and I read this Passage
"Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer (which means stone of help) saying "Thus far has the Lord helped us."
Now, this is where Come Thou Fount Comes in. Come Thou Fount (of Every Blessing) is one of my favorite hymns only tying with Amazing Grace. I have loved to sing the words of this song, I look forward to it whenever I hear the intro. But here I have been singing it for most of my life and not knowing half the lyrics is unacceptable. This hymn is chalk full of Biblical references and here is the Ebenezer reference, right in 1 Samuel. Which got me thinking...
Samuel raised his Ebenezer when he won a HUGE battle, the first of the many battles he won as a judge of Israel. When do I raise my Ebenezer? When was the last time, I looked to God and said "Hither by thy help I've come!!" The first Ebenezer in any Christian's life is Salvation, for Salvation is from the Lord. There have been many Ebenezer's in my life. I don't want to name them, cause I'm sure you have Ebenezer's too. But in the Old Testament, the judges were always putting up literal images of reminders of where God had brought/helped them. That they may never forget, still seems as if Israel had a bad case of amnesia anyway.
All in all, this has taught me that, I need to raise Ebenezer's in my life. I need to be more intentional about remembering and having some type of literal image to raise when I can recognize a time where God Helped me. I want to build my life around God and the reminders of where He has brought me, because to be embarrassing honest, I guess I suffer from amnesia a lot myself. Because the next time I sing those beautiful lyrics "Here I raise my Ebenezer, hither by thy help I've come!" I want to be able to pin-point the most recent victory in a hard fought spiritual fight. Something just to chew on today friends!
"You have the good girl syndrome..."
And there was a good and amazing conversation that happened after that. I believe I probably have struggled with that all of my life. The problem is, with us good girls. We want so much to DO things for the Lord, we forget to live life WITH God. I know you think that is silly because if you are doing something for God, you must be doing it with Him right? All I can say is that sometimes in my desire to do, I forget as to whom I am doing it for, and I hope I am not the only Christian on this planet that has done that, because if I am, that is so sad...
So, I have taken a step back and started to do things WITH God that I have not been doing that are very basic, for example, reading my Bible. Seriously, I will admit, I neglected it. Not proud of that, nor am I really happy with myself I admitted this on the internet. Moving forward... I started in Judges, I don't know why I just felt a need to read the Old Testament, and the only reason I know that I am reading where I need to be is when I am reading I feel like I am drinking in every word and I can't get enough. Loving these Old Testament stories. So then I come to 1Samuel and I read this Passage
"Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer (which means stone of help) saying "Thus far has the Lord helped us."
Now, this is where Come Thou Fount Comes in. Come Thou Fount (of Every Blessing) is one of my favorite hymns only tying with Amazing Grace. I have loved to sing the words of this song, I look forward to it whenever I hear the intro. But here I have been singing it for most of my life and not knowing half the lyrics is unacceptable. This hymn is chalk full of Biblical references and here is the Ebenezer reference, right in 1 Samuel. Which got me thinking...
Samuel raised his Ebenezer when he won a HUGE battle, the first of the many battles he won as a judge of Israel. When do I raise my Ebenezer? When was the last time, I looked to God and said "Hither by thy help I've come!!" The first Ebenezer in any Christian's life is Salvation, for Salvation is from the Lord. There have been many Ebenezer's in my life. I don't want to name them, cause I'm sure you have Ebenezer's too. But in the Old Testament, the judges were always putting up literal images of reminders of where God had brought/helped them. That they may never forget, still seems as if Israel had a bad case of amnesia anyway.
All in all, this has taught me that, I need to raise Ebenezer's in my life. I need to be more intentional about remembering and having some type of literal image to raise when I can recognize a time where God Helped me. I want to build my life around God and the reminders of where He has brought me, because to be embarrassing honest, I guess I suffer from amnesia a lot myself. Because the next time I sing those beautiful lyrics "Here I raise my Ebenezer, hither by thy help I've come!" I want to be able to pin-point the most recent victory in a hard fought spiritual fight. Something just to chew on today friends!
Monday, February 21, 2011
May or May not...
For those of you reading this, I am participating in my friend Emily's blog where you can post a link on her blog to your blog... Its kind of like a fun game. All this to say, for family, this is not like a life-changing blog:)
So I may or may not cry a lot more than usual these days. I can't help it. When I hear a heart felt story on the news about a war hero (pick a war, any war, if they are a vet, I'm all for them:)) or football (yes, football makes me cry) I'm ballin. I just watched an episode of Off the Map on hulu and I teared up. I cry when you talk about babies, I cry when you talk about missing your family. I cry about anything. And not like pity party cry, just... its like I have extra emotion and crying is the way it gets out. I don't know. I'm not really proud of this fact. Its actually kind of embarrassing. I'm in church and the pastor is playing a story about a football team and I'm just ballin like a baby and I can't stop! Here's to a time in my life when I can't stop laughin, but until then, if you see me shed some tears, have no fear, its just me lettin out a bit of extra emotion:)
So I may or may not cry a lot more than usual these days. I can't help it. When I hear a heart felt story on the news about a war hero (pick a war, any war, if they are a vet, I'm all for them:)) or football (yes, football makes me cry) I'm ballin. I just watched an episode of Off the Map on hulu and I teared up. I cry when you talk about babies, I cry when you talk about missing your family. I cry about anything. And not like pity party cry, just... its like I have extra emotion and crying is the way it gets out. I don't know. I'm not really proud of this fact. Its actually kind of embarrassing. I'm in church and the pastor is playing a story about a football team and I'm just ballin like a baby and I can't stop! Here's to a time in my life when I can't stop laughin, but until then, if you see me shed some tears, have no fear, its just me lettin out a bit of extra emotion:)
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